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Thread: Faith Commitment Action

  1. #71
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    It will have been a year next weekend, and indeed a year was needed. We've only just emptied the house, I am beginning to poke me head out for broader recognition. It really truly did take a year.

    The weird thing about my birth order... my friends don't get it. I don't need them to; its okay; that's not what I mean. There is a logic to having kids in your 20s. When the parents die, the kids may be retired. Their own kids our of the house. In a lifestage that allows for some changes. For folks who lose them sooner, or who are lucky like me and have at least one for a long time but were born late in their lives ... my work is on fire, my kids are a full time job, all my resources are extended, and what I really beed is a one year sabbatical.

    The timing is just off.
    When we were trying to conceive at 40 I knew our parents would be too old to help us with babysitting ,etc (we would be caretaking them, which we did) but in our case I knew I wanted to take at least a few years away from my on fire career (which turned out to be less on fire by the time I announced my pregnancy right after the 2008 crash - meaning who knew if any of us would still have a job) and having saved as much as I did it was comforting to know we had the resources for me to be the full time parent. But I can totally see what you're referring to!

  2. #72
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    When we were trying to conceive at 40 I knew our parents would be too old to help us with babysitting ,etc (we would be caretaking them, which we did) but in our case I knew I wanted to take at least a few years away from my on fire career (which turned out to be less on fire by the time I announced my pregnancy right after the 2008 crash - meaning who knew if any of us would still have a job) and having saved as much as I did it was comforting to know we had the resources for me to be the full time parent. But I can totally see what you're referring to!
    Yes Batya, you rocked it with your prep and planning. You are right that it served you well.

  3. #73
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Just gotta say, I really dig this bf dynamic. Its been over a week since we have seen or spoken to one another, yet our email communication is clear, casual, and as substantive, or frivolous, as we might be in any other context. He really is a gem, and one who is well suited for me. Bonus, my bf-resistant teen even said Too bad he isn't around.

    All good things in time. I dig it. :)

  4. #74
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Yes Batya, you rocked it with your prep and planning. You are right that it served you well.
    LOL not really - my plan was to marry at 23 (I was briefly engaged to Mr. Right Now/Perfect on Paper) and do the parenting thing first, the career thing plus grad school later - the financial planning -yes - I saw the writing on the wall once I was 31, done with grad school loans and Mr. Right nowhere in sight. Not that I wanted to depend on someone else to provide but at 23 I wouldn't have had any of my own $ to contribute - once I was in my 30s I figured I'd better grow that nest egg in case I was a single mother by choice someday, or adopting, or marrying someone who couldn't afford to have me stay home at least for awhile.

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  6. #75
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    LOL not really - my plan was to marry at 23 (I was briefly engaged to Mr. Right Now/Perfect on Paper) and do the parenting thing first, the career thing plus grad school later - the financial planning -yes - I saw the writing on the wall once I was 31, done with grad school loans and Mr. Right nowhere in sight. Not that I wanted to depend on someone else to provide but at 23 I wouldn't have had any of my own $ to contribute - once I was in my 30s I figured I'd better grow that nest egg in case I was a single mother by choice someday, or adopting, or marrying someone who couldn't afford to have me stay home at least for awhile.
    Good on ya for adjusting, and finding a different way forward.

    I bought early in life (worked on a house in exchange for rent as a way to save money -- exhausting!), my way of making sure I would always have a place of my own and a sort of savings account. I have been grateful for it ever since!

  7. #76
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Left work with a proper anxiety episode today. Tight, inability to concentrate, loss of working memory. It took me an hour or so to regain m composure. At the base ofit was my judgment of myself for letting some busdev activity slide over the holiday.

    I made a list. I told myself to orient myself forward. I will be okay.

  8. #77
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Ahh got it. Raised by siblings... subconscious expectations are as if they are parents. But they aren't.

    I keep letting go of my expectations and it is working. Learning that they aren't the source of my security. Learning to see them as human. It is like detaching from an uneven relationship because I was so much younger; they didn't attach the same way. And all have the ability to defend by deflection - to gaslight. I understand my challenge. My peace increases as I acknowledge that it isn't personal, but a natural outcome of how we all we raised.

  9. #78
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Y'all? It is so dang easy. How many times did people tell me it would be easy? But you know what? If we were trying to date each other from scratch, with no friendship it might be a complete fail. No idea what he would think of me. I understand why I would allow people and myself into other people's hovering zone, that middle zone of neither landing nor leaving. An attempt to simply be in the familiar zone and let friendship build. But it isn't the same when it is goal oriented.

    It is so easy. Our first date, ha, I forget I did this -- I had to change in the car on the way to dinner. So I did. Head to toe, no layer left unchanged. omg it didn't strike me as remotely odd, sexy, or interesting. I was just changing. hahahahaha i am deeply clueless when being practical. that's friendship for you. I would not have done that when we were friends because I was focused on maintaining a boundary; the connection was everpresent. Once agreeing to experience the connection, definitions and rules were completely irrelevant and the connection was a purely safe place.

    I am freaking flippin happy.

  10. #79
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    I am so happy for you....a long time coming. First Sportster, now you. Maybe even Reinvent will just quit looking for flaws and enjoy! lol

  11. #80
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Realitynut
    I am so happy for you....a long time coming. First Sportster, now you. Maybe even Reinvent will just quit looking for flaws and enjoy! lol
    TY RN! Ha, we'd all make a fine graduating class. Somebody tell -- oh dear, how embarrassing --our missing friend with the rose avatar and the succinct voice...

    As you well know, its not about the partner. Its about making ourselves healthy. One of the reasons i enjoy your posts is your acceptance and enjoyment of yourself. We have that going on here. I mean, we both have diagnoses and group therapy and so on, but that's just how we are made. It is nice to be freed of self recrimination as a normative behavior. Blech.

    Anywho , thanks for visiting and your well wishes!

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