Loosing my mind

Hi new here just and dont know where to go. Me and parnter been together 10yrs had ups and downs but nothing to major and infidelity was a never i thought. Last September on our happy family holiday i found on his messenger ( after an awkward excuse as to why this chic was msg) having a chat then she sents him a boob pic and then sexy messages with him saying he has nothing better ect they exchanged phone numbers and he smashed his phone so dont know what happend from there. I forgave him two month later i found him on local dating sites got over it again as he dosnt see it as cheating, he started watching porn all the time over having sex then ed up in another way ( not cheating) and i kicked him out. We got back together ( kids involved) all was good but he started watching porn again anything with boobs. I dont trust him at all im tryi g to catch him out all the time my insecuritys are through the roof and now i dont think i even turn him on. I try telling myself its not me im being parinoid but it has to be right (i have no boobs) Im 32 hes 41 im no model but i dont look like the ugly s he watches. I dont know what happened to get here 😭.

The messages had started a few weeks before i seen them actually starting while i was in the kitchen cooking a pokemon cake for our daughters bday.

If you don’t feel loved and desired in this relationship, and he has no interest in cutting out the behaviour that makes you feel awful, what’s the point of staying with him? (Not the kids, all the kids will learn is that it’s ok to settle for someone who actively makes you feel worse about yourself)

I know its just not that easy mentaly emotionally and financially. Its beem over 6months and Im still a mess. Im so embarrassed i cant talk to anyone. Im sorry you probly think im an idiot aswell not going. Why do men sacrafice good family for utter trash 😔 im not a wife i love sex in all ways i never had a proble with porn now im just jelouse insicure and hate who in have become. i feel as tho hes cheated on me but he dosnt see it that way as there is no actual contact.

It’s definitely not easy.

I think the longer that you stay with him being like this though, the more your self worth will be eroded. Maybe leaving can be a long term plan, start sqiirrelling away cash, reach out to trusted friends and family if they’re available, have a chat to a family lawyer, brainstorm how you could make life without him work, there’s no hurry, but doing all these things in your own time will get you closer to a point where you can leave, it’s now an option.

Also things you could do, but only if he’s on board, couples therapy. If he wants to stay and wants to work on it there’s hope, just don’t throw your life away waiting for him to spontaneously combust into the man he was before

I’m sorry my dear. It sounds like he has a sex addiction and is neglecting your needs. Boobs or no boobs there is a man out there who would want to have sex with you. He needs to realize that what he’s doing is hurtful and wrong.

Hard truth coming.

If he hasn't cheated then he is probably thinking about it. No offense but there is something that you are not satisfying him with sexually. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. That doesn't mean you have to become someone you are not. Its just how he is and who he is. Like someone else said here there will be someone who will find you sexually appealing. Go find that person because obviously this isn't going to work for you. He is being selfish and now its time for you to think about yourself. Don't use kids as an excuse because you are scared life after him. Humans are incredible we over come a lot of things and these things are just a little blip in your life.

i feel as tho hes cheated on me but he dosnt see it that way as there is no actual contact.

He destroyed his phone to prevent you from knowing what was on there. He cheated. He has had contact. Kids or not, end this unhealthy relationship and take some time to work on yourself and your kids.

Sorry to hear this. this isn't about you. It's about his need for sex, sexting, cheating, etc. Get to a doctor and get tested for STDs. Also get yourself into counseling to help decide if you want to stay or leave. It won't change. He won't change. He'll just get better at leading this double life. You are condoning his extracurricular activities. You're not only taking it, you are forgiving it.

What you've seen is the tip of the iceberg and has probably been going on for quite some time. It sounds like you can't or won't leave. Stop forgiving him. Ask him to move out, sleep on the sofa, etc. Stop rewarding his behavior with your forgiveness. That is giving him the green light to keep doing what he's doing. Stop rewarding his behavior with sex. Stop rewarding his behavior by cooking, etc. Take care of only yourself and your children. If it's his house stay with friends or family to think.

Me and parnter been together 10yrs

First off you need to be more secure in yourself. Know that you deserve respect and that you are amazing and it will be his loss if he loses you. His behavior is ridiculous. Talking to other females for purposes of flirting or to connect with is a form of cheating. An emotional connection is almost worse than cheating with sex. Sex is sex. It can be desired with someone else purely out of physical attraction. Connecting with someone else emotionally is more intimate and can be more of a betrayal. As far as watching porn all the time is not always bad. Are the two of you intimately satisfied by one another? Try watching the porn with him. It could help. Be more adventurous with him. Try new things. Just talk to him. Ask him why he does these things and let him know how you feel about it all. Try to start fresh where each of you find a way to help the needs if the other be met. If he still keeps behaving like this then kids or not you need away from him. Do what is best for you and won't cause you pain. If he keeps hurting you over and over it will cause you to be unhappy and sad. That isn't what your kids need either. Be strong and if you do agree to forgive him and work on the relationship you have to let go of the doubts and mistrust. Saying you forgive but holding onto his mistakes doesn't allow him the opportunity to start fresh and show you he is sorry.