Relationship dynamics

Last year i’ve stumbled upon a girl, the type of girl that you knew the exsistence of, but never really gotten the chance to hang out with. She’s the sister of a mutual friend of ours. She had this very penetrative, deep, cold look in her eyes every time we’ve crossed each other during times we never spoke.

Last year i’ve gotten the chance to get to know her better and i felt for her. I was madly in love, because of the fact she said yes to everything. Nothing was to weird for her. The sex was amazing, the trips to the outside world, every day we kept on doing stuf. It was really an intense experience to hang out with her, for instance, for the fourth date i planned a two-week-trip to the other side of the world. We went out to festivals and parties all the time.

I completely went head over heels, did everything for her, stayed with her when she felt bad, paid for most of the trips, paying an huge amount of effort to produce memories, went completely crazy on her, until she finaly got tired of it.

She explained that our relationship wasn’t deep enough, she could not figure out a connection with me, it wasn’t for the parties, she did not care about money, felt like friendship, etc. She put all the blame on me and finished it off with an “Im not ready for a relationship”

I was completly off chart and focussed on the fun part of everything. Although we did comunicate. I sensed a lot of negative tension, where bot uf us acted defensive while expressing our opinions.

The difference between us is that she works hard, is well earthed with her emotions, no-nonsens, very practical and basicly doesnt give a . Where i am the lazy wealthy guy with a lot of money but no job, very romantic and dreamy with flowers amd rainbows and all that glitter.

I think i miscalculated the situation, thinkin, since there was a huge chemistry, i took it all for granted. For me it felt extreme genuine with a natural flow, very instinctive and overall meant to be. Completely blindsighted of what she really was saying to me.

Communication is halted for a month now, although i would like to make amends, im not anticipating reconciliation, dont want to contact her. Im not mad. I do miss the time and the feeling of being with her, but it does not seem like a good idea. Just let it go.

My worry is as follow:

This was probably the best, most intense and amazing love ive experienced for a loooooooong time (im 32) and it lasted just so short (8 months). Never gotten the idea that we went to the core.

I do not want this to happen in the future ever again. I do want be in love again, but here is the catch. When i am in love, i get frustrated, dont know how to deal wit emotions, get insecure, my mask gets denser, act like a little , i implode and she whimps me off like a little .

No good.

just happend? Because she acknowledged she was in love too, she said it felt like a great friendship with deeper meaning and all that stuff. We were in fact, with out romantisizing a very strong couple.

I really like to talk about this with her and eventually get back together. That is what i want. But it wont happen. How can i deal with this kind of situation in the future ever again?

Last year i’ve stumbled upon a girl, the type of girl that you knew the exsistence of, but never really gotten the chance to hang out with. She’s the sister of a mutual friend of ours. She had this very penetrative, deep, cold look in her eyes every time we’ve crossed each other during times we never spoke.

 

Last year i’ve gotten the chance to get to know her better and i felt for her. I was madly in love, because of the fact she said yes to everything. Nothing was to weird for her. The sex was amazing, the trips to the outside world, every day we kept on doing stuf. It was really an intense experience to hang out with her, for instance, for the fourth date i planned a two-week-trip to the other side of the world. We went out to festivals and parties all the time.

 

I completely went head over heels, did everything for her, stayed with her when she felt bad, paid for most of the trips, paying an huge amount of effort to produce memories, went completely crazy on her, until she finaly got tired of it.

 

She explained that our relationship wasn’t deep enough, she could not figure out a connection with me, it wasn’t for the parties, she did not care about money, felt like friendship, etc. She put all the blame on me and finished it off with an “Im not ready for a relationship”

 

I was completly off chart and focussed on the fun part of everything. Although we did comunicate. I sensed a lot of negative tension, where bot uf us acted defensive while expressing our opinions.

 

The difference between us is that she works hard, is well earthed with her emotions, no-nonsens, very practical and basicly doesnt give a . Where i am the lazy wealthy guy with a lot of money but no job, very romantic and dreamy with flowers amd rainbows and all that glitter.

 

I think i miscalculated the situation, thinkin, since there was a huge chemistry, i took it all for granted. For me it felt extreme genuine with a natural flow, very instinctive and overall meant to be. Completely blindsighted of what she really was saying to me.

 

Communication is halted for a month now, although i would like to make amends, im not anticipating reconciliation, dont want to contact her. Im not mad. I do miss the time and the feeling of being with her, but it does not seem like a good idea. Just let it go.

 

My worry is as follow:

 

This was probably the best, most intense and amazing love ive experienced for a loooooooong time (im 32) and it lasted just so short (8 months). Never gotten the idea that we went to the core.

 

I do not want this to happen in the future ever again. I do want be in love again, but here is the catch. When i am in love, i get frustrated, dont know how to deal wit emotions, get insecure, my mask gets denser, act like a little , i implode and she whimps me off like a little .

 

No good.

 

just happend? Because she acknowledged she was in love too, she said it felt like a great friendship with deeper meaning and all that stuff. We were in fact, with out romantisizing a very strong couple.

 

I really like to talk about this with her and eventually get back together. That is what i want. But it wont happen. How can i deal with this kind of situation in the future ever again?

• Don't date someone that has cold and penetrating eyes. Seriously. It sounds like she just wanted to have fun and didn't want the intensity of a serious relationship.
  
• Don't go crazy chasing someone or bending over backwards for them. The fact that you say you were paying for everything and doing everything for her probably made her feel overwhelmed and suffocated, and made her see you as a doormat.
  
• Do work on yourself. You, by your own admission, have issues that come up when you are in relationships and "in love." Deal with these through the help of a life coach, therapist, or other support. Self-awareness is key to changing our path in life.
  
• Do reflect on exactly what it was you liked about her. This will give you an idea of what you are looking for in a relationship.
  

What happened? You were more into it than she was. Sometimes the infatuation wears off fast...I believe she was infatuated while you were fallin in love...like two north sides of magnets that don't connect.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys feel the way you do. They don't want to be hurt like this again and it affects future romances. You might actually have a relationship where the girl is complaining you're not into her as much because you're hanging back and trying not to get hurt. Just try to keep yourself open. Most girls would have loved to be romanced the way you romanced her. You just picked the wrong girl.