My progress nearly five weeks post breakup and four and a half of total NC

I have spent some time posting in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex" thread and it has helped. Early on in the breakup I found it very difficult to accept the reality of the breakup and due to drinking excessively, was used to deluding myself.

When my ex girl and I split, I was very much in love but a few things led to the breakup which I just could not see until some time had passed.

As a male, I lost my direction, purpose and placed waaaaaaaaay too much on the girl emotionally. I used her as a therapist more than an equal and partner. I drank way too much and being on the otherside of the country did me no favours. She grew sick of it and eventually called time. It isnt the first bad experience where alcohol is involved and I should have known/acted before it got to the stage it did.

I flew back to see her a few days after the breakup she initiated over the phone. When I saw her, no hint of happiness. I believe she was angry, upset and fed up with where we found ourselves - it was my fault.

Since then, I have been running every single morning (5k) for the last 28 days straight, joined a crossfit gym which I go to three times a week, started intermittent fasting (I eat between the hours 12pm to 4pm) and have tried to make positive changes mentally as well as physically.

I am in the stages of forgiving myself and learning how to love myself. It has been much more straightforward because when I look in the mirror, I do not see the puffy face/sullen eyes from excessive drinking, I see a leaner figure and a man I can be proud of and am learning to be proud of and love.

The ex has not reached out once. I am hurting, Im hurting a lot. Some days much worse than others but, I am trying my damndest to take one foot in front of the other. Have been reading and watching a lot of self-help books and I totally see where I went wrong. The drinking is ofcourse the major factor which gave rise to poor behaviour on my part.

Was the relationship perfect? No. But of the four long term (1.5 + years) I have had, it was the best.

I do hold hope for reconciliation but it will not be for months down the line if it is to happen.

We are not friends on social media (I only have facebook) and she did originally block me, but has since unblocked me. Sure, I do search for her. Not relentlessly and am stopping from today. It has to stop if I stand any chance of progress which I have made and want to continue.

I know exactly how to help myself and I am pleased with where I have arrived at to date and where I am going.

Out of everything I have learnt personally, I now know, resolutely that alcohol and me cannot become involved again. It has taken the breakdown of this relationship for me to realise that. Sad but then, at least I have taken something important away.

I do hope that everyone struggling (just as I am sometimes) is doing their best to make it through whatever they are going through.

stay strong x

Well, ENA advises that you stay No Contact with her and stop hoping for her to change her mind and return to the relationship. You should use your newfound knowledge in your next relationship. Look for a nice girl and try again. Also date someone in the same city you live. No long-distance relationships.

We are in the same city, just both in the military so we both have the potential to be deployed and I happened to be when she called time.

"DONT STOP DONT STOP", keep going, it's almost 6 months now, although I can say it's not the as disastrous as the first few months, I had a relapse last week but I will keep pushing because there's light at the end of the tunnel