Please help. I know I'm the problem and I want to fix myself, but I don't know how.

First things first, I know I'm naive and that's probably because I'm still quite young and this is my first relationship. Please forgive me for that.

Let me give you a bit of a backstory about my girlfriend. To be honest, "girlfriend" isn't the right term since she doesn't want to fully commit yet. We're both aware that we love each other but she just can't give me enough time yet because she's already committed to other things. I understand that and love her nonetheless. We've been dating for nearly 8 months now and I have to say that those 8 months were some of the happiest days of my life, but they are not without conflict.

She has a bunch of problems of her own, but I'm not going to talk about those because she's seriously been trying to fix those and I've noticed her progress and I really appreciate that. I am the problem at this point.

You see, my "girlfriend" has very limited time for me since she's really busy and all. I understand that, but for some reason I want to demand time from her even when I understand that she's really busy. I just can't seem to be contented with what we have. Despite the fact that I understand her, I am brooding over the fact that she doesn't and can't want to commit fully yet.

I don't understand how to keep our relationship healthy.

I also depend too much on her for happiness. I'm aware that it's bad because that's the calling card for needy and crazy. I sometimes end up being baggage in her life because of that.

I understand my faults, perhaps not completely because there may be more that I am just not aware of. I am tired of fixing them because I never really liked myself in the first place, but I don't want to give up on fixing myself. If it means keeping her, then I will do my best to do so.

The question is I don't know how, so please help me.

This has become quite messy and I apologize for that. I would sincerely appreciate any help that you could give me.

I don't see how you are the problem, OP.

8 months is too long to be seeing someone without any further commitment. You are normal for being unhappy and disappointed. I can't think of many people who would be okay with that, unless they too didn't want a relationship.

The only thing I could say that you are doing wrong is waiting for a girl who doesn't appear to want the same things you do.

We've been building dreams together and I at least know that she cares for me... that or I'm wrapped in my own little illusion of us.

Even if she's like that, I still do love her and I want out relationship to last. That's why I want to adjust for her as much as possible.

We've been building dreams together and I at least know that she cares for me... that or I'm wrapped in my own little illusion of us.

 

Even if she's like that, I still do love her and I want out relationship to last. That's why I want to adjust for her as much as possible.

But you're not in a relationship with her, OP.

I think you are building this up to be something it just isn't, unfortunately. She might indeed care for you, but she isn't your girlfriend. She would be if she wanted to; yet, she isn't taking that step. Adjusting yourself likely won't change that, unless you've been insanely clingy or needy and turned her off. But I don't get that impression. I have a hunch that you are really into her but the feeling isn't exactly mutual.

What has she told you about not committing to being in a relationship with you? How often do you see each other?

We see each other at least once a week, that is if I try to meet her. If I don't, we would usually end up not seeing each other. Bottomline is that I usually need to do some extra effort for us to meet.

"I love you but I can't commit. I love you but can't give you everything. I love you but I'm not fully ready yet. To be honest, my love life is the least of my priorities right now. I have so many things to worry about. And if ever you get tired someday, I'll understand. If you leave, I'll understand. I would regret my decision when you leave me at some point but if I were given the chance to relieve our time together, I wouldn't change a thing" is what she told me about her reluctance to commit.

This girl is trying to let you down gently, OP.

She doesn't initiate and she doesn't want to commit to you. This isn't someone you're building a future with, unfortunately. She just doesn't feel the same way about you.

That's definitely what it sounds like, MissCanuck is right.