Ready to give up

I need some kind of help, some support, something. I'm becoming suicidal. I had a child with an emotionally manipulative bully, who coerced me into a relationship after my marriage broke down and I was at my most vulnerable. He refused to use protection so I fell pregnant very quickly. He assured me everything would be fine. He was very good at saying all the right things. We stayed together and had a child. Not long after our son was born I found out that he had a sex addiction, had been going to swingers parties and dogging. He said it was all in the past before we were together. I gave him a second chance and trusted his word when he said nothing was happening now. A year went by and I found evidence that he had been cheating, swinging and dogging - while my son and myself were asleep at home. I left him, and since then my life has been very hard. He continues to bully and manipulate me through co parenting our son. And so does his mother. They are filled with a sense of overwhelming superiority and will stop at nothing to get their own way. A lot of it stems from them being in a big family and having a good deal of cash.

My son is now five and I've recently stopped his Dad from seeing him unsupervised because I'm concerned of the emotional manipulation he is now putting on our son. My ex refused supervised visits, so currently doesn't see our son at all, I'm guessing his pride matters more. He has stopped paying maintenance and any other clubs/lessons our son was previously enrolled in. It was recently our son's birthday and he turned up and let out son see his presents in the car and then drove them away. I have taken the matter to my solicitors but my ex has already made a court order for child arrangements. All while this has been going on I have had the best relationship of my life, I was proposed to, and we planned the wedding. But all the stress of my ex and coparenting got too much and he left me. It was mutual, but I'm still totally heartbroken. My ex is now using what little information he has regarding our breakup as the reason why I won't let him see our son unsupervised! Which has nothing to do with it! I stopped unsupervised contact because of the way my ex was talking to myself and my son - threats and bullying. I split up with my fiancé two months before this!

I am now struggling financially, I've just had to pay out for my son's uniform and other equipment for starting school, getting no help whatsoever from his father, and yet his father had the audacity to turn up and pretend to be a wonderful father on our son's first day of school. My ex doesn't care about our son. His social life and 'extra curricular activities' have always come first.

He doesn't think about how it affects our son when he stops paying for his lessons and how it affects him taking his birthday presents away. The way this man is and how he treats us is ruining my life. I have no money, no free time and nothing to look forward to. But our son is the sweetest most loviest little boy and he is the one thing in this word that keeps me here and I will always try my hardest to do what's best for him.

Is anyone here familiar with this sort of situation that could offer any advice or support to help keep me positive, because I feel any positivity I had is failing fast and I am becoming so low, my physical health is affected now, as well as my mental health, which I am fighting so much which is why I think it has started to manifest physically instead.

If you contact any of the domestic violence hotlines on the net, they can refer you to someone local who can counsel you and help you to form a far better plan for yourself and your child than anything you can imagine right now.

When your vision isn't clear enough to help yourself, reach for help from someone who is qualified to give it.

Head high, and I hope you'll check back with us after speaking with someone who is trained to help you.