When things will be fine?

I know, I have been posting a lot since post break up and to be more precise I find it very therapeutic. If I wouldn't have been writing daily journal here on ENA and listening to the advice of the tribe I wouldn't have been able to stick on to my NC.

From past 2 days I am missing him a lot, I get so weak that I feel the urge of breaking my NC. But then I somehow end up managing it. However, today I am feeling so emotionally down that my heart still aches, I am really missing him, desperately wants to hear his voice. I feel as if he's the biggest lose of my life right now.

However, I want to live with the reality that I have been dumped because of my flaws and imperfections. Plus, I don't want to turn back, all the hard work of not talking to him and moving forward will be back to the square one. I don't know when these emotions and feelings for him will fade away. My threshold of post break up phase had already ruined my exam performance. Now I do keep watch on myself, carry my errands efficiently. But, I want to run away from the feelings of missing him. I don't want to feel for him intensely. I know, he'll not turn back and ask for my hand or will confess his feelings if at all he'll have in future. But I am sick of feeling like this. To avoid all that I get hard on myself and push myself so forcefully that my head aches as if it's migraine attack.

I feel as if he's Mr. Perfect or right, but, if he would have been so, he wouldn't have decided to leave/quit. He would have accepted my flaws or imperfections like I had. Everyone is imperfect, I know that very well. I am afraid, whether I fall in love again or not!.

I am sick of all these emotions thing and all and yes, I don't want to break the NC. I have put in lots of efforts to have come to this day. Today is my day 38.

Ps: I don't follow him anywhere and neither I stalk his profiles on any social media.

I have always said there are 4 phases to a break up: Denial, Depression, Anger, Acceptance, usually in that order although the middle two can overlap.

From watching many people go through break ups on ENA and work through the stages, I have noted that towards the end of the Depression phase, people start complaining like you are doing now. This is your mind pushing for change. The more fed up with feeling like this, the more likely you are going to stop feeling like this and move on to the next Phase, where you are going to feel angry at yourself for feeling this way.

Keep pushing forward and stay with us, it will be over before you know it.

You would be soooooooooooooooooo angry with yourself darling if you broke NC ...and oh my god it will land you back on your ass so fast it will hurt . It will also achieve nothing , if he wanted you , he would have been in contact .

I promise you you will get over this ... and as for your imperfections ..well you know what ...for all of us ...those imperfections are going to be perfect to the right partner .

keep going, you're doing so well. dont take a giant step back. your getting towards the finish line.

I have always said there are 4 phases to a break up: Denial, Depression, Anger, Acceptance, usually in that order although the middle two can overlap.

 

From watching many people go through break ups on ENA and work through the stages, I have noted that towards the end of the Depression phase, people start complaining like you are doing now. This is your mind pushing for change. The more fed up with feeling like this, the more likely you are going to stop feeling like this and move on to the next Phase, where you are going to feel angry at yourself for feeling this way.

 

Keep pushing forward and stay with us, it will be over before you know it.

I hope, I'll get over it before I come to know about it.

Thanks Keyman!

You would be soooooooooooooooooo angry with yourself darling if you broke NC ...and oh my god it will land you back on your ass so fast it will hurt . It will also achieve nothing , if he wanted you , he would have been in contact .

 

I promise you you will get over this ... and as for your imperfections ..well you know what ...for all of us ...those imperfections are going to be perfect to the right partner .

That's the thing, I'll get nothing. Yes, the repercussion of breaking NC is only stopping me to break it.

And I hope, one day my imperfections will be all perfect to the right partner.

Thanks pippylongstocking!

keep going, you're doing so well. dont take a giant step back. your getting towards the finish line.

Yes, the finish line is the thing. A big thing! No, I'll not look back like you said.

Thanks Knight2001