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Thread: Make or break

  1. #1

    Make or break

    I'm new to this site so hope I'm doing this right!

    My partner is currently camping with two of his kids (my step kids per sť, we aren't married) while I'm at he with our 1 year old son.

    He got angry on Sunday and broke something else in the house so I told him to leave. We were due to have my step kids for the week but I couldn't play gappy families after his behaviour. Not again.

    We just don't communicate well. I have anxiety which he can't seem to comprehend, he says my behaviour frustrates him and that makes him flip.

    I suppose I'm after advice on how to communicate better. I try to express my anxieties however silly they may seem but Im not sure he's capable of empathy.

    He won't consider counselling, he's stressed and has health worries which I do bear in mind but I can't excuse breaking stuff out of anger.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Boston, MA
    Communication is certainly important, but something is eating him and it would be helpful to understand what you are doing that makes him "flip." You've mentioned he's worried about his health and he's stressed. It would be good to know what they are. Also, why did his wife divorce him? Was he the same around her? Is he controlling with his behavior? What did you originally like about him? How has he changed since then?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    How often has this happened? It's obviously not the first time, based on your description. I would be very worried about this behaviour, especially considering there are children around.

    Is he violent or aggressive in other ways? If he's to the point of breaking items, I think you need to be concerned that sooner or later, that could be turned against you or a child. I am also worried that he takes zero accountability for this anger management problems and instead blames you - that is textbook abuser language.

    When you are upset, how you do express yourself? Is there a lot of yelling or swearing, either from you or from him? What sort of things trigger your anxiety?

    If he won't consider counseling, then I think you need to remove yourself and your child from the home. It's not safe for anyone to be around someone that angry. Do you have somewhere you can stay for a little while? He needs help individually, and you need help as a couple. You need to ask yourself where your limit is, if he refuses to meet you halfway.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2017
    I am sorry for that


  6. #5
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Anxiety is almost impossible to convey to people who don't know the feeling, when I tried to explain mine I would use something they did that didn't make sense as a relay. In your situation (and just to be clear a grown man shouldn't be going around breaking things in anger, so I don't condone the behavior with this suggestion), I would say try relate your anxiety to his need to break things. It's not a good feeling and it's not something he would go out and brag about, just like your anxiety. His compulsion to break things is like your compulsion to act on your anxiety. I'm no psychiatrist or doctor but that would be what I would do to help clear up the lines of communication. Hope I helped, good luck!

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