Mending my broken heart

What follows is a letter i've written to a girl i had crush on about 9 years ago. I'm 20 years old now and in short, i was rejected by this girl and it really destroyed my self confidence which followed throughout my teenage years. I felt the need to write this because i really think it's time to get past this experience and finally open myself up for a relationship or even a date at most.

I feel pretty embarrassed sharing this, but if anyone could share some tips in regards to asking a girl on a date i would really appreciate it and also on how to get past rejection. I feel like even if i do get rejected now, at-least i'll be prepared and it won't hurt as much as the first time.

Thankyou so much in advance!

Hey (Name kept confidential),

How are you?… you probably don’t remember me, but we actually went to the same primary school. I believe it’s been almost 9 years since then, it’s crazy how time flies.

We’ve obviously tracked two completely different lives and to be honest the reason i’ve actually reached out to you after all this time, is to get something off my chest. Without even realising it, i’ve been holding onto a somewhat (not to be so dramatic but) traumatic experience. So during primary school, i actually had a huge crush on you and i guess i was just too afraid of what you might’ve thought, so i never told you or even bothered to get to know you, simply cause i was such a shy kid. I’ve changed a lot since then and thinking about it now, it’s actually pretty funny to think of how naive i actually was.

Anyways as i was saying, my traumatic experience was when i revealed to my friends that i actually had a thing for you. I realised straight after how stupid it was, because from what i remember they immediately went over to your classroom and told you. This is where it hurt me the most, because the response my ‘messenger buddies’ got was “ sh*t no!”. Deeply devastated, i tried the hide my hurt and just continued to smile and go on with my life. But i knew deep inside after that moment, i would never be the same again.

I recently realised that i never actually came to terms with this experience and it’s stopped me from ever actually getting into a relationship. I’m 20 now and i still haven’t kissed a girl or been on a date. It’s absolutely painful at times, when people ask me why i’ve never been in a relationship… Well honestly after being so harshly rejected, i thought i’d never really have a chance. I wondered why bother getting into a relationship at a young age anyway and why not save the experience for someone special. I’ve recently discovered, it’s not a matter of finding that special person, because i’ve chatted to and got to know many wonderful women. Instead, i was always the one holding back in taking the relationship any further than ‘friends’, because inside i didn’t want to feel the same hurt like i did back then, incase they rejected me. I’m not expecting you to apologise or anything as it was simply my mistake for being so foolish about the whole thing. I just wanted to get that off my mental, because i really believe it’s time for me to move on and get over it. I hope i didn’t freak you about by sending you this, however i wish you a pleasant life and let’s hope we don’t ever cross paths again, because that would be quite awkward XD. But just know the feelings i had for you diminished a long time ago and i have obviously moved on after all those years. This is simply me finally trying to get over the experience of being rejected and hopefully opening myself up again.

Wish you a good life,

Regards,

That random guy back in school.

Nice letter. I hope it has proven to be therapeutic for you. You don't plan on sending this to her do you?

You aren't going to send this, are you? Writing is great, but dumping all of your emotional baggage on someone who was 11 when she rejected you is absurd and unkind.

Glad you got your feelings out, don't make a mess.

Do not send it.

Letters are a great way to get your thoughts and feelings on paper, but do not send this!

One thing about your letter is you come off very very insecure. You mock yourself and put yourself down. These are the bigger issues, not her rejection. Rejection is a normal part of dating, something that will happen again to you in the future. You need to be secure enough with yourself to shrug it off and move on.

Have you ever thought of discussing these events and how you're feeling with a therapist?

Hey thanks guys, and No i don't plan on sending this to her of-course. I don't want her to feel bad for something that happened such a long time ago. I just felt the need to write about and i don't really believe that this is the only thing holding me back from dating. Maybe it's just who i am? It seems much more complex than what i thought. But regardless, there's plenty of other things in life to be excited about... and knowing that, i'll be just fine .

Just realize that dating does involve rejection. When you put yourself out there people will turn you down, sometimes they won't be nice about it. You may get into a relationship that doesn't last, etc. It comes with the dating game. You have to develop a healthy self esteem so that these kinds of things don't destroy you and leave you unable to move on...because rejection in some way, shape or form is pretty much a guarantee in life.

What follows is a letter i've written to a girl i had crush on about 9 years ago. I'm 20 years old now and in short, i was rejected by this girl and it really destroyed my self confidence which followed throughout my teenage years. I felt the need to write this because i really think it's time to get past this experience and finally open myself up for a relationship or even a date at most.

I feel pretty embarrassed sharing this, but if anyone could share some tips in regards to asking a girl on a date i would really appreciate it and also on how to get past rejection. I feel like even if i do get rejected now, at-least i'll be prepared and it won't hurt as much as the first time.

 

Thankyou so much in advance!

 

Hey (Name kept confidential),

 

How are you?… you probably don’t remember me, but we actually went to the same primary school. I believe it’s been almost 9 years since then, it’s crazy how time flies.

We’ve obviously tracked two completely different lives and to be honest the reason i’ve actually reached out to you after all this time, is to get something off my chest. Without even realising it, i’ve been holding onto a somewhat (not to be so dramatic but) traumatic experience. So during primary school, i actually had a huge crush on you and i guess i was just too afraid of what you might’ve thought, so i never told you or even bothered to get to know you, simply cause i was such a shy kid. I’ve changed a lot since then and thinking about it now, it’s actually pretty funny to think of how naive i actually was.

Anyways as i was saying, my traumatic experience was when i revealed to my friends that i actually had a thing for you. I realised straight after how stupid it was, because from what i remember they immediately went over to your classroom and told you. This is where it hurt me the most, because the response my ‘messenger buddies’ got was “ sh*t no!”. Deeply devastated, i tried the hide my hurt and just continued to smile and go on with my life. But i knew deep inside after that moment, i would never be the same again.

I recently realised that i never actually came to terms with this experience and it’s stopped me from ever actually getting into a relationship. I’m 20 now and i still haven’t kissed a girl or been on a date. It’s absolutely painful at times, when people ask me why i’ve never been in a relationship… Well honestly after being so harshly rejected, i thought i’d never really have a chance. I wondered why bother getting into a relationship at a young age anyway and why not save the experience for someone special. I’ve recently discovered, it’s not a matter of finding that special person, because i’ve chatted to and got to know many wonderful women. Instead, i was always the one holding back in taking the relationship any further than ‘friends’, because inside i didn’t want to feel the same hurt like i did back then, incase they rejected me. I’m not expecting you to apologise or anything as it was simply my mistake for being so foolish about the whole thing. I just wanted to get that off my mental, because i really believe it’s time for me to move on and get over it. I hope i didn’t freak you about by sending you this, however i wish you a pleasant life and let’s hope we don’t ever cross paths again, because that would be quite awkward XD. But just know the feelings i had for you diminished a long time ago and i have obviously moved on after all those years. This is simply me finally trying to get over the experience of being rejected and hopefully opening myself up again.

 

Wish you a good life,

 

Regards,

 

That random guy back in school.

you started by saying bye then you say you want a date????