After 7 years of living like this, I want to end it all and have peace of mind.

Hello.

I'm 33 years old and a complete mental wreck. After 7 years of trying to change my career path and leaving the teaching profession, I've given up. My degrees turned out to be completely useless and the job I had to do for a living turned into something I utterly despise. I've been desperately trying to change my career but all employers just kept rejecting me either because of my age or because of my qualifications being unrelated to the field. I don't have a job right now because I'd rather starve to death than continue being a teacher. I don't have a stable life, a house, a girlfriend. My best friend died of cancer 4 months ago, which was a devastating blow. I've decided to spend whatever savings I have on traveling... have at least one half a year without being worried... Then, afterwards, I want to end it once and for all because I simply can't live like this anymore. Waking up every day and not knowing how else I could possibly change my life. At some point I thought I could go back to school and learn Computer Science but as it turns out, I'm too old for that, too. I can't get another BA at this point... and schools won't allow me to jump to an MA-level studies. For me it's all over and the only reason why I'm still alive is because I can't find the right pills to swallow.

First of all, call a suicide hotline.

Second, you are not too old to get another BA -- that is ridiculous. If you don't take the pills you will likely have another 50 years left -- so you aren't going to do what you need to do to improve things now? Makes no sense. Also, you already have an undergraduate degree -- schools will take that into account and won't make you do four full years of school. And these days there are PLENTY of non-traditional students -- you won't be the only one who over 30. Plus if you have a plan and actually act on it you will feel better (although you are clearly dealing with the trauma of losing your close friend -- therapy would really help with that and with all of this) and then you will be amazed how accomplishing something will start to improve your whole life.

You can do this. I went to grad school late and was older than everyone else, and you know what? Who cares? I have done a lot with my education and just because I was 10 years older than everyone else doesn't mean it was worthless.

Hello,

I can say that reading this, somewhere along your lines of sadness and dispassion for life, is a cry for help. And its great that there's a part of you that seeks it. You've come too far to let your demons win. I go to a trade school to become an occupational therapy assistant and there's folks in my class way older than you. Matter of fact, they're all around 25-30+. Trade schools can be expensive but it's worth it in the end if you save now and settle for a not so great job for another 2ish years until you graduate. That's just a suggestion. Also have you tried getting in touch with faith? I don't want to push religion down your throat but after a traumatizing event in my life, I reconnected with my faith and saw so many blessings come my way and I know the same would happen for you. I'm sorry that you're going through this, life can be so unfair. But it's really not too late to turn things around. Stay strong

Hello,

I'm not American, so I don't know what trade schools are but I believe they must be similar to vocational schools... For me, studying in Canada, Australia, the UK or the US would mean enormous costs because I'd be considered as an international (and mature) student. On the other hand, doing it in my country would mean that my degree would me worthless. Hundreds of times have I experienced rejections simply because my university degrees are considered as useless... and in all honesty, I have begun to consider them as such... Basically, I wasted all those years studing what I studied...

At this point... I feel that the only thing that could help me would be beginning my life from scratch... getting born again... Although... If I could choose, I'd never would have choosen to be born.

Much as I hate being a teacher, I can't even find a job in this profession because I'm not a native speaker of English and where I'm currently living, that's the basic requirement. Employers here would rather take a passer-by but a holder of the right passport rather than someone who does not in spite of his/her diplomas, work experience, etc.

So here I am... My visa expires in a month... I have to abandon my apartment... All applications I've sent have been rejected... and on top of that my funds are melting...

I'm not even dreaming of having a home one day... a family... If I survive another year without putting my head on the railway track... that will be a success... But what's the point anyway? Nothing is going to change because the world doesn't give a ... I'm 33 years old and it's too late for me to change my career and have a chance to do anything meaningful in life...

I tried to learn Chinese in the last 3 years and even though I've achieved a decent level, it's still useles...

I really wish I could just end it all because living like this is hell anyway.

I think I've understood that I'm just waiting for death to come... I've been so consumed by all those dark thoughts for so many years... I don't think I've ever had a day without worries, negativity... anxiety... I've aged significantly over these few years... I'm just a shadow... an empty body. My life has to end. It must end. Otherwise... it will always be like this... a living nightmare... I will never be able to think of myself and my life as a waste.

Mesmerized.

What you have is a bad case of depression.

I've been so consumed by all those dark thoughts for so many years... I don't think I've ever had a day without worries, negativity... anxiety... I've aged significantly over these few years... I'm just a shadow.

Doesn't matter whether you are in China or any other country, or even if you were offered a degree course tomorrow free of charge, if you don't get professional help for the underlying condition which is shackling you.

You are not the only one having things tough, life is no fairy-tale, for sure.

Every suggestion that anyone on this forum has made or on any of your threads you just shoot it down.

So, what exactly do you want to hear?

Then what am I supposed to do? I cannot afford to just attend a psychotherapy, which might last for years, while in the meantime, I'll be growing older and older and my career will be non-existent. In the end, I'll be 40 and still jobless and then I'm 100% certain nobody will even think of employing me. And then what? I'll need another psychotherapy? I just can't afford if (not just financially) Time is working against me. Time is not on my side. I'm already at the stage of life when I lose against 95% of younger than me candidates because they have better degrees or better experience.

I do see how a psychotheraphy could help me on the side, but I don't see how it could possibly change the reality of my situation.

Oh boy.

Anyone would think you are approaching 80 years of age.

The idea of therapy is not "something on the side" but precisely to assist you in becoming more resilient and more able, and hence in a better position to seek a career or take whatever decision you need to take.

So, you can't afford therapy. So, it is up to you to decide which way you are heading. No one can tell you that.

Oh boy.

 

Anyone would think you are approaching 80 years of age.

 

The idea of therapy is not "something on the side" but precisely to assist you in becoming more resilient and more able, and hence in a better position to seek a career or take whatever decision you need to take.

 

So, you can't afford therapy. So, it is up to you to decide which way you are heading. No one can tell you that.

You think it's that easy, eh? I'm sorry, you have NO idea how many times I tried to get a new job. You have NO idea how many applications I sent and was rejected. Heck, I tried applying for programs, for scholarships... and GUESS what? AGE. MY ING AGE is always a problem.

The last thing that absolutely killed my spirit was this:

Q: I will be 33 years old on 31 December of the year of the examination. Can I apply?

A: No, you cannot apply. You must be 32 years old or younger on 31 December in the year of the examination. There is no exception (even for one day) to the age requirement to apply for the YPP examination. However, you may apply for more senior positions which do not bear age requirements. You may find specific requirements for these positions by visiting the Job Openings page.

I saw a program offered by the UN... And for the first time in my life I felt that this is what I really want to do... I cannot apply because of my age.

There's nothing left for me. I hate being alive. I hate being old. The second I find a painless way to kill myself, I will. Why? Because it's easier than to than living my whole life feeling the way I feel now - that I've wasted my life because of the wrong major, wrong choices, wrong career path.

Yet another sleepless night... It's 2:25am... I can't recall when was the last time I actually slept... My heart hurts with every breath I take... Is it possible that I'm just a body... That I'm already dead...?

Hi, I totally feel you. I'm not American either to find the right therapy and I studied to become a teacher as well and now I hate that career because it is unbearable to work as a teacher in my country. I've been in your same position, maybe for less time but yeah, the same, trying to change my career path by studying something else, but even I, who I'm only 26, have been told many times that I'm too old for applying to bachelors degrees and I'm not accepted in MA because my bachelor is not related to the field... I've tried to learn a foreign language as well (aside from English) and even though I have a very basic level, it is yet not enough... If for any reason you speak Spanish, have you tried translation jobs? There are some online as well...

I've fighting the same fight as you, believe me... I've done everything, even knitting baby shoes to sell, selling cakes I bake, baking cookies for new year and Christmas, getting as much 25 dollars out of it and the jobs I've had have all been terrible as well, teaching jobs that would only pay the minimum with great amounts of work to do...

But you know? After all these years I learned something... Don't try to get a scholarship, it is almost impossible unless you have the right connections, I've tried for 3 consecutive years with no result and if you could see my high grades, you could believe it would be easy for me to get them but that's not true... Dont try in the US or Canada, the studies are too expensive, try in Europe where many public universities are free or their costs are very low. Try to get in ateliers, some times they offer short programs like for three months or six months, it's easier.

I've been very depressed as well and have also thought to end it all as well... but don't do it because of this, please don't... there are still some options...