14 years old and need help :( ....!

ANY HELP IS APPRECIATED XX

I'm 14 years old and in year 10. I struggle to break my emotional walls, have many family issues, not many friends but many problems. Ever since the age of 12 people in school used to causally call me a (not bullying) apparently due to the way i act but i just brushed off these comments as they meant nothing to me because I knew it wasn't true. About a year ago, this guy (lets call him D), joined my school. When he came, he really liked me but at the time I wasn't too interested in him as I had commitment issues and really wasn't ready for a relationship. We temporarily became friends and used to joke around but that quickly died and we never spoke again until 6 months ago.

(Little back story about this guy,hes average looking, quite popular, only child with a single mother, really funny, and a total player when it comes to girls)

But anyways 6 months ago we began talking again as friends and I sat next to him in a lesson. But always we were lowkey flirting but I didn't think much of it. That was until things started to grow... I downloaded Snapchat for the first time and as you do on the app, you send pics to each other. Somehow slowly the pictures started to get increasingly sexual and went from all similes to nudes. I started to like this guy increasingly and somehow let him manipulate me into sending him more and more. At the same time, I also talk to a much younger boy and was sending things to him too. However, we promised to keep our this secretive because if people found out, it would be a big deal. I began to trust D more and told him about the secret relationship which he revealed to everyone. I was hurt and betrayed but still really liked him... When everyone found out that I send nudes, all the girls thought I was a total but all the players began to come to me and also ask me for nudes. foolishly i sent my body to them in return for their attention. Meanwhile as my lessons with D progressed he started to touch me up and took my hand to touch him too. Thing led to other and i tossed him off in the lesson. It was foolish and he again went and told everyone. In spite of that i continued to toss him off in lesson and kept feeling guilty about it afterwards. He had manipulated me, betrayed me and played me yet i still like him so so much. If that wasn't enough he was also trying to get with my best-friend openly and she also liked him so we ended up losing our friendship because of him. I met him after school for the first time today... He talked for a while and started snogging, afterwards he took me to the toilets where we snogged more and did other sexual things but not sex. Tonight I came home crying like never before.. I know he is using me for my body because in public he never wants anything to do with me, But still I come back to him again and again and I know its stupid but I think I love him. He has stolen my innocence and made me a total , my reputation in school is gone and even my parents found out about all of this and are disgraced by me. He definitely doesn't love me back and hes in love with my best-friend with makes me sad because I know hes gonna break her heart too but at the same time I feel so jealous. I didn't have many friends in the first place but even most of the ones I did have left me because of "who I've become". I've started to feel so depressed, I've become a needy lonely and I just want my old life back but I don't know how to leave this guy and fix everything. I was really afraid to post this but if you got this far I honestly really appreciate that you read this and hope you can give me some advice

I think what you should do, is to just stop. Just stop all that past behaviour as of today. I think you should go into school tomorrow and pretend that no-one knows about the nudes, and even if they tease, just keep walking and brush it off.

I think for awhile, just go to school, and just do your school work, talk with others when they talk to you, and just act normal. No more running off with this guy, no more sending him nudes, just stop all that and stop talking to him. Don't let him pull you back in. Just say "I'm done with all of that" and just keep moving forward.

The rumours will die down if you continue to just be normal and not care too much about what's being said. It's hard, but if you just keep it together, I think things will turn out alright in the end.

Under review.