Communicating my HD to my LD wife

Hello all,

I have been scouring the posts here, checking other sites, other forums, etc. I am looking for any articles, books, other resources that can help me to convey to my LD wife what it is I am feeling as the HD in the relationship. I am looking for something that I can use in the discussion with her. I know I've seen some in my travels through here, but now that I really want to find it, I can't. So frustrating.

I have a hard time remembering everything I want to say when we are in the middle of a conversation. I end up saying things that aren't quite what I really want to convey. I need something to keep me "on task". Not that we cant get sidetracked, but something to refer back to, to continue the conversation. But my brain is working overtime and my mouth can't keep up.

In my professional career, this is easy for me. Why is it so hard when having these discussions with my wife?

Just a short request. Thanks for any support.

Not really sure LD and HD? Are these high stress conversations? That can cause you to forget or if you are anxious.

I've heard about those HD/LD TV's. I need to get one of those.

Just important to remember you are both D. Yes she is LD, and you are HD, but at the end of the day you are still both D. Focus on the similarities not the differences.

Asking for more sex in a "discussion" never works. You need to restore the romance. Women need romance, not begging to get in the mood.

This means date nights, helping around the house more, listening to her day more. Also getting yourself in shape, haircut/grooming, update your clothes, etc. It's a myth that women aren't "visual".

Also whatever conflict, exhaustion, resentment, etc is happening outside the bed will translate into the bed. So you need to fix that first.

I've heard about those HD/LD TV's. I need to get one of those.

my thoughts exactly.

LD wife= long distance wife?

what is HD???

Agree. Too much internet jargon and labeling isn't helping this conversation. Keep it down to earth.

Not really sure LD and HD? Are these high stress conversations? That can cause you to forget or if you are anxious.

Asking for more sex in a "discussion" never works. You need to restore the romance. Women need romance, not begging to get in the mood.

 

This means date nights, helping around the house more, listening to her day more. Also getting yourself in shape, haircut/grooming, update your clothes, etc. It's a myth that women aren't "visual".

 

Also whatever conflict, exhaustion, resentment, etc is happening outside the bed will translate into the bed. So you need to fix that first.

- This is terrific advice - women need romance to stay in love. They also need trust, affection, and respect.

However, if she was LD with everybody from start to finish, if she really is LD, those things won't matter (sometimes it's related to a medical condition, check with your doctor). She'll just need to learn to do it as part of the marriage. How hard is it to roll over and lay there?! Wow, such a heavy burden! Some Christians have a rule that the partner should be available whenever. Very controversial, but it works for some people.

Regardless of what you believe, all relationships take work to maintain.

low drive and high drive??

help a sister out, i have no idea what we're talking about

Asking for more sex in a "discussion" never works. You need to restore the romance. Women need romance, not begging to get in the mood.

 

This means date nights, helping around the house more, listening to her day more. Also getting yourself in shape, haircut/grooming, update your clothes, etc. It's a myth that women aren't "visual".

 

Also whatever conflict, exhaustion, resentment, etc is happening outside the bed will translate into the bed. So you need to fix that first.

With all due respect. I am not outright asking for more sex. In fact it started on how we can do those things more often. Have indoor date nights and what we can do to be closer with each other. I was actually trying to lead the conversation into her desires and wants both outside and inside the bedroom. This discussion somehow led us to the "You always want sex" and "Thats all you think about". I guess because I said that sex was part of my desires. She assumed that I wanted to go right then and there. That wasn't my intention at all.

I was trying to explain to her that it's not the sex directly that I am desiring, but the intimacy and closeness that goes along. However, I kept making broad statements instead of being more specific. I just couldn't think of them at the time.

And, we're working on the things outside the bedroom. Our life is chaotic, but we've both been trying to make our priorities higher. Working out more often, sitting with each other each night, having all the other relationship conversations.

I just want to connect with her on a more intimate level.

Thank you Wiseman2 for translating. So, HD means high drive and LD means low drive. For future reference OP, most folks think that LD means long distance and HD means high definition. Other than that, do as Wiseman2 suggests.

Also, I write letters to my spouse, so that I can communicate everything that is on my mind. I give him the letter to read, or I read it aloud, then we discuss the issue. This way, I am able to get everything out in the open without getting tongue tied. It works really well for me and my husband is very receptive when I do this.

We could be way off base, maybe it's this? So all we know is that HD has more traction and LD has more torque. drive and high drive??"Most four-wheel drive systems are separated into “high” and “low” settings, with “auto” existing as a default setting. Knowing when to use the high and low settings, however, is absolutely essential to using your four-wheel drive correctly.

When to use “High”: As a basic rule of thumb, you’ll want to use the “high” setting if you’re going faster than about 15 mph. This is recommended when you’re simply trying to apply more traction during potentially slippery conditions, such as when you’re driving on snow, ice, rocky roads, or over muddy terrain. However, you generally don’t want to go over about 55 mph even in 4-High as this can cause damage to your transfer case.

When to use “Low”: 4-Low generates much more torque than 4-High, and is to be used during more dire travel situations, i.e. when you’re traveling under 15 mph and are trying to get out of a tough driving spot. If you’re on a surface that is extremely slippery, doing a steep climb, or driving through dense mud, sand or water, then this is the time for 4-Low. As a second rule of thumb, if you are feeling tempted to go over 15 mpg, you can likely switch into 4-High without experiencing any added trouble".

We could be way off base, maybe it's this? So all we know is that HD has more traction and LD has more torque. four-wheel drive systems are separated into “high” and “low” settings, with “auto” existing as a default setting. Knowing when to use the high and low settings, however, is absolutely essential to using your four-wheel drive correctly.

 

When to use “High”: As a basic rule of thumb, you’ll want to use the “high” setting if you’re going faster than about 15 mph. This is recommended when you’re simply trying to apply more traction during potentially slippery conditions, such as when you’re driving on snow, ice, rocky roads, or over muddy terrain. However, you generally don’t want to go over about 55 mph even in 4-High as this can cause damage to your transfer case.

 

When to use “Low”: 4-Low generates much more torque than 4-High, and is to be used during more dire travel situations, i.e. when you’re traveling under 15 mph and are trying to get out of a tough driving spot. If you’re on a surface that is extremely slippery, doing a steep climb, or driving through dense mud, sand or water, then this is the time for 4-Low. As a second rule of thumb, if you are feeling tempted to go over 15 mpg, you can likely switch into 4-High without experiencing any added trouble".

okay but what if you have ADHD/ ADD-pi and then you're like HD/LD/LD/HD/DLHDHDDDLL/no wait it's HD/LD/HDDDL DAMMIT!!!

op, assuming you want more sex, it would be easiest to advise if we and you both understood whether this is just a libidinal difference or whether she doesn't like sex in general or doesn't like the way you go about it, has concerns about the relationship making intimacy more difficult, is on medication that affects her that way, is stressed, depressed or just plain uninterested, lazy, selfish....and how low are we talking?

this could be anything.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. I thought it was a joke post.

Is there even such a thing as a joke post?

There's troll roll Fridays.

Is there even such a thing as a joke post?

low drive and high drive??

 

help a sister out, i have no idea what we're talking about

 

I'm with you. I was rather confused. I decided it must mean "low drive" and "high drive" but when happtown said something along the lines of them both at least being D's I was really thrown. However, I gather from happytown's post above that he was actually as confused as the rest of us!!

 

Anyway, OP (assuming we are talking sex drives), has your wife always had a low sex drive or is this something that has changed over time or recently?

Usually when you are on ice, you want to start in high drive so you don't just sit on it and spin.

Think about that one for awhile

I'm with you. I was rather confused. I decided it must mean "low drive" and "high drive" but when happtown said something along the lines of them both at least being D's I was really thrown. However, I gather from happytown's post above that he was actually as confused as the rest of us!!

 

Anyway, OP (assuming we are talking sex drives), has your wife always had a low sex drive or is this something that has changed over time or recently?

Yes I have absolutely no idea what it means. But I'm glad that we have arrived at a consensus that it is about sex. Google was no help. I was imagining the original poster rolling around laughing.

Is it perhaps some kind of dating website lingo?

okay but what if you have ADHD/ ADD-pi and then you're like HD/LD/LD/HD/DLHDHDDDLL/no wait it's HD/LD/HDDDL DAMMIT!!!

 

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Funniest thing I read all day

. . original poster has probably left the room