Want to stop thinking about my ex...

I’m really confused about why I still think of my ex…

I’m currently in a relationship with an incredible guy. I love him so much, and he loves me. Our relationship feels healthy and strong. He supports me and makes me feel incredible. I have no desire to end things with him, and truly care about him.

The only thing is that for some reason I cant get my ex out of my head… and I really want him gone. I don’t think I have feelings for him. If he were to ask me out I would say no. The thought of doing anything sexual with him is repulsive. But I still can’t stop thinking about him. I just wanna know what he’s doing or what he’s up to. (Also let me add that we haven't dated in two years, although we have seen each other a couple times for lunch. I feel really pathetic for still thinking about him.)

To be honest I think it’s because I never got full closure. We didn’t date for long but the break up was really drawn out. I thought pretty badly of him for a while, but we made up as friends, and I thought I put this in the past. And although we are “friends” we don’t talk or see each other.

I also acted a bit dramatically when we broke up, and feel like I lost all the power in our dynamic. I don’t like thinking that he could think I’m weak, crazy, or emotional.

Bottom line is that I’m really sick of thinking about him. I’ve blocked him on social media and everything. I don’t want me thinking about him to get in the way of my current amazing relationship.

What should I do?

Sounds like you did the right things..blocked him, no contact etc. I'm not sure where all this is coming from. Be glad you have a great guy, and do not under any circumstances let your curiosity about your ex interfere. Like, don't go cyberstalking your ex, or get in touch with him or anything. Sounds like you won't tho.

No I won't contact him.. but how do I teach myself to let go of him? How do I get him out of my head?

Hello, Ari.

Just let him go. Each time a thought of him pops into your head unbidden, acknowledge it, if you wish, just a mental nod, 'ah, you, again. Good bye' and deliberately replace the notion with literally anything else. 'Right, back to studying these dishes I'm washing! Look how the bubbles gather on the edge. I wonder if I can pick one up without breaking it..' 'How do I feel about the current political/sporting event/weather condition, happening just this moment? Let me pause to reflect intently..' and so on.

Thoughts can be as habitual as any outward action, and you absolutely can resculpt yours until you train your brain that some of them, such as any to do with your ex, are simply unexciting and uninvited.

You may be hitting a frustrating wall in trying to cease thinking of this fellow precisely by ardently trying to cease thinking of him.

I'm hoping that if you take a more gentle, casual approach to indifferently dismissing any inkling of him, with as little fanfare and friction for yourself as possible, you will soon see your heart/head/psyche following your purposeful redirecting more and more effortlessly, until it truly is no effort at all.

You're doing the right thing and I expect you're doing a better job of it than you may feel you are. Give yourself credit where credit is due - for prime example, you aren't dithering about this chap in your mind, nor fantasizing, no 'what ifs' or 'well maybes' and your moral compass is firmly tuned to your present and future well-being with your new and lovely relationship.

You may merely be cracking the metaphorical whip too hard on yourself to 'behave' and behave at once, inadvertently making the very thoughts you wish to purge all the more stubbornly attractive to your curious mind.

You're doing well, really. It's okay to take a lighter hand with yourself. I hope this approach will feel more comfortable and effective and you'll be able to achieve the results you want sooner and more permanently.

I wish you the best of luck.

You need to stop communicating with him, no less dating him. Breaking up IS closure. Seeking that is just an excuse to scan his social media, keep tabs, hang out, etc.

All so very unhealthy and it stunts the current relationship. Why sabotage what you have going?

Go strict and total no contact. Delete and block him from all messaging and social media and please stop dating him behind your current bf's back. You have a choice in the matter.

we haven't dated in two years, although we have seen each other a couple times for lunch.

As usual, Wiseman2 is right on the money.

I sabotaged my life for 5 months by "keeping her in my life" instead of walking away. It led to massive depression and anxiety.

Go No Contact for yourself so YOU can grow and move past this......