This is my naked true, please advise :(

This is my short story:

Im 34, divorced with a 7 years old kid. My marriage ended in a divorce because my ex got involved in a relationship with a woman with perfect body (said by himself). This fact devasted me and my selfsteam, I am a beautiful woman but I´m fat, I have nice curves but my naked body is really far from that ideal fit woman.

After my divorce I had a short relationship where I felt the looks was not important but we had different way to see life so we broke up. That experience gave me the hope that I did not have to be perfect to have a partner in life, but to be honest I lowered my standards, I felt like I did not deserve a nice guy. I accepted dating someone I wouldn´t have when I was younger, and surprisely it turned out very well, I felt in heaven, everything was so perfect! I always try to be an good person in every aspect of my life and I felt like I was beeing rewarded for it, I did not deserved the jerk I married before and life was bringing everything to position.

We have now a little more than one year together and today I found out he is always sexting with gorgeous women and picking them up for one night stands, this was a cold water bucket over me, I fell like everything I thought in the first place is true, because of my figure I will never find someone who respects me, I have a lot of good thing to share but it seems at the end is not important, I feel like trash, I´m even considering to "belive" his excuses and ignore what he does because is all I can get... Please help

Please focus on this one idea:

Your exH and this bf - how they behaved is their choice, their responsibility, and not at all a reflection on you. Their cheating is not your fault. Their behavior reflects on them. Not on you.

There is a lot more to think about. For now, please understand. This is not a reflection of your beauty, sexuality, character, nothing. This is not about you.

Now you know what your bf is capable of, and that's a gift to discover now rather than a year from now, after a wedding, etc.

I am so sorry for your pain. He has a dark side you didn't see till now. Too bad he isn't the angel he had seemed to be, and that is the real loss - the loss of someone who never existed. But he seemed to. Your idea of your bf died, and that is a loss and it makes sense to go through the stages of grief.

You are still very much alive. Thank goodness for that.

It has nothing to do with your size, but the cheating jerks you choose. Are there red flags that you are failing to acknowledge, or excuse.

There are many men that love plus size ladies.

I'm sorry, for the deceit. Take a break from dating, so that you can heal.

Harriet,

Would you believe me if I said this has NOTHING to do with your bodyweight? Seriously. This happens to women regardless of their bodyweight. To women of all sizes and shapes.

The common denominator? Some kind of insecurity or unhappiness with oneself and therefore unintentionally choosing insecure men who have a tendency to control - overtly or covertly. In more extreme cases, we get guys who are set to bring us down to reguate their deflating ego so for instance you get double-edged stuff that sounds kind of good but also leaves you frozen. For instance, during sex, we hear "oh, these legs will look so good when you tone them a bit" and we are stunned - this is said for our own good of course, we are being too sensitive, what's the problem with us Yes, I got this from an insecure douche who was not half as fit as I am And guess who had confessed this insecurity about legs to this moron? Me of course

And really, what's his problem with your weight? I mean he saw you before he started a relationship with you and you didn't change tremendously in one day, did you?

Here is what happened I think. He sensed your sensitivity about your weight and subsconsciously or maybe consciously thought he could have the emotional upper hand in this relationship because he is insecure. The way to protect ourselves from this kind of stuff is to work on our confidence so we don't feel like we have no future beyond these losers and settle for them. (And also when we stop spoiling them while we are trying to compensate for things we THINK we lack - which we don't actually.)

You WILL find someone who respect you no matter how you look but first you must start loving and respecting yourself like you deserve. Body image is often dictated on us and can be replaced with more positive images. You can find lots of photography projects by women online that promote the beauty of all bodies and challenge the norms dictated on us.

Do not settle for this guy - he will kill your soul.

You deserve soooooo much better and it is attainable once YOU change your mindset.

Hugs

You got rid of this guy, right???

Perfect people don't exist plain and simple. I agree with the above you got two cheaters. A person who loves and cares for you aren't going to point out your flaws. You wouldn't do it to them. Plus you or someone else might not even think it's a flaw at all. It's his problem.

If it has anything to do with weight or looks, then why does so many super models and celebrities that get cheated on (eg Tiger Woods has a beautiful wife)?

Like others said, nothing to do with looks or body shape or anything on the outside. It's all got to do with the men you've picked, seems like your man picker is broken, perhaps time to take a break from dating and reflect on your past experience, where you went wrong, what were some of the early signs that may have indicated this person has less than good moral values or less than good character. Once you figure out where you went wrong, you can put together a good "must have" and "deal breakers" list, and learn to identify red flags early.

Contrary to what you've done before, you need to raise your standards, not lower them. Raise your standards in terms of values and character, not in terms of looks.

I have no good advice but I want to say I am sorry this second guy is a dog.