I dont even know where we stand

We work together. Were together 5 yrs. Very in love so it seemed. He was dealing with a very long slow separation from wife throughout. Dec something happened, she called me. After this, his number changed and he missed work over a week. Naturally i panicked emailed constant & could not get a straight answer on what happened. When we did speak all he said was pls be patient he was going through hell and needed to get settled. Then it turned into, you dont deserve this, i cant promise you anything or devote myself to our rlshp completely right now, im trying to figure out where im headed & need time & space but im not confused about what i want (me), im not saying its over between us. So i feel lost confused & like im in limbo. We used to see each other almost every day outside of work, long romantic dates, quality time & talk every night. Now i only see him sparingly outside work ( we've kissed & talked) but we dont speak after work at night anymore & it feels like a break up though he says its not. Ive never been so in love & i dream of him and wake up feeling pain in my heart & not believing this happened. He always told me how serios he was about finalizing the divorce and our life together. How could someone cut off closeness & constant communication so quickly... I have to see him everyday but feel like he is a coward and as much as i love him, if he does come back then what

Well what happened in December and what did his wife say when she called? The information would be useful.

If he does come back, you should only take him back if he knows 100% what he wants. That seems unlikely however given his current state of confusion. I know you love him but there's no point in being in a relationship where that person doesn't love you back or is, in fact, still in love with someone else.

She asked alot of questions and i was shocked i told her to speak to him. She told me she was trying but he wouldnt speak to her. He told me he had never told her about us because he did not want her to think the separation was due to our rlshp. But after this happened he is behaving like a scared child and will not elaborate or go into detail with me.

She asked alot of questions and i was shocked i told her to speak to him. She told me she was trying but he wouldnt speak to her. He told me he had never told her about us because he did not want her to think the separation was due to our rlshp. But after this happened he is behaving like a scared child and will not elaborate or go into detail with me.

Such as?

It sounds like he's been hiding some big things from you. Perhaps their marriage isn't as "over" as he made it sound.

So you were together for five years and he kept you a secret from her?? Did you not ever think that was odd?

Who ended their relationship and how long after did you get together?

Why was their divorce taking so long?

What questions did she ask? Your posts are rather vague.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like he didn't want to be divorced from her in the first place and never told her about you because it threatened any chances of them getting back together. Now she has found out about you and it has thrown a cog in the wheel.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he's reconciling with his wife or she found out about the affair and gave him an ultimatum.

Unfortunately at this point it's still an affair and he was clear about not "being able to promise anything", which sounds like string along talk. You are not in limbo.

He was dealing with a very long slow separation from wife throughout. she called me. After this, his number changed and he missed work over a week. he said i cant promise you anything or devote myself to our rlshp. He always told me how serios he was about finalizing the divorce and our life together. How could someone cut off closeness & constant communication so quickly

It's not uncommon for a married man to lie about being separated. I worked with someone for 4 years, then we started dating. A year later I found out he was married and living with his wife. We worked with hundreds of people - nobody knew he was married. Some poeple will go to great lengths to hide these things.

Wouldn't surprise me if he lived with her during all this time though I don't want to be presumptuous. It does sound like something is happening with his wife.

I'll be honest - the only way you're going to find out if you're meant to be together, is to move on. Yes, you heard me. If you love somebody, set them free. Go on dates, even if you don't feel like it. When you've completely let him go, he will either go crazy at the thought of losing you, or accept it and stay with his wife. But clinging onto him will only have one result, and it may not be the one you want.

Thank you all for your advice... This is so hard im in so much pain i wake up every morning heart hurting thinkibg of him and go to bed crying myself to sleep. I feel like i was in love with a stranger but i do waNt him back.... And i guess this only way is moving on and seeing if he cant live without me cause now he still has my kisses after work on occasion. I have not slept with him again or invited him over to prevent that. I felt he was the love of my life & we were so good together. Now i wonder if he cared for me 1 bit in 5 yrs. And how do i manage working with him now same office... God i need help being strong. I feel so naive

What questions did his wife ask you?

Did you spend time together at his house? Meet his family?

If you provide more information we can give you better feedback.

She asked did i know he was married & who i was. I froze in shock. I met his kids who at one point went to same school as mine. Sat with them during company events where he brought them. Was at his house a handful of times only. We'd see each other on dates out or at my place which wasnt so far.

Do not contact him and delete and block him from all social media messaging, etc. In the office be cordial and professional that's it.

Yes this woman is hurting more than you are. Stop assisting him in that. Sadly he was lying to both of you leading a double life.

She asked did i know he was married & who i was.