Fallen for a friend who is religious

I have a friend who I've been harbouring feelings for for a couple years now. We see each other weekly at a social event, from which I usually drive him home. We will often sit in my parked car and talk for hours after arrival. He doesn't really ask to invite me in, unless I ask to use the bathroom or something. But he is never in a rush to hurry off out of my car. He is religious and I am not. I know that Christian guys are strongly advised to only date other believers, and they believe that it is better for the man to make the first move. Apparently they don't like it when women are too forward.

About a year ago, he told me he is "almost ready for a relationship again", but has never asked me out. He's disclosed a lot of private things to me about himself and quietly stammered about how much he trusts me once, back turned to me while saying it. Lately, I've made some invitations, going to a movie, me making him dinner, but he rejected both. Then the next weekend, he's back in my car, not going inside, and talking up a storm. Now it's wintertime and I am growing impatient in the cold.

Interestingly, he doesn't shy away if I touch him (his hands or his face), even of other people are around, but he doesn't initiate touching me, and doesn't maintain solid eye contact when we talk up a storm (both of us, I promise, not just me!). I don't know how well he would respond if I tried to hurry things along and confessed my feelings to him, because the clues are ambiguous. I am 33 years old and I thought I was done with this juvenile nonsense!

Should I ride it out a little longer, point blank him, or what? As a humourous aside, his best friend asked me last week if we were an item (because we both showed up in same coloured sweaters for the second week in a row, and it was a good opportunity to tease I guess) and I said 'no', and he said nothing. Sigh.... I guess other people see something there.

TL,DR: What's up with the not looking at me when talking to me? Is that shyness in a grown-ass man? Or disinterest? I'm trying to figure out of there's any attraction at all, because it strikes me as odd how a grown man would invest HOURS of prime sleep-time talking to a woman about all things under the sun and keep it platonic. I was under the impression that if they invested that kind of time in a woman (and this one calls himself a hermit), there is attraction there.

Sounds like waaaaaay to much work to even get off the ground. Can't imagine what a relationship would be like.

Many grown people are shy.

Unless you both can respect each other's beliefs though this won't work.

From my experience he IS shy, likely because he is not sure how to proceed and afraid that by him initiating any form of contact he will get rejected. Also the eye contact thing, well I am very bad with that too, so maybe nothing but a personal habit. As to dating and faith this all depends on him personally.

But rejecting the dinner/movie thing is odd, but could be nothing other than him not sure what the intent is.

This guy could also by leery of initiating contact with the toxic calls of rape being used carelessly.

Bottom line, ask the man out and make no bones that you want it to be a date. Otherwise not knowing will be far more hurtful than wondering.

I think you need to find out more about his religion. Maybe it has sexually repressed him, therefore accounting for the shyness. Or, the shyness might be nothing to do with his religion. You need to investigate.

Depends what kind of "Christian" he is. At one end of the scale - "Born again?" "Fundamentalist"? At the other end of the scale - "Brought up" a Christian but doesn't really believe or practise it, just attaches the tag to himself.

Unfortunately it sounds like he thinks of you as a dear friend. You may want to cut back on the car talks if you feel you are getting too attached.

Agree that when the time comes, he will probably date a Christian woman from his church. He's not too shy to date he's just not leading you on and proves this by declining your date invitations, so at least he is acting with integrity true to his beliefs.

I know that Christian guys are strongly advised to only date other believers.

About a year ago, he told me he is "almost ready for a relationship again", but has never asked me out. I've made some invitations, going to a movie, me making him dinner, but he rejected both. Then the next weekend, he's back in my car, not going inside, and talking up a storm

Sticking my neck out a bit, I'd go as far as to say that if you are non-religious and he's religious, then it's pretty much doomed. Relationships like this probably can work, it's not an absolute impossibility, but whether they're likely to work, I would have thought would be fundamentally extremely unlikely or lead to a rather uncomfortable experience. This is assuming that he really is a "Christian", not just one of these people that reckons they're a Christian because they were "brought up" like that.

I think you should cut to the chase, have a serious talk with him about his religion, and what he "believes" - and I think that could be an eye opener for you.

Being religious or non-religious (atheist, "adeist" - if there is such a word) require vastly different mindsets which you will most likely find leak out into the reality of your relationship and affect it vastly, in all kinds of areas. The first of which, you're currently discovering, is sex.