What's going on in her head?!

Hi,

My ex and I were together for about 6 months. We broke up about 4 weeks ago. We’re both 29 yrs old.

We had a very strong emotional and sexual connection and things were pretty much great between us the whole time. However, in hindsight I was a bit needy and weak at times which caused a few fights throughout the relationship.

A few weeks before she broke up with me, I noticed that she was backing away (texting less, being less sweet, etc.). I did what most idiots do and that was over-pursuing her which caused her to back away completely to the point where she said she didn’t think we could be together anymore.

After that we were in contact from time to time and I was still doing too much pursuing. I saw here 2 times during these 3 weeks and she was always very affectionate (holding my hand, cuddling, giving me kisses, etc.). Which always led me to believe that “things might work out”. However afterwards she always went cold again.

So about 1 week ago we talked on the phone and said that this couldn’t go on any longer. I said my goodbyes, told her I would miss her but that the door will always be open for her. She cried and said she loved me and all that kind of stuff.

3 days later she texts me “Good morning, how are you?”. I was at work so I didn’t reply right away. An hour later she calls me. I kept the conversation light and short and ended with “I’m happy to hear from you, we should get together sometime, let me know when your free”. She responded “yea that would be great”. I didn’t make a definite date at that time, which was not the smartest move but hey you don’t know what you haven’t learned.

Another 3 days later she texts me “Everything okay with you???”. I responded a while later “Hey! I’m great! It’s nice to hear from you. Hope everything is okay with you aswell. It would be nice to hang out sometime. When are you free?”.

She responded “I’m also glad to hear from you. I’m free thursday and friday.”. So I respond “Okay great, we can cook dinner at my place. Friday at 5pm?”.

This was about 36 hours ago and she hasn’t responded yet. However I noticed she has been on her phone, I noticed that she had changed her status to “The grass always looks greener on the other side, until you get to the other side”.

So my question for you guys is..

What is going on in her head? She reaches out, tells me when she’s free and then goes cold mid-conversation? Why would somebody do that?

And the status she wrote is so confusing aswel. I know… it’s just a status but I can’t stop thinking about this.

Just wanted to see what your opinions or viewpoint is about this.

She's testing the waters. She doesn't want to fully commit to you but doesn't want to cut you loose in case she wants to crawl back. This is classic keeping you on the back burner, keeping you as an option, possible even friend zoned...it's up to you how much of this is acceptable. You may have to make it clear to her you're interested in saving the relationship and getting back to exclusively dating each other and anything else is not something you're interested in. She's playing right now and maybe she'll come back but maybe not.

It sounds like after 6 mos. of dating she tried to get back with her ex and now that that hasn't panned out she's seeing gauging things with you again.

When you see her, try to pin down what's going on. friendzone? fwb? hookups? reconciliation? did she date her ex during the break?,etc. Ask precisely what she's looking for at this point. Don't settle for ambiguity again.

She responded “I’m also glad to hear from you. I’m free thursday and friday.”. So I respond “Okay great, we can cook dinner at my place. Friday at 5pm?”. I noticed she has been on her phone, I noticed that she had changed her status to “The grass always looks greener on the other side, until you get to the other side”.

Yeah, it seems like she is playing a few games here.

Just don't even bother trying to figure out what is in her head and start focusing more on doing things you enjoy in life and the right girl will come along....

She is probably just curious...if I were you I would just never contact her ever...if she writes you...keep it short and ask when she is free to get together - but...since she blew you off...she would have to work for it and come over to your place and bring a bottle of wine and make dinner together ...no taking her out anywhere at first

Ideally, when in a relationship a guy should only be doing about 20-30% of the perusing (after the first few dates). Once you cross his, her attraction will tend to get lower....women need the space to feel attraction for you...maybe think of it like a cat...if you run up to one and try and grab it by the tail what will it do? lol probably run away and never come back...but if you do your own thing it will eventually get curious and come by ....

I understand that her reaching out is her testing the waters etc. But if she would not be up for hanging out, why would she say I'm free then and then. And not just make up an excuse like "I'm busy, I'll let you know". Instead of just not replying anymore which is just weird (and rude..)

I'm not going to do anything right now because well I hit the ball over the net and it's up to her to hit it back.

But I wonder what I could do if she would hit me with another "how are you?" in a few days or so, ignoring the date completely?

I don't want to be angry or whatever about it and come over as weak or needy. But on the other hand, like I said, I think it's not very friendly to do this.

I just have no clue as to what would be going on with her. Could it be that she freaked out about a date like that (coming over to my house) and therefor backed off?

Agree this may have been too much. She may be looking for friendzone and just hanging out, but not dinner at your place.

I respond “Okay great, we can cook dinner at my place. Friday at 5pm?”.

I just have no clue as to what would be going on with her. Could it be that she freaked out about a date like that (coming over to my house) and therefor backed off?

she doesn't want sex, or any actual commitent. she just wants to toy around. it's all fun and games, until you're too close for comfort-- and you're too close when you sound like you have actual expectations. you're fun to tease from a distance though.

pass.