The Ex Factor

A year and a half ago, I met who I thought was the love of my life. We did everything together, and he was my everything. I spent holidays with his family, and my family loved him. I was single two years before I met him after a mildly abusive relationship, and I was so happy to be with somebody who cared and treated me like his princess. I loved him so much, and he loved me back. We were talking about moving in together and getting married one day.

Somewhere around six or seven months into the relationship, the sex stopped and he suddenly became very irritable towards me. I would try to have sex and he would roll over and brush me off. I know he wasn't cheating, but the thought came up. This hurt me alot and caused alot of fights. He finally said that he had ED and didn't want to talk about it. He drank ALOT ( alot more than he had when I met him) and this was also an issue. One day about three months ago, we got into a terrible fight over a FACEBOOK POST and he broke up with me. He threw all of my stuff away and called me a bunch of nasty names, which he'd never done before. I was devastated. I threw myself into my job, and worked on establishing new friendships since all of my other ones were his.

I had finally started to get better; I wasn't the at the point of dating again yet, but I was finally moving on, when he showed up at my door and apologized for everything. He confessed that he'd secretly been doing drugs (which I'd kind of suspected) and had been lying about how much he drank. He was so sorry, and felt terrible about what he'd put me through. We had a long talk and he promised me that he was working on slowing down on his drinking and would only drink with me (so that he wasn't drinking every day.) I mainly drink on the weekends except a glass of wine or two during the week, and I don't do any drugs. I was shocked, but I decided to give him a second chance.

A couple of weeks later, we still hadn't had the "make up sex" that people always talk about. I hadn't even slept over yet. I asked him about it one night, and he said his sheets were dirty. I asked why he didn't just wash them, he got mad and then snapped that he didn't want to let me sleep in the same dirty sheets that he $%&* 6 girls in! I was so hurt and upset, and disgusted, because he was always brushing me off while we were together and then he basically out after dumping me. Now I feel like it was me that he didn't want, and I feel terrible about myself.

I know when you're single you're single, and 1 or maybe 2 people in the three months were apart is kind of ok, but that many in such a short period of time and so quickly just makes me think about him like somebody else. I feel so hurt and grossed out, and now every time I think about him I get the image in my head of him on top of some random girl, in the same bed where did the same thing, where he said he loved me and promised that he would never leave. I can't imagine how I'd feel if we'd actually had sex and I found this out afterwards.

This information-which I admit I DID NOT need or want to know-caused an argument. He called me wasted out of his mind the next day and said that he doesn't want to be with me, It's not going to work, that he's sorry for leading me on into thinking we were back together, and to $@#! off. I know that was partially the alcohol speaking, but the wound I'd tried so hard to heal was ripped open all over again. So here I am at home by myself, instead of trying to meet new guys and live my life, I'm crying because he broke my heart all over again. And more than anything else, I feel like a complete fool.