Rejection multiple times

I think I judge myself way too much, think and analyze too much, but I can’t help it. That’s how I am.. All the following events took place in a semester (4 months) time!

I started this semester with emailing the guy I made out multiple times last semester..After sleeping with me, he told me that he wasn't over his ex.. I thought all of those moments which we had, meant something and was leading somewhere, but actually meant nothing to him..

It was a sort of rejection for me which I decided to not let that affect me.. I took my time to get over things and eventually I did. I ended up messaging him that we can try to be friends if not anything.. things started becoming normal with him henceforth..

Ever since then, I found myself doing weird stuff.. A change, within myself which I never thought could have happened. On a very drunk night, I kissed a neighbor and a very good friend.. glad that we sorted out things soon and there wasn’t any awkwardness thereafter.. I went to a New York trip and ended up making out with another friend whom I was meeting for the first time..

When I was back from New York, a guy in college started liking me, I liked him too, but after sleeping with me, he told me about him having an open relationship with some other girl.. There again, I was left hopeless in love.

Amidst all these, I had a very good friend and a project partner, a very helpful senior with whom I loved to hang out with.. There was some sort of a spark between us and we kissed, although I was very clear in my head that this wouldn’t go anywhere..

Lately, a disaster happened! I casually made out with a friend which meant nothing to either of us, but meant a lot to the girl who saw us making out and who likes my friend!

I feel hopeless! I really don’t know what I have been doing, why I have been doing all of these! In my pursuit to replace my ex (whom I loved, but had to part ways because of long-distance and family issues) with someone equivalent, I have lost myself somewhere!

I am penning down all of these, to make me realize what a shallow lass I have been through all of these incidents! I feel absolutely useless of myself!

All I know is that I wanna come out of this situation of sulking about myself and stop feeling pathetic! Please help..

It seems as though you are trying to replace your ex boyfriend with someone new and you're going about it the wrong way. Mixing alcohol, random kisses with male friends and sleeping with men doesn't seem to be working too well for you at the moment, so it maybe more sensible to control your alcohol in take, not kiss male friends and hold off having sex until you have established a relationship with a man.

I don't think you should feel bad about what you've done, you haven't cheated on anyone, you haven't behaved in an immoral or objectionable way, I just think you're desperate to have a connection like you had with your ex and this has led to your actions. Recognise that there are other means to get what you want and explore those means, they may or may not work out better for you, but there's only one way to find out.

It would be best if you went no contact rather than be friends with this guy. It seems to have quite a negative effect. Hook-ups only temporarily mask some pain, but they won't lead to a relationship. And they could leave you feeling worse after, even emptier. Move on from this guy and try for a relationship...if that's what you want.

try to be friends...In my pursuit to replace my ex

It seems as though you are trying to replace your ex boyfriend with someone new and you're going about it the wrong way. Mixing alcohol, random kisses with male friends and sleeping with men doesn't seem to be working too well for you at the moment, so it maybe more sensible to control your alcohol in take, not kiss male friends and hold off having sex until you have established a relationship with a man.

 

I don't think you should feel bad about what you've done, you haven't cheated on anyone, you haven't behaved in an immoral or objectionable way, I just think you're desperate to have a connection like you had with your ex and this has led to your actions. Recognise that there are other means to get what you want and explore those means, they may or may not work out better for you, but there's only one way to find out.

Thanks a lot