He acts sad/angry around me... what does it mean?

Hey guys,

I don't know if you remember me, my ex dumped me a month ago and we're in the same class same group of friends etc.

I was miserable the first few weeks, now I'm doing better, not totally healed but on my way.

But his behavior is very odd... I've been cordial to him, treating him nicely but not showing him any attention when he's around and doing my thing. Yet he started to act as if I hurt him or something, as if he's angry at me... When he sees me talking to our mutual friends (especially the guys) he gets in defense mode and stops talking for the entire day? He isolates himself with this sad face for a few hours, then acts all happy and jokes around, makes sexual jokes in front of me and flirts with mutual friends in front of me. I don't react to that and I keep being positive, interacting with my friends, and then he proceeds to avoid looking me in the eyes, going out of his way to not sit at the same table as me (for example when we're in the library and our whole group of friends is sitting with me he'll go sit at another table when he could just have sat next to someone else).

I don't understand.

He's the one who dumped me and acted so indifferent days after the BU, why is he acting like that now?

Shouldn't he be relieved I've moved on and treat my like any other person?

I actually read a few of your other posts and I think he's angry because he wants (maybe unconsciously) to hurt you. As long as you avoid interaction with him, he has no power over you.

The reason I say this is because I understand your relationship went well for a few months, or so you thought, and then he became abusive. Now he flirts with your friends in front of you and seems upset you don't get jealous. I don't know him well enough, but it often happens to guys to dump a girl they feel is too much into them only because they want to demote her from girlfriend to FWB. That way they can go out with other girls and also keep you on call when they are alone. I don't know if that was your case, but if you keep worrying about his feelings, you may end up like that.

He never wanted us to be friends with benefits, he told me the relationship was too much pressure and that he felt I was unhappy and he couldn't live with that guilt anymore. I feel like he's broken up to stop hurting me. So that would be weird to try to hurt me now if it's something that made him guilty... but that was at a point where he knew he had a lot of power over me. Maybe seing that situation change made him angry...

So I shouldn't take it as a sign of him missing me? I'm afraid his behavior messes with me and leads me on

No...you should not see it as a sign he is missing you. You should see it as a sign he is avoiding you.

That's what I thought at first mhowe, but he changes his behavior everyday.

One day he went to that other table, and on another day he sat next to me while I was the only one there and there was room for him to sit elsewhere. But as he sat next to me he proceeded to avoid looking at me and talking to me ?

Then on last friday he was at the same table as me as my friend and tried to joke with me, but I wasn't having it, I was talking to someone else and then he got that sad face.

I'm so confused. He acts like he's avoiding me and then he does this kind of stuff?

You are reading into his facial expressions and choice of seats. Just leave him be. He broke up with you.

You're right. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this. I just thought that after one month he'd be acting normal, especially when he's the one who wanted to stay friends

Staying friends doesn't work. Young people think its possible but it isn't. The first time you see him laughing with another.girl or find out who he is taking to prom, you will see that.

God. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be at peace

What to do?,Be yourself...focus on s hool and family and friends. There is life after break IPS...same life you had before you were dating him.

I judged the situation not based on what he said, but based on what you said he did. You, on the other hand, are still in love with him, so you remember every one of his words. In your mind, you still search in them for clues that he's still into you and the breakup is just temporary. The problem is that you are essentially the same people, so if you get back together now, your relationship will follow the same patterns. From what you said so far, it's hard to tell if he's missing you, or not. Maybe he's just missing the power he had over you. In any case, it is not so relevant because if he wants you back he needs to make serious amends. Let me just say this. If I asked you out and told you in advance that I will treat you the way he did, would you consider giving me a chance? I'm talking not only about the first few months of the relationship, but also about the other ones.

In any case, based on the timeline of your relationship, I'm wondering if he really was in love with you to begin with.

If it were to be as bad as it was in the last months, I would definitely say no. I would probably have said yes a few weeks ago, but not anymore.

The first three months he was amazing, so I think he was in love with me. Then summer came, we were still good, not as passionate as before but it was good.

Then September was awful, we broke up because he was unsure of his feelings, he came back two days later saying it was the biggest mistake of his life, that he was sure now. He even cried. It was really good for something around two weeks, then he started feeling pressured again and started treating me poorly. I couldn't take it anymore so I confronted him and that's when he broke up with me, telling me that too much had happened and that our relationship was too unstable and unhealthy. He cried.

I think you're right. I'm still idealizing him. I should only judge him based on his actions. I'm tired of this. I feel so pathetic.

I think you should use the rest of your night wisely. You have to sleep, eat properly, exercise and start rewarding yourself for every day that passes without you talking to him. Spending your day with your friends should also help.

I'm sure you have a chance getting up together with him, but as I already said, you'd break up again. He seems immature (just judging by what he's doing). If what you said so far is true, he was the reason your relationship was unstable and unhealthy.

You're so right.

I deserve better.

I still have our messages, I think I finally have the strength to delete them now.

I'm just really anxious about seeing him at school. I'm afraid I'll never get over him, or show too much emotion. It's really impossible to avoid him.

To everyone out there, NEVER date someone you have to see everyday. Or one of your friends. The consequences are awful

Am currently dating one of my friends and its great. If we break up, it would suck for a while, but life goes on.

I mean just be careful if you have to see them everyday in the case it ends.

You're so right.

I deserve better.

I still have our messages, I think I finally have the strength to delete them now.

I'm just really anxious about seeing him at school. I'm afraid I'll never get over him, or show too much emotion. It's really impossible to avoid him.

 

To everyone out there, NEVER date someone you have to see everyday. Or one of your friends. The consequences are awful

Cherish the moments you had, not the way it ended. One day you'll be fine hanging out with each other, just not now.

Anyways, yeah, delete those messages. Back when I was having troubles and rereading them, I decided one day to just read them once more and delete them after. And both the reading, in that mindset, felt good, good memories, and the deleting was a relieve. If you choose to remember the good times instead of not having control over yourself in reading them, it's a whole different experience. That was a good day.

You're waaay too invested in analyzing every breath this guy takes. I'd skip that, and live my life. If he has anything he wants to say to you, he'll say it. If not, where he sits and how he looks is irrelevant.

Head high.