My ex is probably still into his ex and always was

Its been and still is an ongoing journey on moving on. Earlier today I looked at my exs pintrest page and noticed he started following his ex again on there. Who knows for how long but about 2 or 3 weeks ago, he unfollowed me on pintrest. I know pintrest isn't a big deal or anything but I don't have Facebook.

I don't think he's pinned anything new on pintrest anyways so it's strange he'd follow her again.

When we we're together he continued to be friends with her on Facebook still and vice versa. This of course bothered me and I did mention it early on but I didn't really push it cuz I didn't know how to express it with out sounding a certain way or jealous.

I don't remember what was said when I did bring it up but I was uncomfortable with this.

Anyway, it makes all these thoughts come flooding back making me wish I knew or told him more about how it made me feel.

Makes me think horrible thoughts like he could have been in contact with her the whole time we were together and if that's true he never told me about it.

They could have even hung out who knows.

I wish I would have asked him when he picked up his stuff if he liked her or was talking to her again. Either way knowing or not knowing hurts but at least I would know.

Who knows if he'd tell me the truth anyways.

I always thought I never measured up to her and was always compared. They were together for 5 Years and lived together and he got her a dog and she broke it up with him.

I always had suspicions that he still may be into her or maybe not over her.

I know this is stupid and none of it matters and there's nothing I can do. He made his choice and doesn't want me in his life and I accept that. When I found out about him following his ex again, i felt really bad and sad and have urges to contact him and ask which I will never ever do but that's how upset I get.

I'm doing much better in healing but this leaves me with unknown answers to pointless questions.

I know it's over and I accept it and plan on never contacting him again. But I still miss him at times which sucks. What do I do with these thought and questions I have about his ex?

Its hard to not think about it I need to feel it accept it and try other things? Ugh

I just feel like I didn't mean much to him and now maybe it always was about his ex. Especially since he can move on so quickly and not want me in his life.

I Just want peace in my heart and soul but I'm not sure I know how to obtain that.

The real problem is you are not over him. Two years from now, assuming you break all contact, including pintrest, you'll find yourself in a different relationship and wondering what exactly did you find so great about this guy. And these two, your ex and his ex, will be just two strangers to you whose faces will slowly fade from your memory. Until then, however, nature will take its course and your head will be filled with these questions because your brain is trying really hard to trick you into getting back with him. With love is a lot like with addiction. I'll tell you a story which I liked.

There was a alcoholic. He was a good craftsman, but because he drank so much his life was miserable and his children often went hungry. So he vowed he won't even set foot in a bar anymore. It went very well. After only one month his family life seemed to return to normal and he got lots of work. As he was returning from some job with the money he felt it was time to celebrate. And he told himself "There is the bar, I should drink to my abstinence."

Thanks for ur reply. I'm not looking to get back with him I know it's over and have for a while. We were not right for each other but I really liked him. Probably more than he like me.

I lost myself and I feel jealous and horrible for him possibly getting back with his ex even though I don't know for sure. It just hurts and I hate having these feelings. I feel like I wasn't worth it to him and he might have been talking to his ex on Facebook without telling me.

That hurts. A lot. I just want peace. I know it's over and don't want him back. I hate being jealous about it and all the other emotions but it is what it is

I've been in a similar situation.

What I did to move on, was to acknowledge my complicity (denial), by failing to respond to the red flags. I had to take a deep, hard look at myself, and understand why I felt so little of myself to remain in a situation, where I knew that he had feelings for the ex. Thus was not about him, but me.

You need to deal with the self esteem issues, as you never would have stuck around for this instability if you had stronger boundaries and felt better about yourself.

Next time, respond to the red flags, don't stick around hoping that feelings.will magically change.

If you want peace, then stop following him.

If you hadn't checked out his Pinterest you would have been none the wiser about his ex.

If you want to move on then you need to cut ALL ties you have with him.

You think it would make you feel better to know these things but it won't. It will only fill your head with more questions. The more you search, the more you'll find things out that will hurt you and the more you find these things out, the more you will want to know. If it isn't about his ex it could be another girl.

If you want to stop having these thoughts then stop putting yourself in a position to know what is going on in his life. It is as simple as that. The less you know the less you have to get over, especially as you won't necessarily believe he is giving you an honest answer anyway. You will only question whether he is being truthful or not and start looking for signs to show that he isn't being honest.

If it helps I will tell you what it seems like to me .... though of course I know very little. I think you are probably jumping the gun when you say they have been hanging out or even had much (if any) contact but it is likely that he was never really over her. That's not to say he wasn't fond of you but it just wasn't enough. If you can accept that without creating scenarios in your head you will be making your first steps forward.

If it isn't his ex, it will be some other girl. Does that make any difference? No, he is always going to be with someone else, just not you.

I don't know how Pinterest works, but you really do need to stop looking at his page. The questions you should be asking yourself are "Why should I care? Why am I focused on someone who doesn't want me in his life?"

Don't waste anymore valuable thoughts on him.

How long had he split from his ex before u and him got together?

If you want peace, then stop following him.

Thanks, I'm not following them I actually blocked him on pintrest but I can still search for him which is bad I know

How long had he split from his ex before u and him got together?

I don't remember exactly but I wanna say maybe about 6 months?

If you hadn't checked out his Pinterest you would have been none the wiser about his ex.

 

If you want to move on then you need to cut ALL ties you have with him.

 

You think it would make you feel better to know these things but it won't. It will only fill your head with more questions. The more you search, the more you'll find things out that will hurt you and the more you find these things out, the more you will want to know. If it isn't about his ex it could be another girl.

 

If you want to stop having these thoughts then stop putting yourself in a position to know what is going on in his life. It is as simple as that. The less you know the less you have to get over, especially as you won't necessarily believe he is giving you an honest answer anyway. You will only question whether he is being truthful or not and start looking for signs to show that he isn't being honest.

 

If it helps I will tell you what it seems like to me .... though of course I know very little. I think you are probably jumping the gun when you say they have been hanging out or even had much (if any) contact but it is likely that he was never really over her. That's not to say he wasn't fond of you but it just wasn't enough. If you can accept that without creating scenarios in your head you will be making your first steps forward.

Yea I might have jumped he gun I have no clue if they hang out or talk on there but if they did talk on their while we were together he obviously didn't tell me.

I know they liked a few pics of each others dogs and he got her her dog when they we're together and I think that was part of the reason he didn't delete her on Facebook but still.

I didn't really know how to communicate to him that I was bothered by it. But it doesn't matter now I know. Just hard not to wonder about it.

He had issues and so do I but he was a pretty nice guy for the most part and good people are hard to fine.

I know he was with his ex for 5 years and they lived together and they both never deleted each other on Facebook. I assume that they probably kept each others numbers too. It just makes me sad cuz he kept all that with his ex and I dont think he did with me.

During the break up I was upset and wanted to see what he'd say if I mentioned deleteing each others numbers. He just said "ok" I was like isn't that how it works? Then he just went on how he never meant to hurt me blah blah blah.

Anyways, my point is he kept all of his exs contact information but had no problem getting rid of mine. Yea I did ask him cuz I wanted to see what he would say but guess it doesn't matter to him. He doesn't want me I his life

Ok is its still relatively early days. They do say not to date before 6 months but some people tAke longer to move on from an ex. Also he was with his ex for 5 years that's a long time so it probably would of taken more than 6 months. Don't compare yourself to his last relationship you will go crazy doing that. He has a past and that's something you can't change. Please don't judge your worth on his feelings for his ex. You will find someone who will love you for you when the time is right

I know he was with his ex for 5 years and they lived together and they both never deleted each other on Facebook. I assume that they probably kept each others numbers too. It just makes me sad cuz he kept all that with his ex and I dont think he did with me.

 

During the break up I was upset and wanted to see what he'd say if I mentioned deleteing each others numbers. He just said "ok" I was like isn't that how it works? Then he just went on how he never meant to hurt me blah blah blah.

Anyways, my point is he kept all of his exs contact information but had no problem getting rid of mine. Yea I did ask him cuz I wanted to see what he would say but guess it doesn't matter to him. He doesn't want me I his life

A lot depends on what terms they ended .. and also on what terms you ended as to the choices he is making now. If things ended mutually between him and his ex and there was no ill feeling between them then they may not have seen any real reason to delete each other. Also as regards other ex's, they may have been re-added at a later date, most likely long after emotions had settled. If he was with his ex for 5 years then I am assuming these are long ago ex's. Having them as friends is an entirely different matter to having a very recent ex as a friend on Facebook.

Whatever his reason for agreeing with you, deleting an ex's number is a step in the right direction and for a lot of people it is actually how it works. If he felt that is what you needed to do then he isn't going to disagree with you. That would just feed you false hope.

Right I don't think it was that long ago. I think it was only 6 months prior to us dating but Idk for sure. They just never deleted each other but yet he deletes me on pintrest and possibly my number and such.

She dumped him and he said he never saw it coming and she didn't really give him a reason.

As for me and him, we tried twice and we're together about a year and a half total and he broke it off both times.

First he said he just hast to much to figure out right now but maybe we can be friends or try again in the future but it wasn't certain.

So instead of letting me in while going through stuff he just breaks up with me.

We we're only apart a little over a month and decided to try again but there was no lable bit he got defensive when I asked what we we're. Mostly cuz I beated around the bush cuz I didn't know how to bring it up. Then he annoyingly said I was his girlfriend. We were together another 4 months I sensed things we're off so I asked if we we're ok in a text.

He replied back that he thinks we are wasting time together and doesn't have the energy to fix us anymore. And that was it a week later I asked about retiring each others things.

I know I'm making him sound like the bad guy here cuz you don't know the whole story but it is what it is. I think my feelings we're deeper for him than his were for me

Well I don't know if you have exactly painted him as a bad guy as such. However, it certainly sounds as though he was never into the relationship as much as you were. When someone doesn't want to put a label on something it's because they don't really want it. You should have seen the red flags then. I don't think he was (or is) quite over his ex-gf. Deleting you from FB (or wherever) is his way of ensuring that you get the message that's its over. It doesn't mean he has any less respect for you than he has any of his other ex's. He is just dealing with this break-up as he sees fit .... in a way that benefits you both in the long run.

Right cuz he was uncomfortable with me being friends with my ex (like hanging out or talking/texting) cuz I asked him if he wanted me to or not yet he was still "friends" with his on Facebook

Yea I wish I seen the signs early on and ended it myself. It was our second time trying again when there wasn't really a label. The first time lasted longer and there was a label so Idk.

I was doing so much better in my recovery then I got really upset last night for looking on his pintrest page and following his ex again. But it is what it is.

I'm trying to not let it or him hurt me anymore. He's not worth occupying my mind but it's easier said than done

Ok is its still relatively early days. They do say not to date before 6 months but some people tAke longer to move on from an ex. Also he was with his ex for 5 years that's a long time so it probably would of taken more than 6 months. Don't compare yourself to his last relationship you will go crazy doing that. He has a past and that's something you can't change. Please don't judge your worth on his feelings for his ex. You will find someone who will love you for you when the time is right

Yea I'm trying not to and I don't want to but it's difficult. I kinda felt I was being compared to her while we were dating. Weather that's true or not I don't know it just felt or seemed that way to me. Like I never measured up.

We we're not compatible which is odd cuz we were together long enuf. I wish I seen the red flags and ended things myself sometimes.

I struggle with anxiety and depression and al add o with low self esteem so I have a lot to work on and it will take some time.

I just wish I could tell myself something when I think of him and his stupid ex or do something but I don't think there's much I can do. Just need time I suppose.

It just sucks cuz I tried really hard and I rely liked him but none of it mattered he probably is still into his stupid ex and it makes me bitter and jealous. I hate these feelings

Yea I wish I seen the signs early on and ended it myself. It was our second time trying again when there wasn't really a label. The first time lasted longer and there was a label so Idk.

I was doing so much better in my recovery then I got really upset last night for looking on his pintrest page and following his ex again. But it is what it is.

I'm trying to not let it or him hurt me anymore. He's not worth occupying my mind but it's easier said than done

Yes I realised you mean the second time was without a label. Again, that should have been an indication that he wasn't going back for the right reasons or that he wasn't really going back at all ... just going through the motions.

Yes it is easier said than done but it can be done and you were actually doing it ... until you looked at his Pinterest. You can learn from this.

Yea I'm trying not to and I don't want to but it's difficult. I kinda felt I was being compared to her while we were dating. Weather that's true or not I don't know it just felt or seemed that way to me. Like I never measured up.

We we're not compatible which is odd cuz we were together long enuf. I wish I seen the red flags and ended things myself sometimes.

I struggle with anxiety and depression and al add o with low self esteem so I have a lot to work on and it will take some time.

I just wish I could tell myself something when I think of him and his stupid ex or do something but I don't think there's much I can do. Just need time I suppose.

It just sucks cuz I tried really hard and I rely liked him but none of it mattered he probably is still into his stupid ex and it makes me bitter and jealous. I hate these feelings

You probably were being compared. Not because of who you are or what you've done but just because he hadn't given himself enough time to get over her before dating again. In that case it doesn't matter how wonderful you are he's not in a position time see it. He is still grieving his ex and wasn't fully available to be with you

Also don't compete with her it's like competing with a ghost. Just learn from this and move on.

You probably were being compared. Not because of who you are or what you've done but just because he hadn't given himself enough time to get over her before dating again. In that case it doesn't matter how wonderful you are he's not in a position time see it. He is still grieving his ex and wasn't fully available to be with you

 

Also don't compete with her it's like competing with a ghost. Just learn from this and move on.

Yea I just wish I could stop thinking about him and his ex it's horrible I hate it.

You probably were being compared. Not because of who you are or what you've done but just because he hadn't given himself enough time to get over her before dating again. In that case it doesn't matter how wonderful you are he's not in a position time see it. He is still grieving his ex and wasn't fully available to be with you

 

Also don't compete with her it's like competing with a ghost. Just learn from this and move on.

Yea. Mostly likely. It makes me sad to read that