She called me passive aggressive ??

I want to go to a show (band) tonight so I invited someone I had dated before with whom I didn't have a complete falling out: and

 

It was just a simple friendly no-pressure invite. She responded to say she was working and "but I'm around. How are you?".

 

I responded that I was "perfectly well. Thank you. Perhaps another time. Cheers."

 

She said that I'm "perfectly passive aggressive. It was just a friendly hello. Perhaps another time. Cheers?"

 

 

I read up on passive aggression and the only bit that seems to fit is that perhaps sometimes I don't say exactly what I feel or what I want.

 

I told her before, in the context of 'dating' that I enjoyed her time and company and the other things that are implied by dating. I find when you tell people how you feel and want that they shut down and become distant, whether or not there is an attraction. She told me then after about 12 weeks and barely any physical contact that I made her feel pressured. IDK. And something about answers to some questions having a...hidden meaning?

 

ie. One time she wanted a picnic table and asked me how to go about get it assembled. I told her all she needed was a cute bearded man (I had a beard and she said I was cute) and couple beer. She got the same answer when she asked about getting new strings on her ukelele.

 

Meh!

I didn't read your other threads, but huh??? The only thing I can think of regarding your text reply is that she misinterpreted it and thought you came accross as angry/irritated about her not saying yes to the invitation?

as in; 4 short sentences, no smileys, no asking "and how are you" back, etc. Some people could read that as 'grumpy'.

 

Still, her response was a little weird and uncalled for. And considering the other stuff you wrote, I get the impression that she is not that easy of a person, but most of all just not compatible with you. It seems that she just doesn't "get" you/your humor/your quirks etc.

 

"I told her all she needed was a cute bearded man and couple beer."

 

So like I said... think you should just cut all contact with her, she will always be someone who criticizes your every move and your every word. We dont need someone like that...

Aim for people who lift your spirits and make you feel special and good about yourself.

It seems like she read your text wrong; otherwise, she doesn't have any clue what "passive aggressive" means. I was just talking to my boyfriend last night about that term and how so many people use it without understanding what it means.

 

I'm guessing she read your text as really saying something like "Well, I'm irritated now. Forget it! I didn't want to go with you to the show anyway. You won't be hearing from me again!" When that's NOT what you meant. Certainly, texting can confuse things -- there is a degree of interpretation involved sometimes -- but she took what you wrote and twisted it into something entirely different. That's her issue -- not yours.

 

I would say to pass on this one. Her response to you was rude, at the very least, and at worst, it suggests she's a drama queen.

I had only invited as a friend anyway, I meant that other ship had sailed. So I was just keeping it simple and straightforward as far as smileys and such go. Just to be sure she knew I wasn't necessarily asking her out on a 'date'.

I'd say she's the passive aggressive one. Instead of coming right out and asking you to help her put the picnic table together, she hinted at wanting you to do it and then you hinted back that you would. Seems you're both poor at actually saying what it is you want. Did you put her table together?

Same thing for the strings on her ukulele. Why didn't she just ask you and why didn't you just volunteer or decline?

 

I haven't read your other thread either but I don't see what it would have to do with anything, really. After all you do say that you once dated which means you are not anymore. Why don't you just next her altogether and then you won't have to worry about her passive aggression at all... Do learn to communicate clearly though. In this new world of communicating with words on a screen, you really have to be clear and make sure that your words are not construed as sarcasm.

 

Instead of saying what you said, you could have just answered her that you were fine, asked her how she was doing and then when she responded, told her "well, cheers, glad you're doing well and told her be well." You cut her off without responding to her pleasantries and she's silly/easily offended enough to be passive aggressive by it.

No, I didn't do anything about her picnic table or ukelele despite making myself available multiple times for the former.

 

No other 'friend' has ever told me I'm passive aggressive.

No, I didn't do anything about her picnic table or ukelele despite making myself available multiple times for the former.

Well, not just telling her that you would put it together for her if she wanted was being "passive" at least. There is no "aggression" in your comment though.

 

No other 'friend' has ever told me I'm passive aggressive.

She is confused with someone just being "passive" (which you were) and being "passive aggressive."

 

Just be cognizant of being very clear and straight forward in what you are trying to convey if you are doing it by text or email because if you're not, then you run the risk of being mis-understood as you likely were in the scenario in your opening post.