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Thread: The Imsuperman Files

  1. #31
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    A Life's Work

    [video=youtube;2rFY_gmkZCE] ]

    I think a lot of what I've been feeling, the things that I have detailed here, has to do with me feeling a little rudderless nearly eleven months after college. I was so optimistic and felt like I had accomplished so much. Good grades, maturity, good things ahead. Now after all that time not a lot has changed despite all my effort. I'm still looking for a more stable career and at the same job I was then, though I do make a little more now. Even when I got my great review this past week and another raise, in my head it was kind of like, "Cool. Still don't wanna be here."

    And I'm not naive to the fact that what I'm feeling is totally natural for someone at this stage in life. It's just that I've felt this way a lot, especially since the new year began. When I'm applying to all these jobs I feel totally at the mercy of others, and that's not a feeling I enjoy.

    Going to see a movie tomorrow for the first time since maybe The Wolf of Wall Street. It's usually rare for me to not go to the theater in so long but the winter movies kinda sucked and the weather here certainly did.

    Spring is coming, however slowly. I always like being able to open the windows, and hopefully I can do that here soon.

    My email buddy got back to me yesterday evening. She says she wants to go to E3 someday. We talk at length about cool places to go to and being anywhere but where we are.

    NOTE: Thanks for getting this horrible, nonsense journal to 500 views

    [IMG] ]

  2. #32
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    On Heroes

    If you've been in ENA's Off Topic section I've spoken about my grandfather, the only one I knew, there a few times.

    He really liked westerns. I went on a big kick of western movies recently, one of them being The Wild Bunch which my dad said was one of his favorites. It was cool to think about. Like I have it on blu-ray in the highest sound and picture quality. Forty five year old movie. One of his favorites. For a couple of hours, I saw something he had seen and I liked the idea of that, I really did.

    It's difficult for me, but I so vividly remember everything about the night he died. I was 13, my sister was not two weeks from 11. Phone call at maybe 9:30 PM. It was my aunt. My mom picked it up but my aunt asked for my dad. She told him then but he didn't tell us until he got there. The three of us still at home laid in my bed and cried a lot after we found out.

    Two days before we had been up to see him and grandma to deliver some fundraiser food I had for band to them. Grandpa seemed strangely confused, not himself. He asked a few times where my dad was, even though we told him he didn't come. I sat next to him and told him about a funny sports article in that day's paper. A bit after I was done, he looked over, startled to see me. I thought it was just him being hard at hearing, like he always was. My mom seemed worried. Ruled a heart attack though. No one really knows. I helped carry the casket that following weekend.

    My sister and I went to their house every Saturday when we were kids. We would talk them into going to the store and they would buy us toys, books, movies. I feel very guilty for being so spoiled.

    But my favorite thing was probably watching Ohio State football games with my grandpa. We would write down our score predictions on a little yellow notepad by grandpa's spot on the end of the couch. If Ohio State was playing anyone halfway decent, he'd shine me on and say very seriously, "Now I'll tell ya, they're gonna lose today." (Southern drawl. Grandma is from the hills of West Virginia and he was from southern Ohio, which, if you don't know, is basically West Virginia. Think a deeper Foghorn Leghorn.) I was a nervous wreck during every conference game. I'd get up and pace around. He'd jokingly tell me to sit down because I was making him nervous. He would always just laugh when Ohio State did something really good, I remember perfectly the sound of that.

    He pops into my mind from time to time, usually just lying in bed before falling asleep. It happened earlier this week, don't remember what day, and I shed a couple tears for the first time in a while.

    I have his Marine bayonet and compass from Okinawa. He said very little about the war itself. Never spoke of violence. My dad told me he tried to sneak his .45 out when he went home. They caught him. Grandpa told me they'd get bored and pelt the tanks that no one was in with their rifles. He spoke often of how loud B-29 bombers were, and how they'd come back shot all to hell and he couldn't believe they could still fly. I have a photo of him at 18, right after completing boot camp. He's in his dress blues and has a little smirk. It is the best photo anyone has ever taken.

    I hope he'd be proud of me. I like to think he would, even though I'm still figuring things out.

    Everyone has their heroes.
    Last edited by imsuperman; 04-11-2014 at 10:35 PM.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Go Your Own Way

    A song that reminds me of someone in my life nearly three years ago and also makes me feel like a sixty year old man for listening to it on repeat.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Thought

    Being young is thinking everyone's against you, getting older is realizing next to no one cares enough to bother with the effort it would take being against you.

  5.  

  6. #35
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Good Day

    After her being flaky, I think I'm done with email buddy. Would have been talking one year this coming Thursday, if I remember right. Just got sick of waiting for responses, so whether she gets back once more or not, I'm moving on.

    Good day today. I'm in a good mood. Got a lot done at work. Crappy weather but it'll be climbing back up to nice after today.

    Killer workout yesterday felt good.

    My sister filled out her financial aid info and says she wants to go to school. I want to support her and give her all the advice I can. Despite the choices she's made, I still want her to figure out her life, provide for her son, all of that.

    Definitely a movie night tonight, I think.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    The Middle

    Been doing all right. Not bad at all, but just a little dissatisfied. Outside of seeing movies with my best friend, I have basically no social life. That is mostly my fault. It's beautiful out today, but I have no one to do anything with. The weather has had a good effect on my mood though, I feel more upbeat after a brutal winter here.

    My hunt for a career continues.

    Nothing from email buddy. Last sent her 13 days ago. I feel kinda glad to be freed from that. She was the first "crush" (dumb word) I'd had in a good long while, but she was pulling away and it was time to part. I hate feeling like I'm "chasing" someone. Her interest level dipped and I think we just kind of ran out of things to say. I have couple pictures of her on my tablet. I might keep those to remember her by. I didn't tell anyone in real life about her, just ENA.

    Workout time. Arms. Curls for the girls, as we say at work.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Oh Yeah. About That.

    Email friend sent last night, at what would be about 2:30 am her time. It's been a long while since she responded at that time. She sent a video of what Split is like. It's cool-looking. I sent back earlier today. Having a friend somewhere completely different in the world is too fun and interesting for me to stop. I need to just enjoy it and stop being so entitled and whiny I think I just get angry when I think a woman is into me then she loses interest. I'm like, "Oh hell. What did I do now?" I feel like I'm kind of a really good starting pitcher who can't throw a complete game. I can get women interested but then I don't show enough interest and act aloof, etc, and then that's that.

    And, in her case, it's good knowing someone who a geek like me about comic books and movies and stuff.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Gotta Figure Out Something

    Ugh, I'm just so bored with my job. Been here too long. I wanna start the career I devited my education too but I just keep getting rejection letters. I want to leave here but not just horizontally on the pay scale at a different location.

    It's exhausting. The days all blend together. I've been out of college almost a year now.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Much-Needed

    It's been a much-needed delightful weekend. Read outside for about an hour yesterday and going to try to do the same later today. So nice out. Dirty Wars is heavy reading, so I may read some fiction for my next book. I'm thinking something pulpy, like Rainbow Six. Some escapism. We'll see.

    May see The Amazing Spider-man 2 this weekend.

    I know, I know. Going to movies and reading counts as excitement in my life. That's just the way I am.

    EDIT: If you haven't yet, check out FX's Fargo series. Billy Bob Thornton is incredible in it.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member imsuperman's Avatar
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    Well...

    Unfortunately it's going to be an overcast and rainy week. Blech. I try to keep making the future better but I dwell on the past mistakes I've made and missed opportunities I've had.

    My current mood is a mostly melancholy and a little exasperated.

    Kinda lonely. At least I have work to help me interact with other humans.

    Gotta get cranked up for my workout in about an hour and a half too. Sometimes I think about rejections from jobs or girls or whatever when I need to get through a set. It sounds...almost immature? But it helps me.

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