Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Friends with benefits - Advantages and Disadvantages

  1. #1
    OwnWorstEnemy
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    5
    Gender
    Female

    Friends with benefits - Advantages and Disadvantages

    Hi,

    So I recently ended things with someone whom I was seeing because I was developeing feelings for him knowing he did not want a relationship (he told me from the start). After breaking it off, he admitted he had feelings for me to but is 25 and a footballer so obviously, he wants to remain single and enjoy his life, as we all do. I'm 19 and I fell for him quite hard after dating him for 6 months but we have remained friends by texting etc (every day). I am the only girl he has had a reltionship with and he always tells me how much he cares and values me and it was his idea to be friends - I was going to cut him off alltogether.

    Anyway, It's been a while and I told him I'm over him and it was just a crush and no biggy. The conversation somehow got on to the topic of sex and he has asked me to be a FWB. I have never done this before and although it sounds great - Male company, sex, and still have freedom - Ive been told it can end badly.

    I do not have feelings for him anymore as I realise me and him would not be suitable as a couple but we are great friends and have so much laughs and are sexually attracted to each other. I've been told I can be very niave, so I would like to know from your personal experiences and advantages and disadvantages?
    Thanks

  2. #2
    DylanNotorious
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Nigeria
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,289
    Gender
    Male
    1. You only get to see him when it suits him.

    2. He ends up making all the rules.

    3. It's extremely hard to walk away from.

    4. You will have to put up with other girls being on the scene/him sleeping with others

    Sorry, couldn't think of any advantages.

  3. #3
    markie6
    Platinum Member markie6's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Somewhere Beyond The Sea
    Posts
    2,820
    Gender
    Male
    There are only advantages if you can remain emotionally unavailable as most are who participate in FWB ... sadly most seem to think it's a pathway to somebodies heart... and it very rarely is... it's a polite way of people using each other

  4. #4
    DylanNotorious
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Nigeria
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,289
    Gender
    Male
    1. You can't complain when he does not text/call/email or facebook you.

    2. He uses your body for really his own sexual gratification, instead of respecting your body as a temple.

    3. Your friends will get sick and tired of you moaning about him.

    That's all for now, I'll think of more soon.

  5. #5
    OwnWorstEnemy
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    5
    Gender
    Female
    Thank you Dylan, I liked your replies, very honest and humerous and your probably right as I could see it going that way. I guess I would be settling for less even though it would be a short time thing.

  6. #6
    Bunney
    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,826
    Gender
    Female
    DylanNotorious, those only apply if she had serious feelings for him and was hoping for a relationship (which ofc might end up being the case, but for now she said it isn't). So, no need to be that negative and pessimistic.

    Personally I'd say go for it. What've you got to lose? you can try and see how it goes, I mean life's short. With all the pessimism on this forum I sometimes wonder if these people ever have fun in their lives.

    Haha and please, "respecting her body as a temple". Sex is sex. Everytime it happens, the body IS used for "sexual gratification", no matter if male or female. Only difference is that it's without a commitment. He might very well still respect her, seeing as they've been friends for a while and he, as he says, values her a lot.

  7. #7
    MikNomis
    Platinum Member MikNomis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,906
    Gender
    Male
    You'll be a booty call, are you okay with that?

  8. #8
    paradisa
    Silver Member paradisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Age
    33
    Posts
    327
    Gender
    Female
    I read the post you made a week ago, October 16. I don't think this is a good idea. There is a lot of drama already in this situation and even if you feel that you are over him right at this moment, that feeling may not last. I advise you move on and seek someone more worthy of your attention and affection. Good luck.

  9. #9
    Snny
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,899
    Quote Originally Posted by paradisa [Register to see the link]
    I read the post you made a week ago, October 16. I don't think this is a good idea. There is a lot of drama already in this situation and even if you feel that you are over him right at this moment, that feeling may not last. I advise you move on and seek someone more worthy of your attention and affection. Good luck.
    I want to piggy back on this.

    OP, you said back on that thread you were 20... here you say 19?

    Some important details mentioned from that previous thread that REALLY stand out:
    has had a lot of one night stands.
    He even made the agreement that we both wouldnt go elsewhere (sleeping with other people or dating)
    I questioned him on this last night and all I got was 'I know you deserve better than me, I'm always letting you down.'
    So he slept around... plans on doing so... and expects you to not date or sleep with other people? Sounds like he wants to keep you to himself and can justify sleeping with the next girl is "ok" because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Plus he has zero self confidence and pushes you away. Sounds like he plans to take you on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride.

    Yea... don't agree to the "friends with benefits" (the polite euphemisum for "Booty Call") with this one. He doesn't have a clue what he wants and neither do you. Plus he wants to suck you into his drama. And since you already had developed feelings for him before... and you think they're gone... they will come back. I guarantee it.

    Let him go.
    Last edited by Snny; 10-23-2012 at 06:40 PM.

  10.  

Top Threads
Found photo of ex-wife in Boyfriend's nightstand
Been dating a guy for a year. We are in our mid-30s. He married his high school sweetheart but has been divorced for 8 years. She cheated on him and
that might sound a bit crazy but pls try not to judges...
that might sound a bit crazy but pls try not to judges... I needed to go to a seminar for 2 and a half weeks but i canceled it in the last moment
The Unintentional Dating of a Married Woman
So, hereís my story: I am 43-year-old divorced man. I have been divorced for over 4 years, and I have been dating since shortly after my split
Why did he slow fade on me when I'm finally giving him what he seemed to always want?
So, I'm talking about the father of my kid. We have a complicated relationship. We met when i was going through a divorce many years ago and began
Girlfriend doesn't accept her brother's learning disability.
I'm a 27 year old guy living in London, my girlfriend is 27 and moved here from Italy a few years ago to find work. We've been together a couple of
Different standards
I have been married for 5 years now and I felt as though everything was going well, things took a downward spiral in terms of not being able to spend
Girlfriend having abortion and says she needs time to herself. What do I do?
Hello, this is my first post in this forum and I am struggling and need a lot of help. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, we are
Featured Threads
Moving in together with my almost one year boyfriend but one big issue
Dear All, I haven't been back here for a while now. I have decided to post here instead than in the "pets" section, because I didn't want to
Back from the holidays: waiting for him to contact me
I am back form my holidays. I went away three weeks. We had two great dates before I went away. During the holidays we texted a few times, the
Should I do it?
Maybe itís because Iím such a nostalgic person, Itís going to be a full year since our breakup las January. I still think about her every f*cking day
He chose his lodgers side so I broke up with him but still love him
I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year because 4 months ago he let a friend move into his house with him she asked him ,and in turn he asked
Feeling unsure after 4 years and before marriage
Me and my fiancť are together for 4 years now, both in our mid 30s, had an engagement not long ago. We live in [B]MY [/B] apartment. I feel
Broke up with gf
So back story 4 months into the relationship. She knows about while she hasn't met my friends she knows of them. I know not much about her past. I
Girlfriend having abortion and says she needs time to herself. What do I do?
Hello, this is my first post in this forum and I am struggling and need a lot of help. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, we are
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •