Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Friends with benefits - Advantages and Disadvantages

  1. #1
    OwnWorstEnemy
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    5
    Gender
    Female

    Friends with benefits - Advantages and Disadvantages



    Hi,

    So I recently ended things with someone whom I was seeing because I was developeing feelings for him knowing he did not want a relationship (he told me from the start). After breaking it off, he admitted he had feelings for me to but is 25 and a footballer so obviously, he wants to remain single and enjoy his life, as we all do. I'm 19 and I fell for him quite hard after dating him for 6 months but we have remained friends by texting etc (every day). I am the only girl he has had a reltionship with and he always tells me how much he cares and values me and it was his idea to be friends - I was going to cut him off alltogether.

    Anyway, It's been a while and I told him I'm over him and it was just a crush and no biggy. The conversation somehow got on to the topic of sex and he has asked me to be a FWB. I have never done this before and although it sounds great - Male company, sex, and still have freedom - Ive been told it can end badly.

    I do not have feelings for him anymore as I realise me and him would not be suitable as a couple but we are great friends and have so much laughs and are sexually attracted to each other. I've been told I can be very niave, so I would like to know from your personal experiences and advantages and disadvantages?
    Thanks

  2. #2
    DylanNotorious
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Nigeria
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,289
    Gender
    Male
    1. You only get to see him when it suits him.

    2. He ends up making all the rules.

    3. It's extremely hard to walk away from.

    4. You will have to put up with other girls being on the scene/him sleeping with others

    Sorry, couldn't think of any advantages.

  3. #3
    markie6
    Platinum Member markie6's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Somewhere Beyond The Sea
    Posts
    2,820
    Gender
    Male
    There are only advantages if you can remain emotionally unavailable as most are who participate in FWB ... sadly most seem to think it's a pathway to somebodies heart... and it very rarely is... it's a polite way of people using each other

  4. #4
    DylanNotorious
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Nigeria
    Age
    32
    Posts
    3,289
    Gender
    Male
    1. You can't complain when he does not text/call/email or facebook you.

    2. He uses your body for really his own sexual gratification, instead of respecting your body as a temple.

    3. Your friends will get sick and tired of you moaning about him.

    That's all for now, I'll think of more soon.

  5. #5
    OwnWorstEnemy
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    5
    Gender
    Female
    Thank you Dylan, I liked your replies, very honest and humerous and your probably right as I could see it going that way. I guess I would be settling for less even though it would be a short time thing.

  6. #6
    Bunney
    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,822
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    236
    DylanNotorious, those only apply if she had serious feelings for him and was hoping for a relationship (which ofc might end up being the case, but for now she said it isn't). So, no need to be that negative and pessimistic.

    Personally I'd say go for it. What've you got to lose? you can try and see how it goes, I mean life's short. With all the pessimism on this forum I sometimes wonder if these people ever have fun in their lives.

    Haha and please, "respecting her body as a temple". Sex is sex. Everytime it happens, the body IS used for "sexual gratification", no matter if male or female. Only difference is that it's without a commitment. He might very well still respect her, seeing as they've been friends for a while and he, as he says, values her a lot.

  7. #7
    MikNomis
    Platinum Member MikNomis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,906
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    10
    You'll be a booty call, are you okay with that?

  8. #8
    paradisa
    Silver Member paradisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Age
    32
    Posts
    327
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4
    I read the post you made a week ago, October 16. I don't think this is a good idea. There is a lot of drama already in this situation and even if you feel that you are over him right at this moment, that feeling may not last. I advise you move on and seek someone more worthy of your attention and affection. Good luck.

  9. #9
    Snny
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,692
    Thanked
    1507
    Quote Originally Posted by paradisa [Register to see the link]
    I read the post you made a week ago, October 16. I don't think this is a good idea. There is a lot of drama already in this situation and even if you feel that you are over him right at this moment, that feeling may not last. I advise you move on and seek someone more worthy of your attention and affection. Good luck.
    I want to piggy back on this.

    OP, you said back on that thread you were 20... here you say 19?

    Some important details mentioned from that previous thread that REALLY stand out:
    has had a lot of one night stands.
    He even made the agreement that we both wouldnt go elsewhere (sleeping with other people or dating)
    I questioned him on this last night and all I got was 'I know you deserve better than me, I'm always letting you down.'
    So he slept around... plans on doing so... and expects you to not date or sleep with other people? Sounds like he wants to keep you to himself and can justify sleeping with the next girl is "ok" because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Plus he has zero self confidence and pushes you away. Sounds like he plans to take you on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride.

    Yea... don't agree to the "friends with benefits" (the polite euphemisum for "Booty Call") with this one. He doesn't have a clue what he wants and neither do you. Plus he wants to suck you into his drama. And since you already had developed feelings for him before... and you think they're gone... they will come back. I guarantee it.

    Let him go.
    Last edited by Snny; 10-23-2012 at 05:40 PM.

  10.  

Top Threads
Can't let go of my husband's past and thinking of breaking up. Am I crazy?
Hello, I married my husband 1.5 years ago. I have two sons from my previous marriage. Both sons have good relationship with my new husband. I was
Boyfriend checking out of relationship?!
My boyfriend of over a year said that he feels like he's starting to check out of the relationship because my jealousy issues have been frustrating
Are Political Differences a Non Starter?
PLEASE be careful to talk about the question itself and not the politics-- I've never thought this a question until now... Can two people
Am I over-reacting?
My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and he has recently moved down to live with me. Recently, we seem to be drifting apart and I hate it. I
Boyfriend has a crush on another girl
So my boyfriend and I have been together a year and we're usually together about 99% of the time when we're not at work. Recently things have been a
Break up threats
So, I'm a little hesitant to post about this but I'm rather distressed and need some perspective on what the right way to move forward is. Been
Looking for an insight
Dating a girl a few weeks who got out a long relationship a few months ago At first her ex went no contact when he found out about me , they speak
Featured Threads
Boyfriend checking out of relationship?!
My boyfriend of over a year said that he feels like he's starting to check out of the relationship because my jealousy issues have been frustrating
Can't let go of my husband's past and thinking of breaking up. Am I crazy?
Hello, I married my husband 1.5 years ago. I have two sons from my previous marriage. Both sons have good relationship with my new husband. I was
Girlfriend got a tattoo I don't like, how to deal?
I've been dating this girl for over a year. About 2 months ago, she mentioned wanting a tattoo and showed me the design she wanted. Tattoos are an
Good thoughts /prayers for my mom she is surgery right now.
My mom is currently in surgery for total knee replacement.
Accidentally found out info about ex I wish I hadn't
I'll try to keep this brief. Ran into the ex on a kik group chat. She doesn't (at least I'm assuming) doesn't know I was in the same group with
My exgf of two relationships ago is about to get married...
and it hurts! The back story: we dated for the years and for what felt like the entire time, all she did was nag me about everything (one of them
I think I've made a huge mistake...
Hey everyone, This is my first post on this website but I need advice. My husband and I have been married a year and a half. In the beginning
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •