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Thread: How often should I be talking to my boyfriend?

  1. #1
    babybear
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    How often should I be talking to my boyfriend?

    I have been with my boyfriend for 3months. I am wondering how often we should be talking on the days where we don't see each other. He pretty much never texts me and never responds to my texts either but he will phone me pretty often. However, sometimes we can go one or two days without talking which I really don't like at all. But I feel like if I contact him during these times or tell him I would prefer it if we spoke everyday I would come accross as needy and clingy. I don't know if speaking everyday is something we should be doing (something I would prefer), or if at 3months going a couple of days without talking here and there is more appropriate. I sometimes struggle with insecurities and clingyness and really want to reign that in so I can have a healthy relationship and so therefore don't want to just follow through with my impulses.

    He basically says he doesn't like texting and prefers to talk but I feel quite hurt when he doesn't respond to my texts. I get abit shy to phone him up encase he is busy so i generally will never phone him but he will phone me most days.

  2. #2
    Batya33
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    I don't blame him for not liking to text -you can't tell tone, and it probably feels to him like he is being checked up on. When I was in an exclusive relationship for three months I liked to have contact every day by phone if we weren't going to see each other.

  3. #3
    DylanNotorious
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    Every relationship is different, and since he is making the effort to call you every three days I think that's still him making an effort.

    Maybe since you know he does not like texting, just don't text him. Then he might call you more often when he hasn't heard from you. That might work.

  4. #4
    FathomFear
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    So you're 1) upset that you don't talk every day, but 2) never call him. That combination will never work. If you want to talk to him every day, then call him. We all get satisfied by different levels of communication.

    Having said that I would try to step back and ask yourself why you want or need to talk every day. Do you actually have anything to talk about every day? If you just want a "Hey how are you?" chat every day, that could get annoying. I personally cannot stand vacuous chats of that nature which have no substance. I much prefer to chat with someone when there's actually something to chat about. But that's just me.

  5. #5
    banal
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    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear [Register to see the link]
    So you're 1) upset that you don't talk every day, but 2) never call him. That combination will never work. If you want to talk to him every day, then call him. We all get satisfied by different levels of communication.
    Lol, this type of contradiction pervades this board.

    "I want my boyfriend to show me more affection but I ignore him all of the time."

    "I want him to call me more but I don't call him."

  6. #6
    babybear
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    But I feel like I'm being clingy if I call him :-/

  7. #7
    DylanNotorious
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    Well why don't you start calling him, and if you get the feeling that the phone calls are unwelcome - then don't call him.

    Wait for his call.

    You already know the texting system isn't working. Try another system. But if you constantly feel there is no flow to this and your always feeling anxious, then something isn't right with this union.

  8. #8
    banal
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybear [Register to see the link]
    But I feel like I'm being clingy if I call him :-/
    This is insane. Rather than "feel clingy," you'll quietly deal with this problem, all the while building up resentment and getting angry at your boyfriend, never telling him what's wrong so that when you break up with him a month down the line he'll be blindsided. You want to have this totally on your terms, and relationships don't work that way. He's already told you that he doesn't like texting, so what's your response? You text him and get upset when he doesn't return your texts AFTER HE HAS TOLD YOU HE DOESN'T LIKE TEXTING. You want to talk on the phone more, but you refuse to call him. I mean, this is nuts.

  9. #9
    Batya33
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    I think you're afraid of him acting distant when you call -I get it, that's a very vulnerable feeling. But hiding behind a texting screen is the easy way out.

  10. #10
    italiannmf24
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    Stop overanalyzing.

    Enjoy the relationship as is.

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