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Thread: Can we change?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    Can we change?

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year and a half. When we first started dating everything was great, he took me everywhere; to the movies, beach, nice restaurants and etc. One day he wanted to take me to the movies to see a movie that he has been wanting to see for a very long time. I wasnt that interested in seeing the movie but I wanted to go because I loved hanging out with him. That night we got into an argument because he wanted me to eat before we went to the movies. He called me all kinds of names and then told me he didnt love me anymore. He then later apologized and we made up. The next argument we got into was even more explosive! I was at his house to pick up my stuff because he decided to break up with me for whatever reason. He was talking about my brother who I am really close to and look up to. I lost control and started hitting him and choking him. I felt horrible and immediately apologized. For a couple weeks we got along great. But after those 2 weeks the fights continued like clockwork, he would call me any name he could to hurt me. He called me a * * * * once and I slapped him accross the face. We were fighting almost all the time! WE got in another fight when his mom was out of town and he slapped my hand, I didnt think much of it because it was my hand and there was no harm to me. He felt horrible and said it was never going to happen again. I believed him because it seemed completely harmless. One night he stayed at my house when my parents were out of town and we were arguing like cats and dogs until 4 in the morning and he said something about my mother and our relationship, it infuriated me so I slapped him accross the face. I slapped him so hard that he lost hearing in his ear. After that night I never put my hands on him again because I felt horrible. I still cant believe that I did such a thing to a person that I claimed that I love. The fights never ended after that night but it wasnt physical. One night he took me to the orange groves by his house to hangout, he got pretty angry in the middle of a heated argument (I was driving while all of this was happening) he started throwing punches at my seat and I was getting so scared so I asked him to get out of my car, he didnt get out so I told him to take my car and I would have my sister come pick me up. He was so enraged by this. He started dragging me to my car forcing me to get in and I wouldnt. He started slapping and punching me in my face and bit me on my arm. I got in the car scared out of my mind. I went home that night and told my sister what happened. She told me to keep my distance and everything will be ok. So the next day I went out with friends I drank a little bit and called him while intoxicated. He turned his phone off that night and called me the next morning. We argued for a couple hours and then once again made up. After that night he hit me 2 more times not including this last time that he hit me. We were arguing about something not even remotely important. He did the usual, name calling and losing his temper. My feelings were hurt because we talked about the name calling so I called him lazy because that is one thing he hates to be called. He grabbed me by neck and then immediately moved his hand because he realized what he was doing. I tried to leave because I didnt want to be abused. He grabbed me forcing me to stay and slammed me on the ground. He even hid my keys from me so that I couldnt leave. I got my keys back from him and then we ONCE AGAIN made up. The next day I realized that this relationship wasnt going to work and broke it off. My question is... Can either of us change? Is there any hope for this relationship even with counseling and therapy? I dont want to be in this relationship if nothing can or will change. So how do I move forward with or without this relationship?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    of course you can change!!

    this might sound trivial...but the fact that you're aware of your behaviour (both of you) is of huge importance. awareness is always the first step towards altering an undesirable pattern of behaviour. rejoice in that. let it guide you.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    When there is hitting and slapping and choking etc, it is time to leave. Both of you need to find out why you are so aggressive or you will be destined to do it in another relationship.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member TN-Walker's Avatar
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    This is a very toxic relationship and the best thing you both could do is to end it now before someone gets severely injured or worse. Afterwards, I would suggest that you both get some therapy to find out why you can't have a simple argument without getting violent because this behavior is not acceptable on any level - ever.

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