Why do girls HATE awkward guys so much?

I've made a few topics on being socially awkward, but never on why women hate these kinds of guys so much. I swear it's like they think I have AIDS or something. Is it because they think their offspring would end up awkward? Are they worried their female friends will disapprove of an awkward guy?

Awkward guys make them feel uncomfortable. Look up the definition of awkward, and see if you can figure out why someone might not want to constantly feel like that or be with someone that puts them in a situation that makes them feel that way.

Give a couple examples of your awkwardness please.

my boyfriend is by mosts standards awkward, he has aspergers and has an unusual sense of humor that most don't get, he can say very insensitive things sometimes because he lacks the skill to tell little white lies, so he can be very blunt and he has trouble looking people in the eye at first because of past trauma's...yet i fell hard for him and love him to death....so not all girls hate it....

my boyfriend is by mosts standards awkward, he has aspergers and has an unusual sense of humor that most don't get, he can say very insensitive things sometimes because he lacks the skill to tell little white lies, so he can be very blunt and he has trouble looking people in the eye at first because of past trauma's...yet i fell hard for him and love him to death....so not all girls hate it....

well, what was his big secret to being awkward and still getting a girlfriend? lol

Give a couple examples of your awkwardness please.

It's really hard to explain. One thing I've noticed is that when I say something the meaning I have in my head doesn't come accross to the person I am saying it to, so I suppose I can be inarticulate.

well, what was his big secret to being awkward and still getting a girlfriend? lol

being very sweet to me always, start small conversations, interested in what i said and remembering everything i told him and at first constantly looking at me LOL and i already liked him based on his looks but that's when i first thought he might be interested too, but still took a long time to actually get together, we were friends first for a long time and it grew and it helped that i understand him and want to learn more about aspergers and he understands me and my insecurities...everyone thought he was just plain strange when he is the sweetest guy if you get to know him and it hurts me if people call him strange....but as we say around here he came into the world with a manual but the manual got lost along the way LOL

Seriously, you're actually wondering this? Awkwardness makes other people feel just that...awkward. In that way it is contagious because being around awkward people makes the setting uncomfortable and uneasy. Awkwardness also implies a person who has little or no social skills.

Women dont like to feel uneasy, this shouldn't be hard to understand, it has nothing to do with our potential offspring (I dont thing awkwardness can even be hereditary) nor is it about what our friends think.

How awkward are you though? A little awkwardness and shyness is endearing (and I cant judge too much since I'm shy myself) but if you're doing things that are socially unacceptable or are super shy then that would pose a problem. Also, try asking yourself how would you feel around an awkward woman, that might give you an answer to your question too.

I don't like awkward guys. My little brother has Asperger's and HE can be a little awkward but actually, I don't mind that. I'm very used to Asperger's and I have no problem being around or even dating guys who have it because, well, it's what I grew up with, with my brother and all.

However, the "other" awkwardness....just ugh. I hate the weird pauses in conversation, the constant apologizing, the weird looks. Fortunately, I'm pretty comforting to people so MOST people aren't awkward around me. When a guy is, then I just move on. Not worth my time. I go with the people who are not awkward from the get-go.

Because it makes people feel uncomfortable. Also, being awkward makes you appear less intelligent than you probably are. You don't need to be smooth as creamy peanut butter, just don't be weird.

''just don't be weird''? What?

I think what the OP is referring to is basically social anxiety. This is extremely difficult to change in those suffering from it (I'm one of them). It's not as if it's a choice. It's usually the result of low self esteem, brought on by traumatizing events and experiences.

Some of you talk as if guys who are socially awkward ( though perhaps love shyness applies better here) are potential serial killers or something. There's nothing weird or sinister about having poor social skills.

I thought i would chip in on this topic because it's very applicable to me personally and people I know. I know I'm "awkrard" or what could be considered it, and apparently I don't follow social rules or norms... i say apparently, because in my mind the things i do make sense, it's all I know how to do. Yes, i'm weird, Im different, but im different because i just kinda do what I feel, I basically act the same around everyone. Ive had friends or even dated people that Id rather spend time with alone because alone, theyre really cool and just talk casually and it's great but it seems like in group settings they suddenly start doing things they wouldn't normally do around just me. Its like they're seeking everyone's approval (and they know they have mine already) so they start being extra loud and talkative and laughing at things they normally wouldn't find funny and i just cant do that, so i end up looking like a social outcast because I can't just put on a happy face and be a goof ball around a group of people unless thats genuinely how Im feeling and that's why it's so hard to meet anyone, because they read that as me not wanting to talk or me not knowing "the rules" and just back off.

I have a female friend who only seems to go for a certain type of guy. She'll be friends with almost anyone and talk to them about anything but she'll only be attracted to a certain type of guy who's very outspoken and loud in some way, and she doesn't even know why because she usually gets annoyed by that type of guy, yet she dates them. So recently, she made a point to seek an "awkward" type of guy because i told her she might have better luck. She met a really nice guy and admitted it's nice and thought it was cool that he thought of her and didn't put her through the crap the other guys did and yet she still didn't date him because she wasn't "feeling it" so now she's back to chasing a guy who's, by all accounts, a "tool".

The point is, I completely understand what it's like to be on the "awkward" side of the fence and I have had a couple girlfriends, but for the most part, I'm just viewed as a "friend" and it takes a long time for the awkwardness between me and someone else to fade, and by then they only see me as a friend, which sucks. I can completely relate to what the last poster said that it's not a choice, it's just how some people are, with social anxiety or whatever. I just don't know how to act in some situations. I feel like everyone else learned something I didn't about how to socialize and when i try to copy them and initiate the same principles, i end up looking even more stupid, so i'm better off just being my weird self.

Just remember, you want someone to love you for who you are. If they feel awkward around you, or vice versa, you don't have to change anything, you just have to find someone you have a connection with and it can happen.

''just don't be weird''? What?

 

I think what the OP is referring to is basically social anxiety. This is extremely difficult to change in those suffering from it (I'm one of them). It's not as if it's a choice. It's usually the result of low self esteem, brought on by traumatizing events and experiences.

 

Some of you talk as if guys who are socially awkward ( though perhaps love shyness applies better here) are potential serial killers or something. There's nothing weird or sinister about having poor social skills.

If someone is suffering from social anxiety, then its better to seek professional help rather than look for answers on an internet forum. Social anxiety...anxiety in general, is a psychological issue, not really a dating issue (though it can affect it) Does OP have male friends though? or female friends whom he is not attracted to? If he feels ok around them, then maybe its just nervousness around women he's attracted to which is pretty normal and common.

I'd assume most people know that people with poor social skills are harmless, and no one said anything alluding to it being sinister. Pretty much everyone said they feel uncomfortable around awkward people...it makes sense does it not?

maybe society tells us that they are to be feared because of a couple serial killers had similar symptoms, but I think its antisocial personality disorder that has people more scared as that is what serial killers are usually described as having.

I used to say socially unacceptable things and behaved awkwardly in the past, it was simply a matter of growing out of it and maturing. But if its something deeper like social anxiety, therapy will help you get over it. If therapy isn't an option, there's always more you can learn about it on the internet (but credible sites)

I am not antisocial at all. I have lots of male and female friends and I really enjoy going out. I'm rarely in my apartment.

Women being scared off by that may actually be a survival skill.

In the past, success and safety came from force. For lack of a better term, that was the commerce of life--you expended force and got what you wanted in return. Now, however, success and safety come from very advanced social skills, including networking. Awkwardness is the kiss of death, in that area. Interacting with other human beings in a variety of environments (business, political, religious, social) has replaced force as the thing you have to be able to do to get what you want in life, so of course women are going to be scared off by people who don't have this incredibly necessary skill. They've been better at it than us all along; they can tell when you're not up to par.

I think that everyone is going to have their quirks but I think that you have to be able to make fun of yourself and be able to go with the flow as far as your personal awkwardness is concerned.

I've made a few topics on being socially awkward, but never on why women hate these kinds of guys so much. I swear it's like they think I have AIDS or something. Is it because they think their offspring would end up awkward? Are they worried their female friends will disapprove of an awkward guy?

Not sure I see this as a male/female thing. Or do you believe that straight guys are more likely to hook up with an "awkward" woman than vice versa?

I am not antisocial at all. I have lots of male and female friends and I really enjoy going out. I'm rarely in my apartment.

seems more like a case of nerves rather than social anxiety then. The fact that you have friends of both genders and enjoy going out says this (although I'm no psych) I cant help much with nerves since I get that way with guys I'm attracted too as well, but I know for me the nerves stem from me not feeling confident or good enough for said guy. So maybe its a confidence thing you need to work on?

btw, when I mentioned antisocial, I didn't mean antisocial as in not liking to socialize and being introverted, Antisocial Personality Disorder is when people have no conscience, lack empathy, disregard for laws and rules, no concept of right and wrong, manipulative, etc.. completely different story.

Just don't be awkward. Women aren't any different than us. The only thing that separates us is the testosterone/estrogen and our obvious physical attributes. It's no different than talking to a couple of you guy friends. You just have to see them as that. Not a guy lol, but as another human being.

Women being scared off by that may actually be a survival skill.

 

In the past, success and safety came from force. For lack of a better term, that was the commerce of life--you expended force and got what you wanted in return. Now, however, success and safety come from very advanced social skills, including networking. Awkwardness is the kiss of death, in that area. Interacting with other human beings in a variety of environments (business, political, religious, social) has replaced force as the thing you have to be able to do to get what you want in life, so of course women are going to be scared off by people who don't have this incredibly necessary skill. They've been better at it than us all along; they can tell when you're not up to par.

This is on the money. As one can see here, girls will usually revert to the explanation of because it makes them feel awkward, which is really a non explanation. So what if it makes you feel awkward. Does one not usually feel a little more awkward when you are around someone you are attracted to? The truth is that this is a sort of social selection process that females are hard wired to go through and back in the good ol caveman days where you only had a handful of potential mates in the appropriate age group and health from the local "clan" if you were marked off by one woman as socially off bounds for whatever reason, it was game over for your genetic line. The truth is you were much more likely to pass on your genes if you had good "social skills" for so many reasons, to convince others to help you, protect you, feed you, ally with you, not bash your head in with a rock etc. Nowadays, while good social skills are certainly very useful, they are not by any stretch of the imagination necessary to survive because society makes do for all kinds of variances in human behavior and life such as this. However, human instincts are pretty crude and most of the way we assess romantic potential on first encounters is meaningless to the actual value of a person in current society. So if you think too deeply about it, the rejection of people due to their awkwardness does come off as particularly meaningless and absurd, but the simple explanation is that the stakes for social skills used to be much much higher. So an awkward guy may be the most adventurous, kind, perfect fit dude for that girl in the world but while sometimes our instincts tell us great amounts of information in snap judgments, the nature of behavioral evolution makes for strange enigmas such as this when adapting to a given environment. No doubt, the science of all of this is insanely complex and difficult if not impossible to prove, but it is still all very logical.

They hate awkward guy because they're...awkward. That's not a positive trait to have, which makes it a negative thing. So naturally, people don't like negative things.

Just don't be awkward. Women aren't any different than us. The only thing that separates us is the testosterone/estrogen and our obvious physical attributes. It's no different than talking to a couple of you guy friends. You just have to see them as that. Not a guy lol, but as another human being.

I agree with this.

I treat both males and females the same. Friends that is, I am much more "cuddly" with my bf. But you need to get into the mindset that males and females aren't two different species. Treat everyone the same and you'll be more consistent and relaxed.

I for the most part am very comfortable talking to guys normally because I do this. I don't see them as any different from me except they have a penis, testosterone, stuff like that.

if your looking for how to not be afraid of approaching women and stuff, look into the book "Mode One" it's awsome and will not make you ackward at all, I don't think that you are anackward person, perhaps just a lack of confidence around women. I used to be that way, and girls looked at me like I had gonasiphaherpalaids lol but ya, that book will help you learn to not be ackward and get you laid... majorly...

I think awkwardness to a certain degree is okay, as long as it's funny and calms down the tension in things. There's nothing wrong in being weird.

Awkwardness vs. smoothness. Way too much emphasis is placed on both and the fact is that neither tells you anything about who a person really is. There are serial killers like Jeff Dahmer who most definitely came accross to people as being socially awkward, and there are serial killers like Ted Bundy or Charles Manson who aren't awkward in the least and have charming mesmerizing personalities that draw people to them.

It's easier to avoid relationships with awkward people because you have to do some work and show some tolerance / acceptance in the relationship, but you're really missing out on meeting some potentially wonderful people. A charming person requires no work on your part, you just sit back, relax, and let them entertain you.

My experience on this is that awkwardness can create a lack of trust on a subconscious level. My guy is a bit awkward and he looks shifty when he's awkward and although I sometimes find it funny and feel for him, I can't say it inspires the right trust in me. In many cases awkardness comes from self absorbtion which again is not considered an attractive trait. The solution is very simple and it's to relax, show interest in others and not think too much in how you come accross.