hers Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I jsut read in a thread that "most women are rather incompetent at giving good blow jobs." Ok, that's fine to say I suppose. But it got me thinking. I've been giving BJs for years. I've always heard that I'm amazing at it. I dont do anything in particular, as every guy seems to like a different technique. Mostly I listen to the sounds they make to help me determine what I'm doing correctly, and I stick with that. Also, if I am giving a blow job as a precursor to sex, I don't do anything at all to help them get off, as usually that means I won't get mine. So when I'm doing that, I tease it, stroke it, lick it, bob up and down on it with my mouth, etc. Things to make them enjoy it but not get off on it. So what would be "evidence" of a woman who is competent at giving a good BJ? I'm just curious, as so far my boyfriend seems to think I'm rather good at it, though usually my BJs to him are before or during or after sex and therefore it doesn't really get to the point of release (note to self: give boyfriend more random BJs). Link to comment
epicproportion Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 The evidence is essentially that the guy continues to request them, just like anything else in life if something is not enjoyed then you are not going to want it. The thing I always have enjoyed about fellatio in the past were a partner who actually asked how I wanted it to be done and actually did those things. Many women think that all penises are the same and that whatever worked for the last one to come along will work for everyone she encounters in her life. Also guys sometimes enjoy blow jobs as something other than foreplay. It's nice to sometimes be surprised with oral for no apparent reason. I also enjoy giving oral to my partner randomly so I think that adding a little surprise to the relationship definitely adds to the excitement. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I jsut read in a thread that "most women are rather incompetent at giving good blow jobs." Ok, that's fine to say I suppose. But it got me thinking. ... So what would be "evidence" of a woman who is competent at giving a good BJ? I'm just curious, as so far my boyfriend seems to think I'm rather good at it, though usually my BJs to him are before or during or after sex and therefore it doesn't really get to the point of release (note to self: give boyfriend more random BJs). I think if you ask "Would you like a BJ" and he says "Yes I would!" that's all the evidence you need. Likewise, if he asks for one. Who would ask for something that they don't enjoy? IMO, the perceived 'skill' of any sexual act is not only what you do and how you do it, but also the connection you have to the recipient, and your desire to give them pleasure, and get pleasure yourself from the giving. Your enthusiasm is an integral part of the perceived 'skill'. Often a persons dissatisfaction with their sexual experiences has nothing to do with the person they are engaging with, and everything to do with their own determination to be and remain dissatisfied with life. Either that, or they, their partner, or both parties are actually disinterested in the whole thing, and are just going through the motions, 'cause there's nothing better to do... Link to comment
jengh Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 hmm, I've always wondered that too... like, if you're rotten at it, he's not going to say so because he knows damn well you'd never do it again! Link to comment
hers Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 hmm, I've always wondered that too... like, if you're rotten at it, he's not going to say so because he knows damn well you'd never do it again! right...i'd suspect that guys woudl be happy even with a mediocre BJ over nothing...i may know nothing about guys. Link to comment
epicproportion Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Trust me on this if she is terrible at giving head there will be one of two courses of action taken. 1. Try and "train" her to do the things that you enjoy. 2. No longer ask for or accept head from her. Believe me when I say no b.j. is better than teeth marks on your wang. Link to comment
hers Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 but a bad BJ doesn't always equal teeth, does it? what makes a bad BJ? Link to comment
Red Fox Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Perhaps I am not that usual, but they don't do much for me, I'm not particularly interested in them. Saying that as long as you are not rough I don't think you can do them badly. So I guess if I am anything to go by even if he doesn't seem that keen on it it does not follow that the technique is necessarily bad. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 a man that has had his share of BJ's can always tell if the person is enjoying it or doing just to please the person. If shes not going to enjoy it, than dont bother cause it wont do anything for me. Now when a girl gets really into it almost to the point where your screwing them (making soounds, humping movements, etc.) Than thats a good BJ. Im lucky enough to be with a woman that is amazing at it but i have had my share of crappy ones aswell in the past. Women; get into it, use plenty of tongue movements, stroke it while sucking it, keep it well lubed, do a mixture of fast and slow movements, making moaning or humming sounds, fondle the balls gently, some guys like when you tickle the bung hole and most importantly, use those lips - DO NOT TEETH IT!!! a bad BJ in my opinion = teething it, not using any lip or tongue movements, just doing plain up and down movements with no tongue, not wet enough, going too fast or too slow to even enjoy it. I hate when a woman trys to act like a pro and be all sensual and gentle. It turns out to be boring! Sometimes we want it a bit rough showing your into it. Dont hurt or jerk it around but act like you own that DI**. Take charge! I love how my girl slaps or grasps my buttocks while getting real into it! The best way to finish is when a woman swallows!! Link to comment
hers Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 well i definitely love them. my boyfriend can attest to my enthusiasm for them (i think). Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I've always gone off the effect it's having. When the guy is beyond sense or speech for 10 minutes afterwards, I consider it a success. (Pardon the pun.) Link to comment
epicproportion Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 O.K. Bad BJ Checklist 1. Too dry, moisture is very important. A dry BJ is a bad one. Some guys prefer just a little moisture and some like it sloppy wet the point is DRY IS NEVER GOOD!!! 2. Teeth are a BJs worst enemy. Never drag your teeth on a mans member. You will get a reaction and noises out of him but they are not going to sounds of pleasure. 3. Use your hands. Just because it is oral sex does not mean you can not get your hands into it. Don't just use them on the penis either. Explore your partners body touch his thighs, rub his stomach, as with all sexual acts physical contact boosts the experience. 4. Ejaculation. Let the guy know ahead of time where are the acceptable/preferred place of completion is. Alot of the time a guy will hold back on finishing if he doesn't know where he can finish without getting in "trouble". 5. Communication. If a guy says he does not like a particular thing done to him trust him on that. You may think "Well guy X enjoyed this so guy Y will also". WRONG. Trust that the guy you are with knows what he likes. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 ^ Agreed. And also.... Don't neglect the balls! And Use your tongue. A lot. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I'm pretty sure that the girls who are "bad" at it either: 1) Don't have much experience giving BJs. 2) Don't enjoy giving BJs. I know when I first started, I was horrible lol It took a few months to actually perfect it. Luckily it was all with the same guy, & he was able to guide me & help me improve. After we broke up, we remained friends, & one day he joked, "I regret teaching you how to give head." I asked why, & he replied, "Cuz I didn't ever think that one day we'd break up and you'd make another guy feel that way" loll I think not having experience & not enjoying doing it go hand in hand. If you don't have much experience, you're thinking & worrying too much about what he's thinking, what he's feeling, if you're doing it right, etc., so you're not really able to enjoy it. Also, if you don't enjoy giving head & don't care to improve, you're not gonna gain much experience. No matter how "selfish" or "one-way" a BJ may seem, it shouldn't be that way. You shouldn't have to perform oral on your partner if you don't really like doing it. Even as a girl, I've had 2 guys perform oral on me. The first was my ex (who I learned all that with). He was amazing at it. He would put everything he had into it lol & I absolutely loved every second of it. My mind would blank out & it would drive me crazy. The second guy I was dating for a couple of months. We started to get intimate, & he never really mentioned whether he liked oral or not. I hadn't giving him a BJ yet, but during foreplay, he decided he wanted to do it to me. It was the most awkward experience of my life lol He very hesitantly approached it like it was gonna suck him in or something, & he would carefully bring his tongue closer, like a kid would react if he was eating something spicy lol It made me feel really weird & insecure (for the first time), even though I knew I was completely clean down there & all, so I stopped the whole thing. Later on, he admitted that it was his first time. As sad as it sounds, our intimacy stopped there. I would have been understanding about it if he had told me that it's his first time. I wouldn't have expected much, & if anything, I would have tried to guide him through it; however, he decided to pretend like he knew what he was doing, & he made me feel really insecure about my body by acting that way. So, ya. I know I blabbed off, but bottom line: You have to enjoy it & be willing to learn & improve. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I think it's pretty easy to tell if a woman is enjoying giving head or not. I for one would make her stop if I got the vibe she wasn't enjoying it, because that's not what having sex is about to me. Both should be enjoying every second of it. The men that expect you to carry on when you're obviously not enjoying it are the ones that are assholes, in which case....yeah...use a bit of teeth. Link to comment
mr.mac Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 4. Ejaculation. Let the guy know ahead of time where are the acceptable/preferred place of completion is. Alot of the time a guy will hold back on finishing if he doesn't know where he can finish without getting in "trouble". AMEN to this!!! Link to comment
Catdancer Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Also, some positions are awkward and make it harder to keep the teeth away. For me to lie accross a bed and have the guy standing in front of me is ok, but during a 3some with 2 men, this didnt work well, as I was on my back and one guy was giving me oral as I gave another oral, and the side angle was horrible and I kept hitting my teeth on him. I have found that if he is standing with me on my knees in front of him, this is a great position. Or with me sitting and him standing in front of me. I love this one. Also, I have a hard time doing 69. IF only for foreplay it's great, but to actually get each other off, I cant seem to do it. Either I get to into him giving me oral and I dont give him great oral, or I try to ignore what he's doing so that I can give him great oral...it all just stinks unless we are simply using it for foreplay. Anyone else run into this? Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 The problem is that there is no incentive for a guy to tell a girl that she is incompetent at giving bjs, because that means that he would rather get a mediocre bj as opposed to nothing. Of course there are some men that will make such statements but I do not think that they are in the majority. I have heard women categorically state how good they are or the responses that they have gotten from men. I wont put a percentage on how many women are incompetent at bjs but I would say its pretty high. In my experience the problem seems to be that certain women dont seem to want to go the extra mile, because it is about doing the little things that the guy likes such as deep throating, playing with the balls, using excess saliva or doing whatever else the guy is into. I honestly believe that if you got a group of guys together that most of their gfs' bjs would not make the highlight reel. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Ditto. I like the idea of 69 more than 69 lol. I've only tried it with my ex, & only reason he loved it is because he "loved having my a** in his face while I was going down on him". It turned me on to know he's enjoying it, but just like you mentioned, it would distract me to the point where I wouldn't perform my best. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Ditto. I like the idea of 69 more than 69 lol. I've only tried it with my ex, & only reason he loved it is because he "loved having my a** in his face while I was going down on him". It turned me on to know he's enjoying it, but just like you mentioned, it would distract me to the point where I wouldn't perform my best. At least I'm not alone in this! I hear alot of people saying how great 69 is, and I'm like...hmmm...maybe I'm not doing it right?? Link to comment
mr.mac Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Also, I have a hard time doing 69. IF only for foreplay it's great, but to actually get each other off, I cant seem to do it. Either I get to into him giving me oral and I dont give him great oral, or I try to ignore what he's doing so that I can give him great oral...it all just stinks unless we are simply using it for foreplay. Anyone else run into this? Definitely! I'm always too focused on what I'm doing. Link to comment
hers Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 I really like when my boyfriend "has sex" with my face. I'm lying down and he's kneeling above me effing my face. But it doesn't always feel that great for him b/c sometimes my teeth his thing. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 In my experience the problem seems to be that certain women dont seem to want to go the extra mile, because it is about doing the little things that the guy likes such as deep throating, playing with the balls, using excess saliva or doing whatever else the guy is into. I agree. The reason I was so determined to learn how to deepthroat was because my ex mentioned how nobody in his past was able to do it, & I took it as a challenge. I had to be his first something lol Link to comment
Catdancer Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Definitely! I'm always too focused on what I'm doing. Glad it's not just a girl thing! lol I was getting a little paranoid! lol I get really focused too, then he'll get in the groove and I'm really really enjoying what's he's doing, so I quit what I'm doing to him. Just doesnt work really well. Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 At least I'm not alone in this! I hear alot of people saying how great 69 is, and I'm like...hmmm...maybe I'm not doing it right?? Definitely can be uncomfortable. You have to hold yourself up with one hand, so you can't really use your hands for the BJ. You're too busy enjoying what he's doing & moaning, so you're not really performing much lol When you are performing, he stops, which makes you want more. Too confusing for me! Link to comment
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