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Thread: Why is he angry and upset? He broke up with me!!!

  1. #1
    kt_belle
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    Why is he angry and upset? He broke up with me!!!

    Long story short, ex & i dated 2 years, broke up 2 weeks ago and were living together at the time. He went away on a holiday shortly after breakup and while he was gone i moved most of my stuff out of the house (except kitchen stuff).

    I went into NC for about 5 days but unfortunately had to break since we are breaking our rental lease so we have a few things related to that to work.

    I was heartbroken as he said that he didnt want to be with me now (maybe we could try in the future when we've worked through our issues -- his words) and have started to heal slightly.

    But now i am VERY confused. Since he has gotten back he has been sad & angry, not sleeping and being very rude to me. He blocked me on facebook even though i wasn't talking to him, is getting angry and rude towards me about really small things (like trying to organise to get everything moved out of our house).

    When i asked him why he was doing this his reply was "no i'm not angry" [which he clearly was] and "how was i supposed to feel, i've only had 4 hrs sleep since getting back since i can't sleep in this house" [it's the house we got together and he can't sleep properley because i'm not there]

    Why do i feel bad now?? He dumped me!! He didn't want me!! I finally started to feel better and now i feel like i'm the dumper....

  2. #2
    WomanWriter
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    Sounds like your ex is a blamer. They can do real damage, I am learning the hard way.

    I, too, was confused when my ex seemed angry and bitter towards me (and BLOCKED me on FB too!) when HE was the one who dumped me. During the actual break-up, he cried and said he couldn't marry me because he wasn't grown up enough (needed a career, etc.) but then when I last saw him, he was cold and withdrawn like I was somehow the cause of his upset. It really set me back because all I keep thinking is, "Why is he being so cold to me? What did I do wrong towards him? I loved him. He was the one who couldn't handle it and left..." Everything that I thought I did (was depressed because I was laid off), I apologized for and told him I understood if he was hurting on behalf of my lay off depression. But in hindsight, why should I apologize for depression? I got laid off. He was also depressed, but I didn't blame him or leave him for it.

    Kt, I think this emotional pain runs deep. You are internalizing this guy's problems. But it's so unhealthy. I do the same thing. I am co-dependent. Is it possible that you are co-dependent too? I have joined a CODA (Codependents Anonymous) group and it is not really helping, but better than nothing.

    I am a bit confused--are you still living with him? Or visiting? I think you should get away from him and stay away. It is easy to blame you for his upset when you are right there. If he's upsrt for you being away, that's his own problem.

  3. #3
    kt_belle
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    No i'm not living with him anymore. After he decided that this was definitely what he wanted i realized the best thing was just to get out of there. We haven't physically seen each other since the split, just had a phone call here and there & text messages related to organisational things for the house.

    Its confusing hey. He was soo upset when we broke up and things were fine and now its like a complete flip. I'm getting counselling at the moment and working through my problems so this kinda threw me a bit..

    I just don't know what to do because i dont want to make a mistake and drive him away (i still do want to be with him)...

  4. #4
    milkandhoney
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    i think a lot of guys don't know how to properly communicate their emotions and it comes out as anger.

  5. #5
    NowandZen
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    Two words: Dumper's remorse. It's like buyer's remorse.

  6. #6
    WomanWriter
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    To be honest, it does sound like you're codependent. You want to be with him, but he's being a jerk towards you. The best thing would be no contact from this point out. Why should you feel guilty for anything when he's the one who dumped you? Now he's acting like it's YOUR fault?!

    Girl, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I just see in your situation what I can't apply to myself. The thing is, you don't want to drive him away, but you will anyway, that's the thing. He already chose to dump you, so you have no choice but to be away.

    Him acting all angry and upset towards you when he was the one who dumped you is putting the blame all on you. Why settle for that? Do you deserve that?

    I know you might think that deep-down you do. I often feel the same way, but that's low self-esteem talking.

    No one deserves to blamed and treated with disrespect for things they don't even know about or can't control. Sounds like you don't even know what you've done and he refuses to communicate about it. Do you want someone to not communicate openly with you yet hold a grudge about it?

    It may take some time, but I think you will eventually get tired of his mood swings and immaturity and eventually realize you deserve better than this.

    Until then, I think it's best for you not to put up with him. When he starts this junk, just get off the phone. don't talk to him.

  7. #7
    milkandhoney
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    also, sometimes it's just easier for some people to feel angry instead of sad.

  8. #8
    barrakuda
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    Quote Originally Posted by milkandhoney [Register to see the link]
    i think a lot of guys don't know how to properly communicate their emotions and it comes out as anger.
    I dont think is only guys who act like this. My exgirfriend also blocked me few months after the break even after I had not talked to her at all. we where not even facebook friends anymore. I guess they need a reason to feel like they did the right decision so they convince themselves that they should be angry.

  9. #9
    Theblueman123

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    Quote Originally Posted by barrakuda [Register to see the link]
    I dont think is only guys who act like this. My exgirfriend also blocked me few months after the break even after I had not talked to her at all. we where not even facebook friends anymore. I guess they need a reason to feel like they did the right decision so they convince themselves that they should be angry.
    Both sexes do it, my ex dumped me (after cheating on me) and said some of meanest and nastiest things trying to turn me into some sort of monster. I guess it's because they lack proper justification for breaking up, so in order to make themselves feel good they destroy you. What a horribly cruel thing to do...

  10. #10
    kt_belle
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    yeah he seems to be pretty upset mainly about the fact that i dont live there anymore and have moved out so quickly and that i am going out and doing things.

    I was a mess for the first two weeks and after reading heaps on this forum and seeking help i finally feel better again. I feel ok'ish because i have realised that my life is going to go on without him and that i'll be fine.

    Its just hard when you still love someone and they are saying things like "i never wanted to break up with you, i thought it was best before things got worse".

    It just seems odd because he keeps coming back to that point and how its hard on him, but if he feels that way then why not talk to me? Give it another try? Like i dont 'need' him back but obviously i still love him and miss him.

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