Was he too young?

I'm 36 and he is 22. I loved him, I really did.

he still lives at home with his mom and I have my own place... I'm a universtiy grad and he is in adult high.

he left cause the relationship got "too serious" and he was really scared. he needed to experience other relationships and focus on bettering himself (he works a lot and is back in adult high, which he hasn't always been serious and consistent about... would rather make money than focus on school - also it's difficult for him cause of dislexia).

do you think ultimatelly he was just too young for me and also given our differerences in life experience (i was his first gf, but i myself had had a couple of year long relationships... differences in levels of education...)...

I really miss him, we want to stay friends and I still hope we can be together later. I tried to keep LC but he didn't reply to my 2 last emails , tho he insisted on staying friends. I didn't make it easy for him mind you with all my crying... should I hope or have we become strangers????

Baby in my opinion age is nothing but a number. It is how you feel in your heart. I am 26 my fiance was 36. A whole ten year difference but he had the biggest heart. We were soulmates he died two days before we were suppose to get married and it is destroying me. I thnk as long as you give him time he will come around again. Just give him time to clear his head.

Perhaps you were or maybe there were other reasons, seems like the timing was just bad. I do hope you two can remains friends and that through this friendship he will come back to you as a lover.

I think this would be more possible as a long term relationship if he had been 30 when you met and you 44. He would really know who he was and what he wanted at 30, and might be ready to settle down with one woman, and if he didn't want kids, accept you as a partner.

But he's only 22, and my first thought is that he should be dating a lot of people, enjoying his singleness, finding out who he is, going to school, partying with his friends... all those things young people do, rather than settling down with you (or anybody).

You have a life stage gap at this particular age with him, where you are of the age to be settled with children, and he is of the age to be discovering himself.

If it were me, i would let him go. Even if you talked him into seeing you again, i think he'd sit up in a few years and say to himself, i'm tied down with a middle aged woman and i don't even know who i am. Then you'd be in your 40s and left alone again.

Better to spend your time now find a more appropriate partner for yourself, someone in the range of 30-45, who is in the same life stage as yourself. It is not impossible for a 15 year age gap to work, but it works better if you are both older, and in a similar life stage.

1Morechance, I think you feel I gave you a hard time when you first joined. I'm still going to be blunt, but I'll try to soften up a little... plus I think you've become much stronger and I'm really proud of you for that.

Like I said, you've gotten stronger. Now, since your breakup, you have the chance to sit back and figure out what you want.

-Do you want to be worrying ten years from now, whether your husband didn't get all of his rocks off and if he's going to cheat on you?

-Do you want kids? You're 36 and he's not ready to have kids

-Does he want kids? See item above.

-Are you ready to deal with him going out on boys' nights with all of his bachelor friends? Knowing that he hasn't done everything a 22 year-old wants in his single life?

I'm sure there are other questions you need to sit back and ask yourself, but I don't really know you or him. But the "him" doesn't really matter right now IMV... it's YOU that matters.

ETA: I'm about to post about my own age gap... thing

Baby in my opinion age is nothing but a number. It is how you feel in your heart. I am 26 my fiance was 36. A whole ten year difference but he had the biggest heart. We were soulmates he died two days before we were suppose to get married and it is destroying me. I thnk as long as you give him time he will come around again. Just give him time to clear his head.

I am SO SORRY about your loss!

My thoughts and prayers are with you

take care

*hug*

thanks for the wise words.

i do think he is too young.

bad timing.

next time, if there is a next time, I will be more careful in who i choose.

I see you deleted your own thread... too bad cause I wanted to read it and reply if i could be of help.

I know he isn't close to ready (and neither am I BTW). I am coming to terms with this, and even my feelings are changing. from having hoped and suffered so much, and not gotten the results I wanted (to be back with him), I have abandonned the fight. I see myself with him less and less in my mind. it hurts, I didn't want to loose the feelings. but I am human and that's what happens after a while. for me anyway.

I actually talked to him last night. It did revive old pain, but it also showed me we can be great friends and that we really care deeply about each other. of course again we talked about the fact that we are not truly ready to be friends, because of the feelings and memories that are still alive.

what I am learning though, is that just because we still have feelings for each other, doesn't mean we can be together. you can love somebody and not be able / ready / willing to have a "romantic" exclusive relationship, with all that this implies (which I am really questionning myself about at this point: what IS a relationship with a "partner" for me? what is it made of, what kind of person shoudl he be and should I be? how do you know you are with the right person? is it ok to break up and start over with someone else several times still in the rest of my life? etc. etc.). It is all scary and confusing. as muh as I regret nothing (except some of my own actions), I think if I met someone else that age, I would stay away... then again everyone and every relationhsip is different... and maybe this one was really meant to be and it did taught me A LOT...

very confusing but anyway for now I am alone with all these questions but I think I really am healing and most of all accepting that he didn't leave me because I was "bad" (this is a big issue for me) and worthless (I have huge issues around feeling worhtless), but because he needed to do this for his own reasons and for himself. and I want my life to stop revolving around feeling worthless and looking for male approval for one thing.

take care all.

ps the kids thing had come up as a source of stress during our relationship... I don't want them but he is of course very ocnfused on this topic (like with everything else). yesterday night we were talking about the ilications of raising children in today's world and he was saying he doesn't want to have any... but during our relationship he had expressed the desire to be a father at some point and it was scary because I was pretty darn sure I didn't want children. I still am. so yes another reason why the timing is just not appropriate. when I was 22 I was very confused still. I have to remember he is still very young. it's hard sometimes though cause I feel so vulnerable in front of him.

Yeah, sorry I deleted it. It was too personal and I don't want anyone to inadvertently stumble upon it. I'll try again w/o so many details.

I really am proud of you. As you are now seeing, love isn't enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

Keep healing... and keep posting. It seems to help you a lot.

Too immature, and not too young...

When I was 22, I had a 36 year old with 4 kids all over me....I eventually had to cut her off.....it can work, but it just wasn't for you at that time.

Keep in touch with him in case something happens...

Yeah, sorry I deleted it. It was too personal and I don't want anyone to inadvertently stumble upon it. I'll try again w/o so many details.

 

I really am proud of you. As you are now seeing, love isn't enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

 

Keep healing... and keep posting. It seems to help you a lot.

OMy I post personal details in my therads! To each their own comfort levels.

I've been up and down, a lot of sadness fomr coming to terms with stuff though, including childhood abuse.

thanks for the words of encouragement. take care.

Too immature, and not too young...

 

When I was 22, I had a 36 year old with 4 kids all over me....I eventually had to cut her off.....it can work, but it just wasn't for you at that time.

 

Keep in touch with him in case something happens...

hmmm...ya we talked 2 nights ago (I called him as usual as of lately) and I think we can be friends. I guess you are right it is immanturity and not age.