Well, no, not if you committed to be with another person for better or for worse, including if you meet someone you have a strong connection to and especially if there are children involved.
If you want the privileges of being married, the vows don't say "unless I meet someone for whom I have an unexplained connection."
It's all about priorities - if someone prioritizes always going after the next big thing, keeping options open, that person has the choice not to be exclusive and certainly the choice not to subject innocent children to those whims.
Obviously, people get divorced and sometimes because they meet other people but I would want to hear that they put 100% into making the marriage work including no contact with the other person and certainly no cheating.
No sane person, who's already married will immediately get divorced, after all, the connection might not be real. So of course, people try to make their marriage work, because there was a reason, once upon a time why two people decided to get married in the first place.
It's your perogative to stay in a marriage, but it really depends on how you feel in the marriage...are you relatively happy? Unhappy, miserable?
To stay in a marriage when you are miserable and when you know there is nothing real sustaining the marriage, especially when you know there is this other person you feel a special connection with is sad IMO. Life is too short as it is. But some people feel it's ok to make these sacrifices for their children.
That's not my point. My point is that if you believe as you do - that if you met someone you had an unexplained connection to as you posted, that you would divorce your spouse and leave your family/children - then I would think that you wouldn't be well suited to making a marital or similar commitment to someone.
Temptation like that is everywhere and it's always a choice whether to follow up on a connection like that. Also, typically the miserableness has nothing to do with the other person but with problems in the marriage and the commitment means that you commit to work on the problems and while working on the problems not to cheat or have sabotaging contact with the otehr person.
Obviously as I wrote - but you ignored in order to make your point I guess - there are situations where the people do divorce because someone meets another person. I just disagree that if you are in a committed relationship you should pursue that connection you feel - you have a choice not to, and if you chose to get married and chose to make that commitment, chose to have children and all the other benefits you chose not to have the freedom to pursue a romantic connection with another person.
Of course there is always the choice not to marry in the first place and in my opinion given your standards it might not be a good decision to make that type of commitment, so that you can be free to explore every time you feel an intense connection to a stranger.
Edited to add - of course you can marry someone who feels the same way you do - that if one day they feel a connection to someone else that they believe is intense, they are allowed to pursue that connection and then compare it to how they feel about you, choosing the other person over you if that is the result. As long as both people are honest that they are allowed to pursue those "connections" that's fine. Of course, you would never know if he actually felt that connection or if he simply was tired of you and used that as an excuse to be with someone else and leave you. But that's a matter of trust and confidence.
For me, personally that would never work and I've never heard of anyone, other than people in an open marriage I guess, who would commit to someone who said "but I'm allowed to explore the potential with someone else if I feel this unexplainably strong attraction to that person".
Last edited by Batya33; 03-29-2008 at 06:19 PM.
I think you misunderstood the premise of the hypothetical. It's not what I would or would not do or whether I choose to marry a person or not. You are clearly offended by the lack of details of the hypothetical.
The premise is that a person is already married and with no ill-intent and with no purpose of straying, meets a person with whom they have a strong connection...an otherworldly connection, if you will. No one said anything about cheating or pursuing while married. It simply just happens. No one said that two people shouldn't try to make their marriage work or to throw away a marriage on a whim merely upon meeting someone you have a connection with. Clearly, no one is going to throw or should throw away a marriage for every crush or to not think about their situation.
What I choose to do personally, you should not concern yourself with. The question wasn't whether *I* should enter the bonds of marriage.
Edit to add: Ok, so you are taking the hypothetical to add....now that you are in a marriage, are you allowed to explore an unexplained connection to another person WHILE still married?
Last edited by Iliena; 03-29-2008 at 06:37 PM.
I believe there is always a choice as to whether to pursue a connection and when you are committed you choose not to with rare exception.
I am not married but am in a committed relationship and thereforeeee have promised, among other things, not to explore such a connection while in the relationship and, if I choose to explore that connection I would need to end the relationship. But I wouldn't think people would get involved if the standard was "we will be exclusive but I can explore any intense connection I feel and end the relationship based on feeling an intense connection to a stranger."
Last edited by Batya33; 03-29-2008 at 07:11 PM.
way to hijack. Theres no right or wrong, theres do or do not
Iím crushing really hard on my friendís younger brother
One night I was over at my friendís house with a group of friends, and the brother and I kept making very intense eye contact. We ended up making out
Girl with a boyfriend has been flirting with me but sending mixed signals
I'm in my freshman year in college, been here for about two months. There is this girl that came up to me and asked for my number while I was at
Glances and eating
So we were all out in a group, this guy kept glancing at me a lot. He would look at my face especially when i was looking at something else. I
Attracted to my Neighbor!
Hi there all I need some advice. I think I'm attracted to my neighbor. We've lived in the same town since childhood. And have known each other since
How do I let him know I'm interested
So I work at a grocery store and there is this guy who comes in pretty regularly and I'm very much attracted to him...but I don't know what to do
Hooked Up with a Coworker - Now What?
Hi everyone - I'm hoping that at least one person who reads this will be able to give me some helpful advice. Before that advice can be given, I
Just when I am getting over him...he (21 M) calls me (21 F) at 1 AM this weekend
Okay, so brief recap. Made out with one of my guy friends from my school program. We have every single class together and we have mutual friends. We
Is there any hope for my relationship?
Hello, I hope somebody can offer some advice please. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and half years and he's never told me that he loves me. I
is it normal for women to ask married men to buy them underwear?
Hey, new to this and kinda don't know how it works but here goes.... I'm married my husband works offshore, which means he spends a fortnight at
Love spells to bring back an ex?
My relationship with my ex was perfect. I fell in love for the first time in my life and I loved him with everything I had. We went through harsh
This is probably going to sound stupid but I don't know what to do
Hi everyone, I'm new on here so I apologise if I miss anything or get something wrong. I was told this was a friendly but honest place to ask advice
Found my girlfriend reaching out to another guy after an argument
Not one to post here, but need an outsiders perspective please. Had a drunk argument with my girlfriend late Friday night. I left her apartment to
It happened!! Ex wants to get back together
Hello ENA people, I've been in NC for months. So my ex calls me out of the blue because he wants to get back together. He heard from a friend
She called my brain 'unique' and its working 'laughable'- call off?
So we've been dating for seven months. We're 21 and 20, and in love. We haven't ever had anything to fight about really, we were just having this