Confused as to poster's attitudes.

Hello there!

I've been a long time lurker who's only recently started posting, I've noticed that alot of posters here are big fans of NC after a breakup, even way, way after a break up. Now my best friend is also my ex girlfriend, she's a wonderful person and had I not stayed in contact with her after we broke up, chances are we wouldn't've been friends.

Yes, when we broke up I wanted to get back together with her and it was a strain on the relationship, but we overcame it together. Every break up is different, the relationships between the people vary in strength and type, but 'NC' always seems the first piece of advice dished out regardless of how little the poster has revealed about themselves or the relationship. I'm wondering why? Is it the assumption that if someone is posting here then they're too confused to act on their own and need the bluntest, safest course of action? Has anyone else noticed this trend?

You seem to have grasped it Rummage. It is in the immediate future generally the safest course of action while the OP can get some reflective time and space to fully absorb the situation that they find themselves in.

Hence you will find posters that go from NC to LC after time and, as in your case, become friends with their exes.

I have to say though, that the general rule is that not many people become best friends with their exes.

I agree with you Rummage, I would'nt be best friends with my ex (now boyfriend again) if I had cut off the contact with him. It just would'nt have happened, due to both being too stubborn to initiate contact.

Everyones situation is different, and sometimes going NC is the best way to deal with it, but the people going through the breakup are the only ones who know if it'd be a good idea for them or not, and they can pick and choose what advice they take.

I got that advice quite alot, and whereas I did lower the contact slightly, I never cut him off. So like me and you did, other people will just know if NC is'nt right for them.

I've done a couple of threads on this subject that you might find interesting:

I've done a couple of threads on this subject that you might find interesting:

 

 

 

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Those threads are brilliant! Wish I'd seen them earlier, could've just chucked my two cents in. Glad to see there are plenty of people who agree that NC is often overused.