Falling Apart... at 26

I could really use some advice..

I'm curious if anyone else has gone through a stage where they feel they are just falling apart... crumbling as a person..

I'm not sure if it is depression... or just a phase.. but I feel like I was always such a strong person, confident, and growing into who I am all in the right direction..

Growing up right up until last year, I pretty much had a normal, healthy life.. I have great family, friends, had alot of hobbies, good relationships... I was doing some modeling and overall I was just a happy-go-lucky, confident fun loving person!

I went through most normal early 20's issues.... relationships, finding jobs, school, etc. But nothing major happened in my life to knock me down...

I had a bit of health issues, but nothing that wasn't easily fixed.

All of a sudden now I'm turning 26 next month, and since age 25 I have been so depressed.

I am engaged (no major issues), I have a pretty good job heading in the right direction... I have a small social circle, but enough to have fun..

Yet I feel myself totally crumbling.... I have been really tired, low on energy, my doctors say my blood work is fine...... I went through a period of alot of stress and weight loss... but generally I just feel run-down and I'm not sure if that is why I feel horrible inside and out... I just feel my self confidence crumbling... my relationships I feel so much inadequacy and doubt... All for no reasons!!

I feel mental, like I am sabotaging myself!

But for some reason everything in my life just feels so OFF........

I'm so not ready for marriage... I feel terrible being engaged and having so much doubt..

I doubt my friendships alot.. if my friends are really true friends..

Sadly I just don't feel a purpose of living.... all for no real reasons... Just everyday I live in doubt, and just feel BLAH............. no pep.. no zest for life..

:sad:

Does anyone have any advice?

I have went to a counsellor about my relationship issues, but nothing seems to be helping.. I think about death all the time, like if I were to get killed in a car accident I would be okay with it.

I think everyone goes through a time in their life much like you're experiencing right now. A time where things don't make much sense, but it wil pass in time. Try and take a step back and look at the things that really matter to you in your life. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in all the wrong things; work, finances, what's next...don't get me wrong, those things are important to an extent, but they aren't everything. Turn to the people and things that make you happy. I've been where you're at, hell, I'm there right now, so I know it isn't easy. You'll probably surprise yourself with how strong you are though.

I understand exactly what you are going through.

Up to 24, I still felt young. Like I had all of the time in the world to get my stuff together.

And in a way I feel like in a blink of an eye I went from 19-25. I don't have a career. I feel like I'm not as pretty as I was 5 years ago. I wonder if I have any real friends. I'm afraid to be 30. I'm not ready to get married and have kid's, but I see half the people I graduated high school getting married.

I've come to realize it is the quarter life crisis.

I probably don't have the best advise for you because I am going through the same thing. But I want you to know, you are not alone, and you are not crazy.

We are going through a change from being an adolescent to an adult. And it's a hard change. But keep on moving forward. Try to better yourself. Just worry about today. Don't look to much in the future. Just one day at a time, and you will be okay.

Volunteer somewhere. It will make you feel better, I promise.

Or just try to expose yourself to experiences that are waay outside your comfort zone (they don't have to be uncomfortable experiences btw).

Sometimes a new perspective on things can help you figure out what you should be doing and what you REALLY want out of life.

Peace & Blessings

Thanks for the responses....

I have read about the quarter life crisis..... that is definitely what I feel.. my whole life and purpose to live seems so off... I just don't understand anything anymore.

I feel too young to party, but I feel too old to settle down completely..

I feel nothing gives me happiness anymore... all my happiness is VERY short lived...

I have very low low days... and some good days.. but mostly alternate between super low days and just normal/blah days.

I rarely feel highs...

The only times I feel really happy is when I doing some sort of addictive behavior like drinking alcohol, sex, shopping, etc.

I am strong enough to not let my life completely crumble, like get into addictive behavior excessively.. (I watch enough Intervention) lol..

But I just feel so blah.

And to be honest I've actually improved ALOT in my 20's... I haven't gone downhill lookwise or job wise.. I'm probably at my peak! Or getting better (which I am thankful for)

But I feel my confidence slipping away for no apparent reasons....

I just hang out with alot of older people and I guess I feel they have such strong confident personalities and don't seem to let anything bother them!

Yet I can cry at the drop of a hat... I'm so sensitive.. and I feel like strong confident types make me very insecure.

My closest girl friend is 30, and my fiance is 32.. and I work in an industry where most of the people are late 20's or 30-40's..

I feel like a baby I guess.... Not confident enough, still growing...

I'm not a very alpha type personality... I'm very sweet, reserved... my sense of humor is more on the silly side... I am mature to look at, but I feel sometimes very out of place like I'm not an adult yet, but I'm totally being forced into becoming one by my surrounds at work and home.

I wish there was something to help me through this period... I don't want to be a damper on the people around me, because I just don't feel FUN anymore like I always was!!

I constantly feel "in thought"... like I'm just floating around there physically but definitely not mentally...

People sometimes have to repeat things to me twice because I'm in such a daze... It's embarrassing lol.

I just can't seem to snap out of it.... this has been going on for at least a year now..:sad:

Your entire last post, is exactly how I've been feeling. Strange! Especially the part about being in a daze. I just don't "hear" anything anyone is saying to me, and it affects my life and my job negatively. Did your counsellor say anything about why that may happen?

She didn't... but I originally went to see her about my fears/doubts in my relationship... We were having some issues with jealousy & control on his part and a temper, so I went to her to cope with that. Things got better and are practically 100% fixed now, on their own......... probably whatever she said to me and talked me though, changed my attitude and response to his behavior because he changed drastically.

But as far as my life & these feelings now.... I haven't discussed yet...... I feel like I will come accross as a mentally unstable person because I originally came to her about my relationship, now all of a sudden it's all about me and my insecurities and issues lol.

I might go see a different counsellor and see if that helps.

For what it is worth, I'm about to turn 38 and feel the same way.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to finishing one journey & not quite knowing on how to start the next journey. No easy "silver bullet" answer. Just have to muddle thru.

Your entire last post, is exactly how I've been feeling. Strange! Especially the part about being in a daze. I just don't "hear" anything anyone is saying to me, and it affects my life and my job negatively. Did your counsellor say anything about why that may happen?

I'm 23 and I feel the same as both of you.

Its funny you bring this up, because ever since I turned 25 in September I have been feeling the exact same way. Depressed, lonely, and feeling like I wasn't where I "wanted to be" by age 25. I know how you feel, and I think its pretty normal actually. I doubted alot of my friends, my relationship, my job, EVERYTHING....wondering if I was following my "true path" in life, feeling like a lost boat in the ocean pretty much. I do think alot of it is depression. I've since began taking something for depression and my outlook has changed completely. I still have those feelings but now I am focusing more on me and what I want with my life, and using those feelings to make positive changes.

It sounds strange but these feelings might actually be a good thing, they signal a turning point in your life, a time to make changes and for change to come in. just know you arent alone, and it WILL pass....

This is a little scary.. reading your story felt like i was reading mine. all is pretty much the same.. 26, engaged, feeling down.. except the modeling part.

I also have relationship issues... great guy.. but my thoughts are pretty much in line with yours.. i get scared to make plans for the wedding incase it didnt go through.. and the later it gets the more stressed and down i get.

I did speak councillor today actually, becuase i was of feeling so down. He helped me identify that i am in a good relationship and all the values are there.. but i need to decide if what is not making me happy about the relationship can be compromise.

It is easy to say, break it off if you are not ready.. but i for one know it is so much harder than that. You need to decide what you need from a relationship and if he fulfills that. And if he does, what is it exactly thats causing issues with you. I also feel young to marry..inside i am 21. but reality is.. im not 21.. i have a good thing.. and im going to go for it.. as scarey as hell as it is!!!

its ok to feel like a baby in the industry, doesn't everyone at the beginning? the more experience you have... the better you will feel.. just know that you WILL be at that stage in time.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to finishing one journey & not quite knowing on how to start the next journey. No easy "silver bullet" answer. Just have to muddle thru.

Yes, this rings true for me too. I've gone through this several times in my life during big personal transformations. The first was in my early 20s. I think it first hits people around 23-27. So if you learn to get through it now, it will be easier when you're older and have to go through it again.

So how to "muddle thru"? The last time it happened, I went to my doctor because I was so exhausted and thought I was really ill. He recommended I take a workshop on mind, body & health. It was amazing to learn the connection between stress and depression and physical illness. You have all the symptoms of stress, which is not surprising since you're engaged to be married!

You say, "I'm so not ready for marriage." It's perfectly normal to feel that way and to feel stressed and afraid. You're going through a period of letting go of your youth and your single life. The counselor can help you work through this. The key is to reduce the negative thoughts and to manage the stress.

Thanks guys...

Well it's comforting to know many go through this stage...

Is it normal for your confidence as a person to suffer as well?

Like I said, I have no real reasons to feel that way- and I understand in life alot of outside things will affect us.... but I can't believe how much I have allowed these things that I have no control over to affect ME so much inside as a person... Like everything I built in the last few years is going down the tubes because of one stressful period of my life.. it sucks

In regards to counselling... I am going to have to try someone else.... mine is helpful, but I'm not really learning anything to help me cope or deal... All she really does is listen and maybe give a bit of advise... I don't really find it that useful, I could gain the same help by asking people on message boards for advice.

I want a more in-depth approach, where my counsellor can maybe help me indentify my fears... because I know alot of my doubts are because I'm fearful of alot of things... change... losing my comfort zone... fear of making the wrong decisions..

I just wish I knew how to cope better

I think the best thing you can do is think about the good things you.

Imagine if you were 26, ugly, no engagement hadn't had any relationships, no education, your job was at Walmart, and you worked with a bunch of hopeless young kids.

Thanks for the positive advice... I do agree that helps sometimes, to focus on the positive and not the negative..

It's just very hard to break a negative thought pattern once it starts... it's like kryptonite...

My relationship often is the main issue I have, which affects my confidence.. I just don't feel happy most of the time..... and I know most would say than leave....... but I am having a hard time recognizing why am I so unhappy? Is it just I am overall unhappy, or am I really that unhappy with MY PARTNER..

Hard to say sometimes....

Has your counselor ever suggested that you might have clinical depression?

Here are some of the symptoms:

1.) Feeling of helplessness

2.) Lack of energy

3.) Self-loathing

4.) Overall pessimistic outlook on self, situation, and future

If these symptoms describe you, which I believe it does, especially that comment about if you died in a car crash, you'd be okay with it.... i think it's classic clinical depression. (It's different from normal depression because with clinical depression there's not enough serotonin (the feel good chemical) in your brain and that's why you're feeling the way that you do.) There are some depression quizzes online that you can google and further decide, but if your mood persists, you should go see a doctor. He can prescribe medication or offer suggestions as to what you can do about your emotions.