'Friends with benefits' with the ex?

Alright, so I talked to my ex-boyfriend last night and it went surprisingly well. '

It was actually a lot of fun talking about old memories and poking fun of eachother's little quirks. We've challenged eachother to a one-on-one hockey game and flirted shamelessly.

Honestly, no romantic feelings had rushed back to me. It's as if I've blocked those feelings completely from my mind and heart. He didn't have romantic feelings for me either, but had stated that he just hasn't been able to get attracted to anyone other than me. Which is fine. I guess in a sense neither have I.

I don't want to get into a serious relationship until I graduate from college (I have a lot of moving around left to do), so this is actually a fairly ideal situation. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone, either.

But I don't know... He wants to take me into the city for a day during the Thanksgiving weekend. He wants to take me to the aquarium. I know he's going to want to get sexually involved. He dropped those hints all throughout the conversation. Actually, he was pretty blunt about it.

As ideal as this situation may be to us while neither of us want a relationship, I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Basically what's going on here is we're going to be acting as girlfriend/boyfriend, without any such committment to one another. I have a fairly high sex drive and never satisfy it myself (I just can't get into having sex with myself), so in that sense it would do me some good. This is much like friends with benefits territory, which I have done once before, but never with an ex. That was when I actually wanted a relationship, though, so things panned out a little differently. My romantic feelings didn't come back to me after/during talking to my ex, but I'm not too sure about what would happen if we started hooking back up.

So, I don't know. It's always good to get a second opinion--especially when I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. Anything would be appreciated.

I say go for it. You both seem to want the same thing without all the other stuff that goes along with being in an official relationship. and hey, if it starts getting weird, you can always stop.

I say go for it too..I actaully had break-up sex with my ex that I still love, but am getting tired of trying to get back together with. The sex was amazing and something I needed. You know, relaxed me an all. We talked about it he considers it fun, and told him I was hurt....but I am reconsidering it-and take on the mentality of: Alright not getting back together, but heck the sex is fun...but we'll see...good luck to you

if sex is all it is (meaning no intimacy, no trust, no commitment), then to each their own.. but if you're going to get deep and involved, then it's just gonna be much more painful afterwards.

I would think this is going to be hard for you to pull off as a FWB relationship because it used to be a full-blown relationship. I'd recommend caution.

I would think this is going to be hard for you to pull off as a FWB relationship because it used to be a full-blown relationship. I'd recommend caution.

Agreed. I personally don't think it's the smartest of ideas. I'm hesitant to believe FWB can work out with strangers even, or friends, because sooner or later someone might get attached, or when someone else enters the picture, jealousy and feeling come as well.

Since you have a history with the guy, you can pretty much predict what's going to happen. If you are attracted to him sexually still, there's obviously Something there. You need to think about the what ifs.

I also say for it. If you guys have sexual chemistry but dont no more romantic feelings for each other than it should work. It's different than being friends with benefits with a stranger because there is a possibility that it could turn into something more and someone gets attached. However, since you guys already gave the relationship a go, and it didnt work, then you dont have to be cautious of that happening.

If one of you guys starts to develop feelings again then call it off immediately and chalk it up as a good run.

Thanks for all the replies. I really do appreciate it.

I think I might take the chance. I've considered all the bad things that could happen and I'm tired of over-analyzing things. I'm a thinker and have been my whole life. I'm going to just let myself go this time and see where it takes me, whether it takes me to heartache from getting too attatched or bliss from flat-out great sex. This isn't like me at all- I absolutely hated the last 'friends with benefits' situation because I wanted more from the get-go. At the moment I just can't be in a relationship due to the timing and the changes taking place in my life, so I have none of those extra expectations to worry about as I used to. Also, I know that this guy and I are just not compatible at all as girlfriend/boyfriend, but we are really something else when it comes to friendship. I guess if we never take risks, we'll never know how things can develop and change. I'll definetly be aware.

Bad idea! If your willing to risk the fact that he might have sex with someone else at anytime, and if you once were emotionaly attached, those feeling can easlily be aroused again. He could play you like a fiddle with this set up.

NO WAY!! tried it! i thought i was getting over her, we had an afternoon together and BANG it all come flooding back, wanting what you cant have. Sent me 100 paces backwards and im back to square 1 emotionally! Finding it harder than ever now. Of course you may be a stronger person than me regarding blocking feelings but this is my experience, make of it what you will!

your nuts!do you really think your just gonna have sex and the fellings arent gonna come up.its impossible didnt you ever see that seinfeld when jerry and elain try that?

your nuts!

Okay... Well I guess in a sense I am nuts for even considering it, but... Sometimes it's nice to be nuts every once in a while. I'm very conservative with most of the things I do. I have an oppurtunity like this, and yes, I might get hurt, but then again I might not. I'll never know how much I can mentally take until I test the waters a bit.

The thing about the whole feelings for the other person... I've lost all of those. That was part of the reason for the breakup. There was no longer a spark and we just didn't want the relationship. So I don't understand how they could possibly come back if I have (and had) completely extinguished them from my mind... and heart.

I love getting a lot of different opinions, and it's very interesting to hear the responses. I'm definetly weighing them into my decision. Sure, I may develop strong feelings for him and get hurt. Or this could just result in awesome sex. Now, I suppose it's time to weigh all the risks you've all mentioned and place a worth on the each of the outcomes that could possibly result.

Been in that situation once ... yeah the sex was fun and the whole fwb relationship too but beware ... and be sure that both of you do not have any romantic interest and the fact that in the past you were in love just make it easier for the romantic feelings to come back again ...

Emotionally you will be walking on eggs but if you r certain you will not fall in love again , neither will be i say go for it ..

Just wanted to update the thread a bit and say that I decided to not go through with the whole "friends with benefits" thing when he came into town. He's a very physically attractive person, but there was just no sexual attraction to him. I'm guessing it's because there was no mental or emotional attraction either. I suppose I'll eventually come accross a guy who provides all aspects of attraction for me...

Surpringly, he is still very attracted to me and says he still has much love for me. He even went as far as to say he wants to marry someone just like me, or better yet, me. It kind of makes me a bit happy I didn't get sexually involved with him, because I just don't reciprocate those feelings. It'll be intersting to see where this situation goes.

yikes. I thought you said he didnt have any feelings for you. when he says things like that then yea dont go for it. I'm sure its possible for both people not to have any feelings but its rare i guess. Smart move to hold back.

Yeah, I know, I thought he didn't. He led me to believe that his feelings for me had vanished while being his stubborn "I'm hard as rock" self, but I guess they're still there.

He's still wanting to get together and hang out in December (when he comes home again for a month), but we'll see how that goes.

I would be hesitant too, becuase i did the same thing. there were circumstances in my situation you might not have had in yours and your ex doesnt seem to secretly want to be iwht you like mine did, but really your feelings do come back no matter how much you blocked them out. just try not to get reattached, its just as hard getting over them the second time around