He dumped me out of the blue

[littlegirl1]

I'm in a dark place right now and I don’t understand anything, I need help!

 

A few days ago my boyfriend (we've been together for 4 months) dumped me out of the blue. Everything was perfect, he told me he loved me the day before the breakup and he just suddenly woke up and told me that he doesn’t see a future with me.

My heart is completely broken; I don’t understand how after a beautiful weekend with his family he dumped me.

The relationship was healthy, he was loving and he was always there for me, even in the last days. I was a great girlfriend with him and he told me many times how lucky he was for having a girlfriend like me. Some of my friends told me that maybe he got scared because his family loved me and things were going a bit fast.

 

Please give me advice, I need help and sorry for my bad English. Italian is my first language.

[JenCrowley]

I am incredibly sorry that you are hurting, OP.

 

When you say that things may have been moving "too fast", what do you mean by that exactly? Did the two of you express your love for one another rather quickly? Did you become exclusive right away? How soon after first dating were you introduced to his family?

 

It's possible that this could have been one of those "burn fast, burn out just as quickly" romances, especially if this is a pattern for him. Have all of his past relationships been short, or has he had a past long-term relationship before?

[littlegirl1]

Thank you for your answer and kindness!

 

I met his family on the 4th date and he asked me to be his girlfriend two months after the first date. We did express our love rather quickly. I said the L word first and he told me that he felt the same and the next time he told me he loved me.

 

He has had a 3-year relationship so I don’t think it’s a pattern.

 

I think he is insecure sometimes and tend to overthink. At the moment of the breakup he cried a lot. The next day he called me and apologized for breaking up out of the blue and he was crying again. I don’t understand what happened, when he stopped seeing his future with me. It hurts me so much, thinking about all the times I felt that I loved him, he was thinking about breaking up with me.

[abitbroken]

You can care for someone but realize they are not the one for you.

There are a lot of reasons why someone might be a perfectly lovely person but not a match.

 

I would not continue to entertain tearful calls. let his answer be his answer. Don't call him, don't be his ear. Move forward.

You want someone who is sure about you.

[JenCrowley]

Yes, from your description, things were moving along at a rapid pace. From my experience, when someone is as "hot/cold" as your ex (that is, head over heels for you one day, completely done with you the next) it says a lot more about what's going on in their headspace than it does about the relationship itself.

 

For whatever reason, your ex is not in a good place to be in a relationship right now. I couldn't tell you for certain what is going on in his mind right now. What I can tell you is that it isn't normal to be completely infatuated in a relationship one day and then wanting out of the relationship the next.

 

My advice to you, in moving forward: accept that your ex has his own issues to deal with and that a relationship is not possible with him. Take as much time as you need to emotionally heal, devote your time to the things you enjoy (friends, hobbies, family). In time, you will heal, the pain will become less and less as time passes.

[littlegirl1]

Hi abitbroken,

 

You are completely right because I know he cared about me. What I don’t understand is why he wanted to take me to his family for the weekend, he told me he wanted me to be there and he used to give me gifts and was there for me all the time. I’m not calling or texting him, he sent the last text and I didn’t reply because it was too hard for me. I miss him so much.

 

Thank you for your answer!

[Cherylyn]

Hey littlegirl1,

 

I'm so sorry for your pain and broken heart. You need to be patient. Even though you don't see this now, someday, your old wounds will become nothing but a blur and fade away.

 

What helps me in unfortunate situations such as yours is to always see the silver lining or blessing in disguise. Whenever relationships or even friendships went awry, it did so for a reason. The reason being the other person or guy in your case wasn't meant to be. There's a side to his character which is insincere, non-committal, dishonorable, lacks integrity, fake, phony and empty. Change the way you think. Tell yourself that you actually need to be "thankful" that he rejected and dumped you because he doesn't possess the type of character that you would respect and admire. That part right there should fill your brain with disgusting disdain instead of pain. You need to turn this around from hurt and pain to "good riddance!" mentality. Change the way you think by thinking that he actually did you a huge favor. It's hard to see it this way now but often times whenever I think of ended relationships or friendships, I thank my lucky stars because that other person wasn't good for me and same with your ex-boyfriend not being good enough for you either.

 

Your standards are high and you deserve to be with a man who matches those high standards, a gentleman who treats you like a lady, a man who treats you with honor, sincere commitment and long term great intentions from his purest heart. Anything less than what I had just mentioned is a waste of your time, energy, labor and money. Never invest in a man who doesn't think of you before himself.

 

Tell him it's time to go your separate ways and tell him not to contact you anymore. If he ignores your request and becomes relentless, then ignore, ghost, block and delete. Then over time, he will become out of sight, out of mind.

 

Don't try to make rhyme nor reason figuring him out anymore and asking yourself why? Don't fixate on his family, your gatherings with them or any of those confusing thoughts. It doesn't matter at this point. He broke up with you because he wants you out of his life so do likewise and follow suit. Move on so you can heal.

[littlegirl1]

Hi Jen,

Thank you for your time! I guess he has a mind full of things right now. I think the same, it’s not normal for him to say that he loves me and the next day breaking up with me. I will start moving forward but it hurts specially when I think about him with someone else. Thank you for helping me.

[littlegirl1]

Hi Cheylyn,

Thank you for helping me and being so empathetic. You are right, I should be thankful. He definitely doesn’t possess type of character I would respect and admire. I was a great girlfriend and you made me understand that I deserve a lot more. We are not speaking anymore and I have already removed him from social media. I want to thank you for taking your time for helping me, you said the things I needed to hear. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

grazie mille donna gentile, hai un cuore bellissimo!!

[Cherylyn]

Hi Cheylyn,

Thank you for helping me and being so empathetic. You are right, I should be thankful. He definitely doesn’t possess type of character I would respect and admire. I was a great girlfriend and you made me understand that I deserve a lot more. We are not speaking anymore and I have already removed him from social media. I want to thank you for taking your time for helping me, you said the things I needed to hear. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

grazie mille donna gentile, hai un cuore bellissimo!!

 

You're quite welcome, littlegirl1. Anytime. You did the right thing by removing him from your social media. He doesn't deserve you and you most certainly deserve the best man in your life. He was not the one for you. You are a great girlfriend and only a great boyfriend is the right one for you and the type of man who will treat you right. Chin up. Your day in the sun will come!

[abitbroken]

Hi abitbroken,

 

You are completely right because I know he cared about me. What I don’t understand is why he wanted to take me to his family for the weekend, he told me he wanted me to be there and he used to give me gifts and was there for me all the time. I’m not calling or texting him, he sent the last text and I didn’t reply because it was too hard for me. I miss him so much.

 

Thank you for your answer!

 

People give gifts for a lot of reasons. Some people do it to seek approval, not because its love. And some people = that's their nature. And talking about wanting you to be there and actually making it so are two different things. being there "all the time" for someone actually isn't too healtht