ironhound

My family has just moved...while I invested a lot of time and energy in the move beforehand, afterwards I just didn't have the strength to work on the place. I went back to work, and tried to help out in the evenings. In the past couple of days, my wife just exploded: I'm nasty to her friends, my mother is an evil witch and I take no responsibility for anything. So she says. She's gotten completely hysterical, and even her sisters say she's gone totally irrational. When I asked her why she stays with me (yes - we've gotten that far), she says that she loves me, and that I have certain characteristics that she knows she can't find anywhere else. But she acts in a way that is seriously endangering her chances of enjoying those characteristics for much longer... In any case, I understand what she wants - to know that I am there for her, that I am behind her all the way...but I don't know how to convince her that I am. No matter what I do. it's just not good enough, it's "cosmetic"' I'm just doing it to avoid conflict. So - any ideas how I can convince her I am behind her?

The movies are a very bad idea as a first date... you're just getting to know a person, want to find out things, clarify, communicate... so you go sit in a dark room facing the same way for two hours??? IMNSHO not a very good idea. Better to go for coffee, get over the initial awkwardness, and find out if you have anything in common... better yet go to the zoo. Plenty of conversation material there

I think that I should add some information: First, it is clear that I have issues with my wife. I'm not sure that it is really relevant, however; whatever I decide to do (and I think I am on the way out), I am not going to let this relationship with the girl influence my decision (as far as it is possible to be objective about onesself...) Second, I don't think I did justice to the power of this relationship... I am an attorney and a computer scientist and and absolute rationalist... but in this relationship, things happen, as I said, mystical things... we are very much "together", most of the hours of the day. Sometimes we even manage to touch - mostly when we are not expecting it to happen. Here is an example: under Chinese astrology (and I do not believe in any form of astrology), my sign is "Fire Horse". Once, completely offhandedly, she mentioned to me that she had drawn on the walls of her room... I asked her who was guarding her doorway, and she responded... "its a horse, with wings of fire..." Things like that. I know that the mystical element does nat add or detract in anyway from the very real psychological issues at play here, but nonetheless...it makes you say hmmm....

This is a pretty complicated stroy: Im a married guy, 36, two kids, fairly happy in my marriage...I didn't marry for love, though: I married out of a set of practical considerations with the most compatible woman I could find (I was under time pressure too). The long and short of it is that we are together 10 years now, we have two wonderful kids aged 5 and 2, and a good life together. For a number of years, I have been "cybering" on IRC...never took it seriously, its just a form of entertainment for me...anyway, about 3 months ago, I cybered with this girl who claimed to be 18, and it was...well, stunning. Unlike anything I've ever done before on the internet (and I've done a lot...) There are no words to describe how "real" it was. After a few days, she told me that we had to meet, that this was as amazing for her as it was for me... but that very night, at 2:30 AM, she sent me a text message saying she had just had sex with her BF, and all she could think of was me... the next morning she sent a series of texts telling how she couldn't allow herself to get involved, and she wanted it to end. Well, that very night we were back at it on the 'net, she told me she couldn't stop, that I had gotten into her head and she couldn't get me out...that we would meet one day, but not now. In the meantime, we began to talk, not just ****, and all sorts of "coincidences" appeared... we both became convinced that we were two halves of one whole, "twin flames" if you will, destined to be together, even if not right now. Since then we are in constant contact - text messages, telephone calls, IRC... but have never met. I want to meet her, just to see her face, but she claims that if we were to meet it would release something in her that would only cause her pain and suffering if she couldn't be with me all the time...so she prefers not to get into it at all. But that doesnt stop her from calling in the middle of the night when she's happy, lonely, horny, sad, whatever... ...and for some bizarre reason, instead of just walking away, investing in my wife or finding another lover, I accept her reasoning, because I could never do anything to cause her pain... She has tried to "cool things down" twice now, decided that she needs a break from me... but always makes contact again after a few hours saying she can't bear to be away. I have, incidentally, "confirmed" that she really is who she claims to be... an 18-yo high school senior. This has gone on for 3 months now, but my belief that we will be together someday just gets stronger and stronger.... she is so much a part of me. She is my sister, my lover, my twin... and 18 years my junior. And I have never met her. I often wonder: 1. Is the (almost mystic) connection I feel with her real, or the product of my own silly hormones? 2. Is she just playing with me, using me for the attention she gets without having to commit anything from her side? 3. Is it just childish fantasy to think that someday...even in the distant future... we are bound to be together, or is there such a thing as destiny and twin souls? Any comments would be appreciated