poorlittlefish

Your wife is getting her excitement outside of your marriage with a younger guy who you know is into her. If he's not been into her - quite literally - already, then it will happen on this "betterment" trip. She can "better herself" without spending time abroad doing date-like activities with a toy boy. Your wife is keeping you tagging along in the background while she gets more than appropriately friendly with another man. If you allow her to continue having her cake and eating it, I don't see how your marriage stands a chance.

I've not used Tinder, so I don't know the intricacies of how it works, but a few months back a guy on another site sent me a 'like' and I recognised him as being the mechanic from the garage I'd been to a couple of times. When I'd gone there, he and I had chatted loads and I thought there had been mutual attraction. I sent him a 'like' back, followed by a brief message about the chats we'd previously had. I got zero reply. This told me that he wasn't actually interested that way after all. If you send this guy an indication that you like him on Tinder, then whether or not he replies will be your answer. It may be less embarrassing than asking him in person and getting rejected.

In passing, yes. I literally said that I felt he wanted some kind of porn star and I couldn't be that person. Unsurprisingly he just denied that was what he wanted. I am going to try and talk to him about how this has been making me feel and if he is not responsive to my needs then I will have to break things off.

I've started dating someone who, like me, has been on his own for a few years. I accept that he will have been/is watching porn, but it's not something I want brought into my life. We have started having sex and he has already put his hand around my throat, gone to stick a finger up my backside, slapped me and made me 'talk dirty' during it. I am not comfortable with any of this and feel it is the porn influencing it. I told him 'no' for a couple of those things and he stopped. He refers to our intimacy as f*cking me, which I find disrespectful, yet away from sex he is very sweet and caring towards me. I'm getting frustrated because I'm getting nothing out of this sex. If he tries to stimulate me (only for a few seconds) he's way too heavy-handed for it to be pleasurable and I've had to ask him to be more gentle with my breasts too, because he's caused bruises. I've never experienced this before. He's younger than me and I feel that he's expecting our intimacy to mirror porn. There's only been one man who's been able to make me orgasm through penetration alone, so I know I need to use my hand during sex, but now I feel ashamed and inadequate doing that and he wants to "flip me over" before I've had a chance to get anywhere. Outside of the bedroom I really like this guy, but I'm finding it so difficult to express my needs. I don't want to split up with him, but I fear he will get bored or fed up with me if I continue being unable/unwilling to respond like someone in a porn movie. How do I get over this?!

This guy is 48, not 14. He has enough life experience to know that gawping at other women in front of the one he's supposed to be on a date with is disrespectful behaviour. He is not at the mercy of his primal emotions; he can exercise control over whether he ogles but chooses not to. I have had first dates with men who've done this and they never got a second. If he wants to check out other women he can do that when he's not in your company. I've never done this when I've been on a date and if I'm in a relationship with someone, I don't check out other men full stop.

So you haven't had sex yet, but surely you've made out a bit, if only on top of clothing? If so, she already knows and obviously hasn't been put off. Even if you are on the smaller side, there are plenty of other men like that and maybe her previous partners have been. Bigger definitely isn't always better.

Exactly this. When I was married we had something very similar, paying a set percentage of our take-home pay into a joint account to cover bills, home improvements etc. If we built a surplus, it would be used to fund a holiday. The arrangement worked very well and neither of us had to feel guilty about treating ourselves as we still had our separate accounts too.

That was what I was thinking. Did you check the date on the receipt, OP, and did it actually specify it was an engagement ring? If he's hiding the receipt, you'd think he'd hide the ring with it?

Your boyfriend sounds like he has no compassion whatsoever for other living things, be it human or animal. That's not a trait I'd want from someone I'm sharing my life with.

Surely you don't mean forcing her to accept a sex act? Giving an ultimatum seems rather harsh and unlikely to achieve a positive response/outcome.

If you're going to use online dating, you need to develop a thick skin and learn not to take rejection personally. I don't reply to 99% of the messages/likes I receive because of all sorts of reasons. Yes, I may not find the guy attractive, but he may live too far away, participate in hobbies I don't care for, seem illiterate etc etc. Similarly, if I message a guy, it's almost never that I receive a reply. If I got bitter and twisted from all that, I'd end up like the OP. What puts me off otherwise promising men is what they sometimes write in their profiles. I see men writing a big list of things they're not interested in and it's obvious they're describing their exes. If they have sarcastic comments about what they are or are not looking for, it's a red flag. If you have a similar list of unrealistic requirements, delete them.

If you want to be a kind and decent boyfriend, then being an "alpha male" or mean to girls shouldn't even be on your radar. Girls whose heads are screwed on right will be attracted to the complete opposite. This applies to sex too, so don't believe that girls want what you see in porn. Treating them like that will result in physical/mental harm and maybe a sexual assault charge.

I don't think you can agree to be in an exclusive relationship, but keep your profile up on dating sites where other potential mates will 'like' you and send you messages. I'm all for freedom of choice and leaving the ball in her court, but I'm surprised she didn't make the decision there and then.

I'd be notifying the cops because what she's doing adds up to harassment/stalking. If you're in the UK then sending someone unsolicitied pornographic images is also a criminal offence (I don't know if there are similar laws elsewhere). If nothing else, a little knock on her door from the boys in blue might be enough to dissuade her from continuing her campaign of abuse.

I suspect girls are put off by your arrogance.