Last advice before i go

Hi so as the title says i intend this to be my last post on this site. This is more of a vent/resolution combined and i mainly post this because right now i feel it might help me, but i would very much appreciate any advice or comment.

So in short i met up with a girl about 5 months ago which i hadnt talk to for about another 4 months. Things were very complicated between us, and i messed up too. In short about a year and a half ago we started out as friends while she was in a relationship then i stupidly confessed to her and then she was about to leave her ex to be with me but i had a short of a breakdown from the guilt and the whole pressure of the situation and i messed it up. I already know it was a really stupid thing to go after someone that was in a relationship and im an ass for it and i deeply regret it.

I was too head over heels for her at the time for me to make an rational decision.

Anyways she then stayed with her ex, which then broke up with later on. They were broken up for 6 months, and then she entered a new relationship. One day about 6 months ago she called me out of the blue after not having any contact for about 5 months prior. We talked casually and she asked to meet for coffee but she as out of town for a couple of weeks. She told me she was with someone(i didnt ask) and so i just kept talking to her sometimes, mostly she called me not expecting anything out of this anymore.

When she got back to town we had scheduled to meet for a coffee and catch up. 2 days before the meeting though she calls me out of the blue at 1 am crying and said she wanted to see me. She had a fight with her current bf and we met up. At first we just caught up and we talked about the past a bit and the mistakes we did. She told i never truly understood how important i was to her at the time, and that if i hadnt behaved like i did we would now not only be together but still be together for sure.

Once she said that my heart skipped a couple of beats and i knew i could do this, and be her friend. I told her i still had feelings for her, and i wanted to start over and take it slow, maybe go out a few times she if she feels something too, if not no hard feelings. I also told her that if she didnt feel the same then that was fine too but i made it clear that i had no intention to be just friends even though i enjoy her company and just talking to her immensly.

She agreed and she told me she was shaken up at the time, and with the fight with her bf(which said they broke up that night) and wanted time to think. I agreed a week went buy and she called me and turns out she got back with her bf. I told her thats ok if thats what she wanted and i understood and i told her we couldnt be friends as i had made it clear i wasnt interested.

We kept chatting on skype a few times over the next 2 months. And then it was her birthday and i caved and bought her something so i proposed we would meet so i could give it to her, even though we had agreed not to meet or talk much. She happily agreed and set the date to meet her.

Then a day before i asked about the place we were supposed to meet the next day because i didnt know exactly where it was. And then she goes , well see if we can meet, i never agreed to meet you and suddenly was very cold towards me. I asked her what was wrong. She tried to convince me that we never agreed to meet and that i didnt remember right. Inside me i already knew whats was going on because that EXACT behaviour and way of avoiding me i had dealt with in the past.

Guess what. I asked if she had gotten back with her first ex (the one she almost left for me) and she didnt anwer. I confronted her and told her that i dont like to be lied to, and that i wouldnt mind if she didnt want to talk to me anymore but at least she could have been honest, and not try to avoid me or make think we never made plans , that was just childish.

She told me that i shouldnt send or call her anymore and she would do the same, ofc without explaining anything to me.

I wasnt completely sure if she was back with her first ex again and it seemed so weird since she had just gotten back with her previous bf not over a month and a half.

In the end i was devastated because not only didnt she chose me, but she then broke up with her bf to be with her previous bf which they had broken up almost 6-7 months ago.

And so 4 months went by and i kept feeling ty and kept wondering what had happened and who she was with.

Well today i learned she is indeed with her first ex and i was right. So i just confirmed that not only did she not choose me but she broke up with another guy she was claiming to really like for him. So that makes me not even her 3rd option.

I now feel like i got hit by a train then 10 cars ran me over and then someone burned my corpse. I dont even feel like eating or anything. I feel like hell.

But at least got to know what i wanted right? Im hoping now that i have my closure i will slowly start to feel better unlike previously that i kept asking myself what happened. I plan to stop visiting this site, stop being pathetic and ing and just go on with my life. It hurts because i miss her so much and i think about her all the time, but i cant go on like this. I thought i really found everything i was looking for on her, and i have never loved anyone or had such a good time with someone ever before. But i guess she didnt feel the same and thats that. I wish i could wake up with amnesia tomorrow and forget i ever met her so it wouldnt hurt this bad but that cant happen unfortunately.

Thanks for listening to my story, and any words of advice, tips to stop hurting sooner or kind words of encouragement are very welcome.

It sounds like a very complex situation to me.

The girl in question seems very confused and insecure, so from what you wrote, I don't see her as great relationship material. I'm sure you still have her on a pedestal given the recent revelations, but from an objective outsider, you would be far better trying to find someone with less emotional baggage.

Start as you mean to go on. Delete her from skype, facebook, whatever. No more contact or presents either. My bet would be that she will eventually break up with the guy she is back with and come back sniffing around for attention, and at that point it is imperative that you don't be her security blanket again.

I personally find this site so beneficial to my healing, and have done so during the few break ups I have had during the last 11 years, but if it is really your last post then I wish you well. Good luck

The bottom line is that it never works out when you want someone that does not want you.

You don't need to leave this site because of breakups. We talk about many other things too! chi

Thanks for your kind advice. To be honest the situation is far more complex than i can describe here or that anyone would bother to read. Her current bf and past ex and the guy she was gonna leave for me was not just any guy he was my friend, a good friend too. I was the ass that fell for his gf and when i tried to cut ties with both of them they wouldnt just accept it. Eventually i confessed to her when she was crying asking why i wanted to not be friends with her anymore. I also told my friend the same day too i wanted to be clear why we couldnt be friends anymore, i told him he was great to me and that i was the in the wrong completely and i left. I deeply regret how i handled things and that i couldnt control my own emotions. NO excuses on my part here.

Anyways as i said we had no contact for 4-5 months now. I have deleted her on everything too since then. I dont think she will contact me again though. The longest we havent had contact since i met her 3-4 years ago is 7 months. My birthday is in a month i dont know what to expect. If she calls i wont answer. If she texts ill read it then delete it and not answer, i think thats for the best.

As for the pedestral she was never on one. I knew that if she decided to leave her ex for me she might even do it to me sometime in the future. I know her extremely well all her flaws and her bad habits and the ton of insecurities she carries. I believe i would be able to handle all of it though. And i was prepared for whatever from the get go. I just wanted to get the chance to be with her even if things didnt work out eventually, thats the risk of every relationship.

I think this site is great too but i dont wanna lurk here cause that will make me think of her and feel even worse. Right now i need to do anything i can not to think of her because i just feel like hell when i do, i start thinking who she's with and what they are doing and how happy she must be etc i just cant. Sorry for the long anwer

I feel for you, it's very hard when we want someone that doesn't want us. That really is the truth here. She had the chance to be with you between her different break-ups but she still chose not to be with you. The more respectful and considerate thing for her to do would have been to leave you alone knowing you had feelings for her that she didn't think were mutual. But instead she's totally keeping you on the hook and giving mixed signals etc. That's pretty selfish IMO.

Try to put yourself in her shoes and think what you would do if you were her. I think most kind people would not encourage someone who was into them when they didn't feel reciprocal interest. She's keeping you around as a safety blanket and for an ego boost. You deserve better than that.

It's not complex at all...everyone feels their situation is complex or unique but the reality is she's a flake and played you and her other boyfriend and probably another one in there somewhere. She's not ready or willing to settle down and do the work but that's ok a lot of people aren't. Let her go, wish her well and get on with life. Eventually you'll find someone more stable believe me there are plenty of them out there.

It's not complex at all...everyone feels their situation is complex or unique but the reality is she's a flake and played you and her other boyfriend and probably another one in there somewhere. She's not ready or willing to settle down and do the work but that's ok a lot of people aren't. Let her go, wish her well and get on with life. Eventually you'll find someone more stable believe me there are plenty of them out there.

Thats what im trying to do. Its hard though, i mean almost the last year i have never been able to even think of being with someone else or i tried dating and all i could think was her. Nobody i met seemed remotely attractive to me. I dont really care about being in a relationship right now, i just want to not think of her anymore and generally not feel so bad.

I know people say i should focus on hobbies etc, but right now almost all my friends are out of town and i cant afford to do much either. And i cant exactly keep busy now that summer is almost here. Im gonna do my best to push any thoughts i have of her away as soon as i get them for now and try not to think of her at all. In the past when we hadnt talked for a long time i was starting to feel much better until she called me again. This time im not anwering.

Baby steps to giant strides right?

Exactly. It just takes time. Since there's no kids involved and reconciliation is out and you've already said you feel better until she rings you up again i suggest blocking her until you feel better. And it will be months and months not days or weeks. Good luck