peterl

I know that you have been with someone else for a long time now. And i know you are happy and probably dont even think of me at all anymore. I know we havent talked for a year and probably never will again let alone see you in person. I know you might get engaged soon and even though i really wish you the best it kills me. And most of all i hate it that not a day has passed that i havent thought of you. I hate myself for it and i hate it even more that i cant kill that tiny bit of hope i keep deep down. Its killing me slowly but steadily. I did ok for a long time but lately, damn it lately, you keep popping in my head out of nowhere even in my dreams. I know you werent perfect neither was i, but i liked you just the way you were, i guess it wasnt the same for you. It sucks that i keep comparing everyone i meet to you and noone seems to be able to make me feel anything. Its been so long im so tired of it how long will this last? I havent had any sort of contact with you for a year hell i havent even seen a picture of you. Yet youre still in my head as alive as ever. And i want you out. Seriously get out. You got no place in there anymore you arent in my life and im not in yours. It annoys me so much that you chose that guy.Its always that guy. You chose him over me many times i was just too blind to see it. Hes a good guy and that makes it worse. I know i shouldnt hate him he did nothing wrong but i do. You shouldnt be with him he never got you like i do you even admitted that yourself. Yet you are with him and not me so what do i know right? I hate it that he gets to do everything i wanted to do with you, i hate it that he has you and i dont. But i still wish you the best and i want you to be happy. And that battle with my own feelings is so stupid and its tearing me apart. I want you to be happy even if its not with me but i also want you to be mine. Sometimes i wish i had never met you. So i wouldnt know how it feels to love someone with everything you got and even more. How it is to find someone that you connect with so damn much. Then i wouldnt miss it or you and i would be just fine. I wouldnt be insanely happy like i was with you but these last years have been so bad that id gladly take being just fine any day. Its so unfair. Why did i have to meet you if things would end this way. I have dealt with so much pain and loss in my life and i got over everything. But i cant seem to get over you. Just you. Ever since i met you, you got lodged into my brain and cant seem to get out. And the few times you almost did you magically appear out of nowhere just to give me some false hope before you disappear again. Damn you. Why do you have to do that. Its like you know im about to finally let you go and you appear just to make sure i dont and then leave again. Thats so cruel. Either come back in my arms or get out of my head for good, it has to be one of the two. This has to end now cause i cant take this anymore. I just hope one day you see, even if you dont do anything about it, just realise how much youre missing. How much i loved you and how much better than anyone i would do if i had the chance. Youre happy now thats why you dont give a damn. But you know everyone has their ups and downs, and you also remember that EVERY SINGLE TIME you were feeling really down even if we hadnt talked for ages i was there. Even when you called me at 4 am crying i was there.Even when it hurt like hell even when i knew you were with someone else i was there. Just because i loved you nothing more. But not anymore. Next time youre on your own. And its undeniable youre gonna miss me then, now that im gone for good. How does it feel to push away the only person that could see exactly who and what you are and love you for it, love you just for being yourself. Hell sometimes you didnt even talk and i just told you exactly what you were thinking and you just smiled and kissed me. Can someone else do that for you? No they cant. Yeah you will miss me, it just sucks that wont be enough.