Do not break nc

just wanted to give a little encouragement to all of you about the importance of sticking to nc. my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me 6 months ago saying he needed "other experiences" and to date other girls before settling down with me because we were so young (dated from 15-23). it was such a cruel break up because he would tell me things like "ill want to be together in the future" or "give me a few months" and he would still say i love you. for the first 4 months we would go through spurts of not talking for like 2-3 weeks and then one of us would usually reach out to catch up (usually me, but sometimes him). i then heard from a mutual friend he was seeing someone and confronted him and he told he was but it wasn't serious. i kept NC for almost 2 months and i was really proud of myself. i broke down last weekend to text and see how he was. he answered me but for the first time in 7+ years he was so cold and formal and stiff. i confronted him as to why and he basically told me he was getting serious with this girl so felt weird talking to me like we used to. he still told me to reach out whenever and he would always respond but in nicer terms he basically told me he's happy with where he is now and moving on.

during my 2 months of NC i felt so much better. sure i missed him at times but i was focused on me and only me and not what he was doing. i was getting myself back. i think in the back of my head i had lingering hope which is dangerous as I've come to realize. since i spoke to him over the weekend i feel back to square 1 with not eating, not sleeping, feeling nauseous, obsessing, etc. my advice to you is really not to break nc. it WILL make you feel worse. in my case i have to say im happy i did though because i really struggled with how to keep the door open with my ex and now i see firsthand why NC is better. sometimes you need to experience it personally i guess.

Amen! You're better off without him... wanted his cake and to eat it. Immature and selfish, same issues for him will arise again, maybe one day he will realise those issues are in him.

I broke NC last night. And boy do I regret it.

just what i need to read this morning! nc is hard in the beginning....

I even went as far as to have a friend put restrictions on my phone so i can look at any of his public social media accounts. Kinda pathetic...and i feel like i'm having withdrawls, but i know this is whats best.

It really sucks

Especially when they are the ones contacting you and telling you they miss you and giving you winky and smiley faces, but they actually don't express wanting to get back together with you. >.>

Good luck with your healing. And for anyone reading this, whatever you do, as OP said, DON'T break NC! You will only regret it!

Sorry to hear, but thank you for sharing. I have been debating breaking NC as well (it's been a few months) just to check in with my ex, but deep down I know it's a bad idea.

This thread has brought out the smart in me for at least the next little while...

Take care.

update: i get home from work last night and my ex is waiting for my outside my building. i haven't seen him in 4 months. he tells me he doesnt know what compelled him to come by but he really misses me. he then went on to tell me he's been in his new "situation" (he refuses to call her his girlfriend to me) for about two months and he's happy but its not the same and theres things he misses about our relationship that he doesnt have with her. he then goes on to tell me that he's sad and its too painful for him to think about me so he tries not to all the time and that everything feels so natural with me and its not the same with the other girl but he's enjoying the "novelty" of the new relationship. he said he understands if i don't want to talk to him or reach out again but he doesnt want to cut contact just because he's dating someone because he doesnt know where it leads and based on our history and "connection" he owes me an open and honest dialogue about it all and the new girl knows about it and is fine with it.

i stayed very strong. honestly i have no tears left and im so angry about it all. he cried on and off throughout talking to me and told me he has a letter he wants to send me where he explains everything he has been feeling clearly. that he still loves me and thinks about calling me to reconcile often but then he remembers why he took this break and its because he internally believes he needs to "explore" and have other relationships which is what he's doing and the last 6 months of "pain" wouldve been for nothing if he didnt give another relationship a fair shot.

in short, it was the same conversation we've had 100x since the break up. i told him please not to contact me again, that i hope he finds happiness in his relationship, but i want to move on and be off this emotional roller coaster ride. then i blocked his number, blocked him on Facebook and instagram and threw away the few things i had left of his. in a way im happy i broke nc because i wouldnt have had the strength to do it if i didnt know he was in a relationship.

i think my ex is an incredibly immature and selfish idiot. he is stringing me along and this other girl. im pretty sure she would not be happy with him "owing" his ex girlfriend of 7 years any dialogue at all. and its too painful for me to see or talk to him while he is seeing someone. i guess i got a small satisfaction out of seeing him crying and also knowing this has been sad and hard on him too because these have been the most stressful and depressing 6 months of my life but it doesnt change anything.

i would also add that he still tells me he doesnt think this break up is "permanent". it truly amazes me how selfish he has become. he used to be such an amazing boyfriend, always putting me first. now he's treated me like a puppet on a string and its 1000% my fault for allowing it. i now know for sure i do not want to contact him ever again at all. im cringing just thinking about the emotional letter he said i would receive from him over the weekend.

Just wanted to say, I think you are so strong for what you did. In fact, I wish I had your strength.

Your ex is being totally selfish and I know it's so cliche to say, but you are so much better off without him.

I have found sometimes breaking NC helps me the next time restarting it because you get to see first hand your ex has moved on and while painful it does help quash the false hopes of reconciliation. It helps if some time has gone by though, if it's early in the breakup I would def. Stay NC for a while, early on I went 30-40 days and that helped get over the hump. But it's been a year now and we have grown kids together so we text here and there a little about them and I see she's really moved on so it helps me move on too.

blueflames, thanks for the kind words. i tried to be patient and understanding about his want to date other people because we did get together so young but i just want to be done with all the drama honestly. me hearing that he's "exclusively dating" someone gave me the closure i really needed. i just don't want to deal with the situation anymore. im sick of talking about it and thinking about it and nothing else. keeping some hope got me through some really dark days at the beginning but i think hope is kind of dangerous. now that I've lost it i feel more free to let go.

kbbcoop77, i agree. i kept it for 7 weeks. i wouldnt have known if he was still seeing this girl had i not broke it. so im happy i know. also i was happy to see him emotional. he's seemed so fine throughout and i was glad to see he's been sad and conflicted too. but regardless his decision is to commit to this other girl and i think that will really help me move on.

Good luck to you, you'll make it !

Breakups suck but they do make you stronger...and be single for awhile, I have been for a year now and there really is advantages not dealing with someone else's drama and problems ...just live for you for a time.

NC Will save you, especially if you were with the ambivalent type, the type who really wont "end things", but simply try to drift off whilst keeping you as a "plan-B", the types who dole out breadcrumbs of hope and then you foolishly take the bait, which only serves to let them regain the upper hand.

I finally realized that I was falling for that tactic, and once I severed all ties, blocked all contact avenues and told myself that it was unfair and I deserved better, I finally started to heal.

Peace to all who suffer,

SJ