Upset, confused and can't tell his behaviour?

My boyfriend stood me up again this week, this isn't the first time, I had enough and told him it was over if he didn't text me by the end of the day. He didn't so I assumed that meant we are over, anyway I didn't text again and I rocked up unannounced at his as I need to get a lot back. He came out and said hello, but clearly seemed shocked. I then said you know why I'm here and he goes I don't want to talk about it right now, I say I don't care he goes if I wanted to talk about it I would've invited you over. Then he goes we will talk about things later and I said I just want my things back, he repeats I will talk to you later and shuts and locks the door. I'm upset and confused as to what's happening any insights appreciated

He's probably trying to avoid conflict. It's a very male thing to do, shut down and run away in the face of a potential disagreement. Maybe he's a bit confused about what happened and needs time to analyse both of your actions and figure out if it really is the end of you're just emotionally overheating.

Either way, I would respect his right to space for a few days. If you have things that are at his house, I would probably go as long as a week without texting him and see if he contacts you first and just relent the reigns and see what he decides to do or say.

How did he stand you up? Was it definitely intentional? Were you meeting alone or with friends? Was his attendance optional or did you have a date?

Need more info on this so I can understand whether he was being blatantly cruel or if there was possibly something else at play that caused him to do this.

He texted me on the Sunday and I asked him to come around the next day and he said he would, the next day i messaged him that day asking if he would be there for tea or after and he just never responded.

I was willing to accept it was over based on his actions so when I went around, I was amicable didn't shout or yell and just said can I at least get my things and he just replied we will talk later about things. Which confuses me because his actions tell me he doesn't want to be in this so why not just let me have my things

I was willing to accept it was over based on his actions so when I went around, I was amicable didn't shout or yell and just said can I at least get my things and he just replied we will talk later about things. Which confuses me because his actions tell me he doesn't want to be in this so why not just let me have my things

He may have had another woman there... just a thought...

Wait a few days...then contact him again asking when a good time for you to stop by and get your things..

If he refuses to return, that amounts to theft and you can have him arrested!

Feel free to tell him that too...if he refuses to let you retrieve your things..

I did consider that but I don't think that's the case his parents are home and they would've told me if someone else was there.

And what does he mean by we will talk about it later why just not let it be done then and there? He went from telling me he loved me last week and being loving and adoring to standing me up again

(Hummingbird98 Quotes) "I rocked up unannounced.."

"He came out...." "...but clearly seemed shocked"

"if I wanted to talk about it I would've invited you over"

"he repeats I will talk to you later and shuts and locks the door" (End Quotes)

of the things above make me think that he might have had someone there at his place that he didn't want you to see female maybe For example: "He came out.."- He came and met you outside his house as opposed to letting you come up to the door and knock like what normally would occur in a normal situation & "if I wanted to talk about it I would've invited you over"- In other words(..and in my humble opinion), he might as well have said- "You're not welcome here(..at least not at this time anyway") & "shuts and locks the door"- Seriously

There's nothing to talk about, the way he's treated you warrants you dumping him right away. The only conversation you need to have to him is "we are done, let me know a day and time I can come pick up my stuff".

The fact that he lives with his parents doesn't mean he couldn't have another girl over, and don't count on the parents to tell you the truth - it's their son we are talking about, of course they'll cover for him. It does sound as if he had someone in his room. And even if he didn't, when a boyfriend treats you like that, bailing on you and refusing to give you any explanation, it's game over, the relationship is done.

Leaving your things at his house and him telling you he will talk to you later does not amount to theft.

Stop texting him when you need to reach him. Use the phone as an actual phone. It leaves less top be interpreted. As in, "Hey, a-hole, when can I come over and get my stuff?"

Texting important stuff just seems so teenager-y.

I would think it more likely that he didn't want a drama filled diatribe to play out in front of his parents.

Leaving your things at his house and him telling you he will talk to you later does not amount to theft.

Read my post again.....I said if he REFUSES to allow her to retrieve her stuff later...THAT is theft. I work in criminal law..I know this.

He didn't "Refuse to allow her" ---- he told her she couldn't stop by uninvited (which is trespassing) and that they would talk about it.

He didn't "Refuse to allow her" ---- he told her she couldn't stop by uninvited (which is trespassing) and that they would talk about it.

Will you stop already.. geez! I said "IF he refuses. . Not that he already had refused.

Read the posts..

Well ----- by that logic, there are innumberable things he might do....that could be punishable. But since they are having a spat, I think we should wait and see OP's next post as to what has transpired before running off IF she could call the police!!! LOL

Well ----- by that logic, there are innumberable things he might do....that could be punishable. But since they are having a spat, I think we should wait and see OP's next post as to what has transpired before running off IF she could call the police!!! LOL

Well yeah ...duh...obviously she needs to wait to see if he actually refuses to return before she runs to police.

That's a no brainer...

You need to call on the phone and state clearly to him and/or to his parents if you reach them, "I am coming over to get my possessions. They belong to me and that's all I want. If I do not get them back I will take legal action. You have until (said date and time) to respond and I will stop by daily to get these things back until they returned to me. After that I will take further legal action."

Now, you do that only if the possessions you have at his house are anything massively expensive and/or irreplaceable. We're talking jewelry, computers, electronics, vehicles or rare antique expensive things. If it's something like a few CDs and a jacket then I'm sorry, you can still do the above but realize you probably won't be able to do much beyond maybe hiring an attorney to draft a letter to him and his parents requesting they return said items. Most cops and attorneys are going to tell you not to bother, but beyond that it's about what you can do.

Other idea is you sweetly show up with baked goodies, apologize and tell him you want to talk, gain entry to the house, then grab whatever it is you left and go. That could turn nasty though, so again it's something I might do if it was one or two items I cared about and thought I could get without him turning violent.

Anyways those are my solutions. And of course lesson learned: when someone stands you up without a plausible reason (car broke down, family member choked on a piece of shrimp, dog got hit by a car and we've been at the vets all night) then you dump them and move on. It's a clear sign someone can't be trusted and has zero manners.

Yeah...you showing up was quite a bit of drama...he probably just wanted to avoid that.

When I go through a break up that ends like that, I weigh the cost of the items against the drama/emotional expenditure. Usually I just have soap, moisturizer, hair elastics...and a few shirts at a guys house...so I just leave it. If the cost is under $100, I abandon my things for sake of sanity. If I left something special there, I just send a text and arrange for him to leave it outside at specific time so we don't have to meet...but most of my exes have dropped off my things without a conversation about it.

Leave it a few weeks. He knows you want your things, so he'll arrange it.

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I suspect your urgent need to retrieve your things is more of guise to force him to talk to you.

Check your motives here and seriously, do you need your things right this minute or can it wait?

He has told you he's not ready to talk yet you show up unannounced.

It's painful what someone stonewalling you and you are wanting answers.

But forcing him to do so when he's not ready will likely make things worse.

Hello all thankyou for your replies some more info on the situation.

His parents did say I could come outside I was the one who requested he come out to me because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of anyone.

The reason I rocked up unannounced was because a time this happened before he told me to come around and get my things whenever I was ready calling my bluff.

This time it was because I was sick of the games and it was partly to try and talk about things, he wouldn't answer my texts or pick up the phone. His not wanting to talk about things isn't unusual, what usually happens is we have a fight he will ignore me knowing I will end up saying sorry and getting upset. So it was different this time by me going there and making a stand.

Threatening to get your things before...just means that this has happened before.

So...instead of apologizing again and allowing the cycle to repeat itself again...get your stuff at a mutually agreed upon time and get out of the relationship.

Yes I agree I just wish we could've done it last night because now I feel like I will get to a point of being somewhat over it and then a text will come and it will just make me hurt all over again

If it had happened last night...he could still send a text after you calmed down and nothing would change.

You can't keep threatening to break up...get your things...and keep accepting the same behavior. If you have no boundaries...you become the girl who cried wolf and he will never change because you will never leave him.

And I would let my stuff go for my own sanity but it's sentimental things and over 200 dollars worth of DVDs that I want back