How to become more relaxed and chill?

Hi,

I would really appreciate advice from ENA members as it always have been so helpful to me. The issue that I want to address in myself is that I want to become less stressed and too serious and uptight about my life, myself, work, relationships. The thing is that I am a really serious and probably too much emotional person. It doesn't help me in my life. I mean it has some advantages, as being serious has helped me to get good grades, go abroad to study and get a job finally. But I'm really suffering because I take everything too seriously, every person that I could date I take them too seriously and become attached too much, my work, I become too stressed. Every life event is dramatic and full of emotion for me. I wish I had some creative side in me to let out all this drama and emotion I am capable of. It is seriously draining for me and is bad for the quality of my life. How can I be more relaxed and chill? How can I see that yes life is complicated but simple at the same time? Why do I make things harder for me? Why do I care too much? Why do I feel so much?

PLease constructive advice, a real cry for help

CBT helped me - most stuff like meditation or saunas are temporary fixes that keep anxiety and fears at bay rather than confront it. In fact it might even distress you when anxiety is intense.

A general exercise is to let negative thoughts pass - acknowledge them, don't fight them and just let them pass. Another is the worry time exercise (look it up). But talking it through with a counsellor until you get something good going is best. Whatever way you do it, you probably need to challenge the beliefs that cause your anxiety. You probably don't need any of this hypervigilence for good grades or anything else. I'd doubt advice here will be as useful as counselling.

The tricky bit is finding a counsellor you'll click with - sometimes it'll just work, but some counsellors you won't click with, others use very indirect confrontational methods you mightn't be ready for. In most of these cases there's nothing wrong with the counsellor, sometimes you go in expecting it to be like visiting a doctor, but sometimes you'll just plain old come accross idiots that shouldn't be in the profession (words of a counsellor friend, not mine), so be prepared to research and shop around.

I tried CBT, but found it really hard to keep remembering to apply it. What you need is to spend time developing yourself. Someone who wont disappoint you And, if I could suggest, the next person you should date should be a solid, honest person- really straight up. I went thorough a string of guys who "stressed me out," and really it wasn't me, it was them. Or, it was only my fault for choosing "players."

I don't know the type of person you usually go for, but why not make honesty a "must have" quality. Honesty before looks and other things. Bonus if they happen to also be good looking, but don't make this the main trait you go for.

You could also take up a sport or interest and go to the gym/ go for a jog. Being exhausted does wonders for lowering stress levels. Funny the thing that got me to be less uptight was the death of my father. After I watched him die of cancer, nothing seemed stressful in comparison.

I'm the opposite ...everything is meaningles for me at the deep point... I dont take a meeting with my professor that serious and dont practice for it. I postpone doing serious things...It makes me feel really bad...I see how people try for their job...like my flatmate..how can she stay up late and carry lots of stress for her job? I feel numb...

From my point of view I cant say: Try to look at eveythings from above...nothing is worth for it to be angry, sad etc.... let every thing go as it is....

and meditate

I get that way. I can tell you what I do ~

First, Tai Chi. I have a DVD that I do at home a couple of days a week. I don't like the gym because everyone's high energy increases my stress, so I prefer to do things at home. It also lets me do things within my constantly-changing schedule...so I'm not sitting at work stressing because I won't make a 6:30pm class. Tai Chi forces me to slow down, and breathe. It's really annoying. I'm laughing but it's true. When I first turn the DVD on, I just want to rush through because I've got other things to do. Then I realize that I'm missing the point, and I make myself slow down. After about 5 minutes, I'm in the groove. I get a lovely, slow, relaxing stretch-and-strengthen session and I feel good afterwards.

Another thing I do is narrow my focus. If I'm making a cup of tea, I focus on that. I enjoy the color of my tea kettle, the smell of the tea leaves, the color of brewed tea, the pleasant sound of the spoon against my cup....I take in everything I like and I make it an event.

Now, I'm soooo good at narrowing my focus after years of practice that I often miss things going on around me. I wouldn't spot a fire truck driving through my living room...but the narrow focus does help to soothe me.

I hike occasionally. I don't go with anyone else because they either want to go fast, or they want to talk, or they don't have the patience while I examine everything. I only go for an hour or two at most. I'm not sure why, but I run into animals and reptiles and birds everywhere I go. This is what I want to examine. It's a whole different world happening at my feet, so I stand perfectly still and let them run around me. I can watch birds migrating for hours - it's mesmerizing. I wonder about these creatures and their lives....and the stress of my own life vanishes for a while.

I knit. I sew. I cross-stitch. I cook new recipes or attempt to perfect old ones. I re-finish old furniture. I'm starting a dollhouse soon. I don't want a dollhouse, so I'll give it away to a charity auction, but I want to build one. I will be starting a bit of container gardening next weekend, now that I have a patio. I bought a quilt kit and will be taking lessons on that. One day I will learn how to make candles (not the stupid microwave ones), and also soap. I love the feeling of creating something with my own hands. I also have an extremely strong love of color, and although that's never translated into a career for me, my mind is always fascinated by colors I see - my boss's shirt, changing leaves, different colored cars parked side by side, crayons...

I have grown to love watching my own hands try something new. They tremble and are awkward at first. I produce some sad-looking things. But I know if I persevere, my hands will become adept, and I will eventually create beautiful things. I know that I can take that lesson and apply it to everything in my life.

I've learned to quit apologizing for what I like. Knitting is not exactly admired or sought after, but it appeals to me on many levels. try this article : link removed

Actively search for what soothes you. I enjoy watching the sun on water. I like warm blankets on a cold night. When I'm super stressed, I like melted cheese on anything (lol). Find your own rituals. Hot baths with terrific salts and candles, or a night you dedicate to cooking up your favorite foods.

If you feel deeply, you will always feel deeply. But it doesn't own you. You can find ways to comfort yourself, to regain your balance.

Why does it work? It gives me lots of things to think about instead of bills, deadlines, family illness, etc. It makes hours positive instead of spent worrying. It allows me to mentally and emotionally step away, and escape into something else. This is huge for me because it means I'm not as driven over every little thing. After practicing this, I've become pretty good at being able to distance myself from situations that I can't impact, simply by imagining a new project or color combinations or a new hiking path, or how would some rosemary on my fish taste.

If you're interested in crafting, look at Pinterest and see what is appealing to you. In the article I linked, knitting is what appealed to her (and to me). You might prefer working with wood or metal or egg cartons (lol). It doesn't matter what it is - what matters is that you are drawn to it. Creativity is giving yourself permission to break rules, to not be hampered by anyone, to allow yourself to run free - just like when you were 5 years old. At the same time, the repetition with productive results has been proven to calm anxiety and even rage.

My job hired a coach who taught us that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. If you want to break an old habit, don't try to will it away, but rather replace it with a new habit.

Write a list of habits you want to change. It can be a running list that you add to, but the goal is to only work on one habit at a time--and don't combine habits into a giant problem.

So the first thing I decided to change is the habit of running a critical voice in my own head. I opted to replace it with a kind, supportive and encouraging voice. This changed everything for me, because it changed my perceptions and my approach to problem solving.

Try it for 21 days, and see if your experience isn't more enjoyable--and notice whether you become a lot more fun to be around.