My girlfriend told me that she's grown cold and complacent towards me.

My girlfriend and I have been in a caring, loving relationship for the past 4 years. Within the past 7 months, I started noticing her becoming gradually cold and distant towards me. There became a lack of affection in our communication and this was puzzling to me since I never did anything to cause this sort of behavior on her side. I brought it up to her back in June and whether she wanted to talk about it but she blamed it on work and that i was not the problem. Granted, she suffers from bipolar depression and has recently been going through a rough patch in her career (lawyer) and has been super busy and not had the time to prioritize our relationship. On top of it all, she's been living at home and is currently about to move to an apartment closer to work. Because of her current living situation, I've only been able to see her once week and a majority of our communication has been through text/phone. So naturally, out of fear of letting her slip away, I started planning concerts, special dates, and other outings for us to go to. While she was appreciative, this didn't help the situation much and hasn't reciprocated any of my efforts.

Fast forward to two nights ago when I saw her and she commented how my face looked skinnier and more "sunken" in. I told her it was due to my own stress at work and the fact that I barely get to see her anymore is making me feel depressed. She agreed that this was a problem and how her job has been taking precedence over our relationship. I casually mentioned how much easier it can be in the future is we were both married/living together and were able to pull together our resources to make a decent life for ourselves and that we can be there for each other in times of stress and difficulty. That's when she became silent, looking sad and told me that thinking about the future scares her... She doesn't know whats going to happen and that she's not ready at this point to get married. She started crying and began apologizing for what a horrible and unattentive, unaffectionate girlfriend she's been towards me. She said that I deserve better than her and that I'm by far better than anyone she's ever dated or been in a long term relationship with. She said that I've been very supportive and attentive to her needs while she's been cold and that she doesn't blame me if I hated her. She also isn't sure why but she's just been feeling very numb and complacent towards me and not talking about it for 7 months has made it worse and that she's afraid it's too late to get back to the same feelings she used to have. She said she's not happy, feels depressed and down, work has been taking over her life and that she didn't want to break the relationship and wanted to take a wait and see approach, saying maybe it'll get better, maybe it won't. She also mentioned how what we have now doesn't feel like a relationship, all the while she told me how much she loves and cares for me and that I'm the best thing to have happened to her.

I, in turn told her that hating her is nonsense and that I still love her and am not going anywhere. I also mentioned how when she moves to her new apt. in a couple weeks, that might change her mode and that we will be able to see each other more after work.

My current approach has been to pull back a little and not initiate contact until she does it first, which she did yesterday, the day after our talk. I figure by doing so, maybe she'll feel the lack of my presence and hopefully snap out of it. I'm trying to convey, coolness, confidence and control in the meantime. All the while, I feel broken and gutted inside.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Tough spot to be in. Sounds like her feelings are dying and it's really hard to jump start a relationship at that stage

Would she be willing to try couples counseling?

Thing is, it takes two to tango and if she isn't willing to meet you half way, whatever you do doesn't matter. If she's always busy and not willing to make your relationship a priority it will be impossible to save.

She didn't seem receptive to the idea when i brought it up. She just seemed emotionally dead toward me and uncertain/confused as to whether things will go back to normal... At this point, I'd rather have a limb cut off than go through the emotional pain I'm going through... Trying really hard to remain calm and not text her even though we never really "broke up" Feel lost and not sure how to approach this. I'm helping her move into her new apartment in a couple weeks as well.

She didn't seem receptive to the idea when i brought it up. She just seemed emotionally dead toward me and uncertain/confused as to whether things will go back to normal... At this point, I'd rather have a limb cut off than go through the emotional pain I'm going through... Trying really hard to remain calm and not text her even though we never really "broke up" Feel lost and not sure how to approach this. I'm helping her move into her new apartment in a couple weeks as well.

Its time to go. The feelings are gone and my bet is she is holding on until AFTER you help her move to finish it for good. Never waste free moving help.