left addict boyfriend but am having trouble being alone

so my boyfriend I broke up today, it was a huge scene and has left a huge mess

I'm 25 he's 27. we were together for 2 years and 4 months. he was great in the beginning. I always knew about his problem but never dated an addict before so I didn't think much of it. things were damn near perfect for 6 months or so until he lost his "connect" and didn't have a supply of opiates constantly. we loved each other and worked it out and fought constantly. he was selfish and childish and a liar. he would steal from me and lie about It. he would lie about anything. but still we continued fighting and working it out until I had enough and stood up for myself and kicked him out. we first moved in together after almost a year together and we had a house together.

it hurts the worst at night and I just needed to vent. I just feel like we've built this home together and he left me and a huge mess. he got high on opiates and drunk and we got in a huge fight and he moved his stuff out to his moms. I hate him for doing this to me but I miss him and want to feel close to him again.

I know I don't deserve this but I still feel so sad and alone now.

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. If the breakup just happened today then you do have a very long road to healing. However, you will survive. My relationship with my ex ended about a year and a half ago. I made a few mistakes, there were so MANY days and nights where I felt alone, so many. There were so many "downs" during that time. But now I'm completely over him, moved on and although I still think about him, he doesn't take up that much room in my head and my thoughts are mostly indifferent rather than anything positive or negative.

Just know that it's completely normal to be feeling sad and alone right now. We've all been there and if this is really day one, then it will be difficult but you'll make it through. Many of us on ENA have and are much better for it.

Hi guys! Thanks for opening, just want some unbiased advice. So I've been dating my boyfriend since march. He is the best looking boyfriend I've ever had. I usually don't go for looks and all my bfs in the past have been ok but not super hot like my current bf.

My boyfriend that I've been with since march is easily the best looking person I've ever been with. By far.

 

But the fact still remains. He is hot! Like really hot. And I'd say 100% of girls agree. I love seeing girls stare and flirt when we go out cause those girls also see me walk in with him and leave with him.

I said that when he takes benzos like Xanax or Valium he's super forgetful and foggy, he has no

Prescription so yeah it's illegals, but I just told him it bothers me and he can't remember stuff from 10 min ago and it's annoying. That's what started the whole thing tonight. He storms off.

Says I don't trust him. He was very angry earlier cause he said I didn't trust him yet he left our apt and lied to me on the phone and said he was at his moms and going inside and shutting his phone off. He is not there he just admitted he was sleeping in his car down the street. How does one get mad about trust but continue to lie?

if 2 people fight alot, does that mean we arent meant to be or that we really are working at it? i want to stop fighting but i love him, and its so hard for us to not try to fight with each other

 

i cannot bring up anything to him because he takes it personal and shuts off and runs away or turns it around.

When we first met he was on opioids all the time, suboxone, methadone, oxys. and that was fine to me, he never got super high or belligerant and as far as i knew always told me when he was on them and made me trust him with them. things were fine.

 

around sept, oct, he tried to stop doing them and had withdrawals for a few days but started only taking them once a week or once a couple weeks. and like i said, i was fine with it. he always told me and i trusted him with them. i was never out to change anyone here, and ive told him that so many times. i knew he was on it since day 1. i even made a joke last week saying how we fought less when he was taking methadones all the time and maybe he should start doing them again.

 

so today, i get home from work at 1 pm and he has today off. he was acting all goofy and i kept asking what he was on and what he did that morning. he said all he did was take a xanax and went to pay bills and go to his moms. i can always tell by his eyes when hes on pain killers so i kept asking all day, saying things like thats funny xanax shouldnt last this long blah blah blah

 

anyway, he nods off at about 8 pm and i look to his phone (which he knows about) and went to look for a text between him and his friend who goes to the methadone clinic. i went to work at 8 am and he met up with this friend and went to the methadone clinic to try and get enrolled in the program with him. when it didnt work he just went and bought some oxys from one of this friends connects. he lied about everything he had done this morning and being high on pk's all day.

 

if he lies about that, what else can he lie about?? the worst part is he tried to turn it around on me, like always, and said things like i wouldnt lie if u wouldnt look down on me for doing it.

Let me first say that my youngest son's "father" is an addict. So I know some of what you're going through. I don't believe in candy coating anything, so this may sound harsh. It's meant to be a wake up call.

He is an addict and you are an enabler. He lies because he's an addict. Plain and simple. Addicts lie to everyone, even themselves. Why are you willing to put up with that? Going to work all day while he pills it up, probably using your money to buy them. That is not okay. My ex was on oxys. They are highly addictive and he started shooting up very fast on those. Unlike you I wasn't "okay" with drugs, not even pot. The only roads drugs lead to are 1 Jail and 2 Dead.

You really need to raise your standards and work on your self esteem. I know, I was there. It's okay to have deal breakers.

My boyfriend thinks it's okay to flirt while he's in a relationship, I don't, I feel like there's no need. He said as long as nothing more happens it's okay. I look at it like he's just inflating his ego and likes the attention which I feel u shouldn't even need in a relationship

So last summer my boyfriend and I of 2 years were arguing a lot and not getting along very well, during this time he was meeting new girls and flirting with them, getting their numbers, and hanging out with them on the weekends, going to get drunk with them and I feel like he was looking for new "prospects"

 

Well we fought thru it and got over it and he hasn't done it since but I am having trouble coming to terms with him acting like this while in a relationship. He didn't physically cheat but I told him I think emotional cheating is almost just as bad.

so I need help. my boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 yrs and live together. we have gotten into some fights here and there but we have always loved each other and cared about each other and remained faithful.

 

lately we have been fighting every single night. it's been about a week. every night he overreacts and freaks out and shuts me out. the worst part about this is that he gets mad over a misunderstanding or takes something I say the wrong way so when I try to explain to him what I meant he shuts me out and immediately starts an argument saying I'm the one who started it and he won't even listen to me. every argument is an end all be all.

 

he struggles with opiate addiction and depression and he's very sensitive and will get in these moods where he is angry about everything and every question I ask him about his day he thinks are "loaded questions" or I'm being accusatory. it's like I can't win.

So, he's used drugs since you met him, emotionally cheated on you, blows up discussions into fights, has spit in your face, shuts down on you and runs away, and blames you for everything.

I think you should be very happy to be rid of him.

I also can't help but wonder if the fact he is so hot is the reason you've been giving him a pass for two years of bad behavior.

You miss the emotional comfort of a living breathing body; you don't miss him though you may think you do.

Whatever you do, don't take another shot of him or you start all the way back over at zero. He's become your drug, you have to go clean.

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your loss, perhaps things will one day get better, but being that you decided to date an addict who I believe you said was in active addiction, you were setting yourself up for emotional pain, and probably lots of it. From my understanding, it's best if you want to date and eventually open your heart to an addict, to wait until the person has approx 1 year being clean and sober, and is also very well practicing their recovery. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but I don't know of any solutions for you, except to know that time will in fact heal.

Ms Darcy pretty much covered all the bases you should be looking at to be THANKFUL you're out of this.

You are far too young to be wrapped up in someone with so many issues. Looks fade, dear; please don't base all of your decisions in relationships on them.

You need to accept that you will feel lonely and sad for awhile, but use whatever strength you have to keep this loser at the curb.... right where he belongs.

the feeling of being lonely is natural, you must try as hard as you can to stay busy. Opiate addiction only get's worse with time, all the problems you described will not disappear just get worse. Your only alternative is to give an ultimatum, seek treatment and you stay if not you go. Don't be surprised if he chooses opiates, they are the worst to be addicted to. Don't let him back with the promise of treatment, he must be in treatment. You can support him through treatment but it all comes down to him. Very few people quit opiates for someone or something else, it has to come from within them. Remember this, if you take him back with his addiction it will get worse, if he can no longer support his habit he will steal from you, his family, your family, his friends. Think of this, explaining to your parents why your boyfriend stole their money or belongings. Don't go there, have him seek active treatment or leave.