father passed away this week...and CAN'T BELIEVE my ex right now

My father passed away unexpectedly friday morning...i am so shocked and heartbroken right now! i can't believe!...... this right now is truly my greatest loss...

i texted my ex the day after he died, on saturday with the news because i felt i needed to tell her due to her meaning alot to me still, even though she hasn't met either of my parents yet...shes heartbroken for me and can't believe i'm going through this right now and says she is here for me for anything i need, to talk, company, anything i'd need help with, ect

shes text me asking how i'm doing, i've texted her a few times...have i brought up us/the relationship a few times? yeah, i guess...and yeah, she is still set on not wanting to try again and that she doesn't love me anymore, despite how much she still cares for me and wishes she felt the same still...but i've been willing lately to want friendship and especially during this time i'm going through, and she was willing as well because she really wanted to be there for me...well i'm texting her tonight, don't even bring up the relationship, texted her something about my dad first, then said something about me really wanting the friendship and then she decides that maybe it isn't best to try that because it seems i still have feelings and it wouldn't be fair and that now she wishes she could be there for me but can't because of it, and is still so sorry for my loss, ect....this totally hurt and devistated me that she said and decided this...you don't say something like that to someone who is suffering a loss...you don't tell someone you're here for them for anything they need, and then decide not to be, and why? because shes worried about whatever feelings there still might be? i didn't even talk about us tonight, i was talking about the friendship...

so then she starts the whole "we should really say goodbye for real now" thing with me again, even while i'm going through this, and goes on about how great the relationship was and how much she loved how we were, ect...i say again, you don't just say you're going to be there for someone who just suffered a huge loss and then decide that you're not, and added but if thats the kind of person you are, then idk what to say...and after said that she went "seriously? ok im done, goodbye, like no more texts" and told me shes blocking my number because she is tired of the back and forth stuff, which im tired of too, and that she was being honest and trying to do what she thinks is right, i can think whatever i want, good night and goodbye...i said if saying you're there for someone you care about whos grieving a sudden huge loss and then deciding you're not going to be anymore is a "right thing to do" to you, then i'm at a loss for words...and that was it

i can't tell how hurt i am right now...im already hurt and devistated enough that my father was taken from me 6 days ago, but for her to treat me like this right now? its heart wrenching!!! i want my dad back, i miss my dad so much i can't even begin to tell you, and she goes and turns this around and treats me like this...maybe i shouldnt have reached out to her, at first i wasnt going to but i felt i needed to let her know since i still care for her alot,and no i wasn't using this situation to try to get her to come back, so i hope no one thinks that, i even told her that....but the fact that this is what shes decided to do now to me, i can't begin to describe that hurt...this is the worst hurt i've gotten from her, worse then any break up shes planted on me....

First and foremost, I am very sorry for your loss.

I think that because you have brought up the relationship at all when you have been confiding in your ex, it looks a little like you have taken advantage of the ability to reach her and gain her support. She has stood strong and told you she is there for you, and perhaps bringing relationship issues into it has given the wrong impression that you think she is there for you in a romantic sense. You can be angry at your ex, but you can't deny the fact that bringing your relationship issues into the text conversation was a little inappropriate given the circumstances.

If you still have feelings for her, this may be coming out in your texts and your ex may feel pressured to play 'the girlfriend' role again in order to comfort you over your father.

You must have plenty of friends and family around you, particularly at this time. Perhaps it was a little too soon to start seeking comfort from your ex, even in this time of need

I know I probably shouldn't have brought us up, but It's not like I was begging for her back or convincing her to come back, just brought up some memories, that she was on my mind at his memorial get together because I wished she was there there, it's not like I was talking non stop about us while talking about my dad , that is totally and was the main focal point!

I'm very sorry about your loss.

I still have both of my parents, but I broke up with my first love about 3 weeks ago. It does not compare with loosing a parent, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. That kind of grief is similar, it's a terrible thing to happen, but it does happen to everyone at some point and you'll make it through it.

My advice to you would be to surround yourself with people who you know you can depend on. Your closest family and friends whom you're certain you can confide in, talk to them, be with them. It will make you feel better to be with those you can trust completely. It only happened a week ago, so you're still going through the worst of it right now, but it will get better. Hang in there.

I don't think an ex is the right sort of person to be approaching at a time like this. You might feel that love of some sort would help you through the grief of loosing your father. I hate to say it but I think rekindling a relationship on these grounds is a bad idea. There is a reason you two broke up, and it will come up again regardless of the tragedy that just happened.

Don't pursue anything right now. If she wants to comfort you, it's up to you if you let her, but your primary source of comfort should be your family and best friends. Don't let her dictate how you feel about your loss. It's not her loss.

I wish you all the best. Hang in there. This will pass with time, even though you might not think so right now.

i did want her to comfort me and help me, and it meant a lot talking to her about it, but she decided it was best to change her mind about being there for me, I told her how I felt about that and how you shouldn't do that to someone going through this , and her response was that she is just done with this back and forth and says she's blocking my number so don't have to continue to do so, and yeah...I'm at a loss for words right now, as if I'm not hurting enough as it is!

But now that this has happened , I'm also mad at myself really for reaching out to her now in the first place , even though I felt I needed too... Should've stuck to not doing so I guess...

But now that this has happened , I'm also mad at myself really for reaching out to her now in the first place , even though I felt I needed too... Should've stuck to not doing so I guess...

You KNOW it was a mistake to turn to your ex. She's not a person who's capable of being there for you. And it's wrong to use your father's passing as an excuse to re-connect with her.

Turn to your TRUE friends and family to help you through this time of bereavement. This is a major event in your life -- but you can't expect that it will UN-DO your breakup, or turn your ex into the kind of person you need her to be. She's not going to take back the breakup or suddenly start having feelings for you that no longer exist. She's not going to suddenly start putting your feelings and needs before her own -- because that's something she's incapable of.

Expecting this woman to BE THERE for you now is like expecting to be able to buy orange juice at the hardware store. It's just not available.

Please focus on being with the people in your life who truly MATTER right now, these are the people you need to hold close.....

I'm very sorry about your dad's passing.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I was in a similar position to your ex with my now ex husband, during our separation his mother passed away.

And his instinct was to immediately try to cling to me. I discouraged it. While it might seem cruel - it's really not healthy for YOUR sake if she didn't try to maintain some distance when she has no intention of getting back together with you. And though I doubt it's your intent - I know when my ex brought the relationship into it - it felt like emotional blackmail. Not a good feeling.

Lean on friends and family. Find a support group to give you an outlet. But I strongly, strongly encourage you to NOT do what you'd like to and lean on your ex. Grief and guilt are a bad foundation for any kind of friendship or relationship - and as long as you still want to be with her when she doesn't want to be with you - it's awkward at best for her to try and offer support and maintain boundaries.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say I can totally understand the need to reach out to her, after all you once loved eachother and she WAS there for you back then. But she is clearly a changed person now, one that doesn't care enough anymore to really be there in actions not just words. I think she may have been pressured by the fact RS issues were brought up, but that still isn't a good excuse to treat you like this. She should have put her own needs aside for a moment and think about yours. That is, if she still cared. But she didn't, she chose her own feelings above yours and that is enough for you to acknowledge the person who loved you is no longer there.. Turn to other people for support bc I am afraid you will get so much more hurt.

Hang in there.

Using your dad's death as a mean to get your ex back? Wow. I fully understand the way she reacted. This was 100% your decision, and you tricked her into thinking you could be her friend when you still want more... Please I understand that you must feel utterly heartbroken, but you brought the matter with your ex upon your own shoulders, and wallow in selfpity when she figured out what your contact was truly all about... You need tl go to friends and family for comfort, not your ex. Shes an ex for a reason, and she is no longer a part of your life, no matter how much you meant for eachother or how deep your connection was. You need to go fully NC, as you deserve a girl who is truly there for you and can love you fully - this girl is not capable of doing so.

I know I probably shouldn't have brought us up, but It's not like I was begging for her back or convincing her to come back, just brought up some memories, that she was on my mind at his memorial get together because I wished she was there there, it's not like I was talking non stop about us while talking about my dad , that is totally and was the main focal point!

It's not only how you go about it which matters, it's also your intentions! And if you're completely honest with yourself both you (and obviously she) know why you brought up those memories.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

But from my perspective, it kind of seems as if you were hoping she would come back to you because you lost your father. And that's plain wrong.

Emotional blackmail rarely works. And in this case, certainly backfired on you.

i didn't mean to be a means to try and get her back, i really didn't...i felt i needed to tell someone who is still important to me and i did, at first i wasn't going to, but deep down i felt i should...yeah i shouldn't have brought us up the few times that i did, but it wasn't my intent to try and win her back...i told her that i was even accepting of a friendship, but she doesn't want to lead me on....her and i talked alittle more today, and was telling me that, that she really does still care for me, but the fact that i still have some feelings, she thinks maybe its best we don't do the friendship thing afterall because she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, and especially if she were to get into a relationship again, and i understand where shes coming from with that i guess, and appreciate that she doesn't want to hurt me any farther especially given the hurt i'm already going through...

i want my father back most of all, and i've had great company and everything from my best friends and family especially, i thought reaching to her was a good thing to do i guess considering shes still important to me, and she is glad that i did reach out, cause she knows and told me she'd do the same, and i'd be there for her too if need be, but i guess shouldn't have reached out in the first place....