Very lost and low -- years of heart ache -- need some advice

Hi, Im very new to this and havn't posted anything like this before, but I'm in desperate need of some good honest advise. I've been reading posts for weeks now and I love how so many people are so supportive to everyone. It's given me some courage to tell my horrible situation.

I apologise in advance because I think this is going to be lengthy. I want to be honest and explain everything so I can get some honest helpful advise. If you have the time to read this im truly grateful.

You will probably feel like your reading a script from Jeremy Kyle... I've never posted anything online because I'm so embarrassed.

Ok so I first met my ex girlfriend at school when I was 12. I'm now nearly 22. We have been on and off more times than i care to remember. Through school and up until we left college we were best friends and loved each other very much. She was my rock and the person I could talk about anything with even at the age of 17 I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl. I know at such a young age it seems sillyto be in love but I really was and have been ever since.

Anyway all hell started when I we came back from a family holiday to Turkey in 2010. My mother began to drink a lot and ended up having an online affair with a turkish man. I honestly think she had a mid life crisis. The family and even my dad knew she was talking to people online but she would always say it was just friendly convo. Till one day when I set her msn to save copies of her conversations... I found out the truth. At 17 reading your mothers msn conversations to another man... not very nice. She was buying a man presents and sending him money and even planned to move to Turkey.

After this my parents went through a rocky phase but decided to work on their marriage and are still together now. The whole situation affect me. Being a teenager and full of raging hormones. I ended up having so many arguements with parents to the point where I would have a physical fight with my dad. I would never go for my dad I would only shout but when he used to go for my Id fight back.

You might be wondering what the hell this has to do with my break-up but keep reading please...

My ex would always be there for me and I would tell her everything. After another heated argument with my parents they kicked me out. They cleared my room out and put all my stuff in black bin bags. At 17 I was homeless. I went to my ex's house and of course I had no option but to explain to her parents what had happened. The following day after staying at my ex's house her mother went to my aunties house to ask what was going on and if my mother was an alcoholic and if she really had kicked me out. Word got back to my mother that I had told my ex's parents everything.

After a week or two I went back to my parents house as I couldn't live with my ex's parents. From that moment my mother had a vendetta against my ex and she was NEVER allowed to come round the house anymore. My mother didn't like anyone knowing her business especially it being so personal. As the time I was so young and thought I was doing the right thing in telling them.

I was heart broken at 17 I had no money, no car and I was never allowed to see my ex again unless i wanted to be homeless. No matter how many times I tried to explain to my mother that it was me who was to blame she wouldn't accept it and would blame my ex.

For 2 years I went on seeing my ex in private and without my parents knowledge until it got too much for her and she could no longer see a future in us. We were forced to split. I don't blame her I can't imagine the pain she felt my mother was being a wicked cruel person when really it was me to blame.

Anyway we went 2 months without speaking and my ex went on to dated two people in this time. (also slept with them) I was heart broken but she came back to me as she truly loved me and said she was just trying to replace me. I forgave her and understood why she did it.

If your still reading this thank you. I needed to tell you the background because now is the up to date part.

Eventually after saving money and getting a good job I moved out and rented a place with a friend in March 2013. The only way for me to have a relationship with my ex was to move out and to disown my family so we could be happy. After not talking to my family for a while my mother decided to come back and to apologise. She wanted to re connect with me. By then it was too late because my ex had built up such hatred towards her that they were NEVER going to see eye to eye. All the time that I was not speaking with my family me and my ex were were so happy and in love

Anyway In december 2013 my mother said she would apologise to my ex for everything, and that she wanted to take me away to Cuba with the family. I accepted and went to Cuba but she never apolgised. My ex and my mother met but my mother said "lets just forget about it and start again". All I wanted was a happy family but my ex couldn't accept this as my mother never actually said the words "I'm sorry".

To cut this shorter my ex, the love of my life, couldn't deal with the family issue anymore as it caused so much stress in her life. Even after all the I'd been through with my family I still had hope everything would be ok so I stayed in contact with them. This forced my ex away again and now I really think I've lost her. She says she doesn't love me anymore and shes happier without me.

I havn't spoken much about me and my ex's realtionship as I dont want this thread to go on forever but we really were in love and deep down I know if my family wasn't involved we could be happy again. I have told me ex I want to disown my family to be with her but she won't let me as she says she could never ask me to do that.

My problem is I know I can learn to live without my ex because I want her to be happy. And if finding someone else can make her happy then so be it. I love her enough to let her go and find someone else. But how can I live with my family when all they remind me of is how they ruined my relationship and made me lose the love of my life.

I wish I could explain this better so hats off to anyone that can understand my writing.

Except that her family, your family are both involved.

And in part, that is because of boundaries that have been crossed.

And dealing with your family causes your ex too much stress --- and too much stress can sever the bonds of love.

You become an adult, move out of your house, and get a job.

In time, as an independent young man, you will find love and happiness again.

Let your ex go so that she can find happiness.

You stop letting your family interfere in your life by distancing yourself from them, in miles and time and contact if you have to. You've given them how many chances now and I don't see that they kept their word to you on anything. So I'm not really sure there's anything to forgive, so much as you acknowledge exactly what and who they are--flawed human beings just like everyone else you'll live with in life. And you decide exactly how much or what, if any contact and control you want to give them. For instance when she didn't apologize to your ex, you should have hopped the next flight out with the ex and told your mom you never wanted to see her again if she couldn't even apologize like the adult she was. As a child and teenager you had no say so in how or what they did, but as an adult you do. And you don't repeat the mistakes you made with your ex with the next woman in your life, meaning you keep your family at arm's length and if necessary you cut them off altogether.

I know that's a harsh thing to do, but your mother has got serious issues. I'm a mother and I would never, ever treat anyone like she did--even if I don't or didn't like the girl. I am a firm believer in the fact that while I raise my kids it's not up to me to interfere unless they're doing something illegal. So yes, I can and sometimes do grit my teeth over their choices in friends and dates, but I shut up because it's not my place to choose for them. I have to trust that I raised them well enough that they can take over captaining their own ships.

Create a good life for yourself and remember you can't choose the family you were born into, but you can choose the family you create through friends and loved ones.