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Thread: Should i keep chasing my ex, or give up?

  1. #1
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    Should i keep chasing my ex, or give up?

    My ex girlfriend and I have broken up 4 times in the past year with her being the dumper each time...this is her first relationship, but not mine.... and this time around (the 4th break up) it's been longer. It's been 4 months now, where as in the 1st and 2nd one, we were back together in 5 days, the 3rd one, back together in a month and a half (not to mention she was talking to herself alot during this break up) but this time around, i once again initiated no contact as usual thinking she'd contact me sooner rather than later, 3 months went by and she still hadn't contacted me...BUT we remain friends on facebook, and she will like and briefly comment on posts of mine every now and then during as well, once the 3 month mark hit, i built up the nerve enough to message her on facebook...she was receptive and everything, but as talks about the relationship began, she starting stressing that we should move on and maybe not talk, to make things easier for both of us...i must add, shes done this in previous break ups, so is obviously the kind of person who doesn't live up to what she says sometimes...she did tell me how she really did miss me, and missed everything, and wished she could hug and see me for just even one night, but that it couldn't happen...even told me that she went on one date(though it technically wasn't a date) shortly after this recent break up to keep her mind off things and to kinda compare guys to me, and i didn't work because the guy wasn't as awesome as me and didn't compare, she also told me that at her new job shes become friends with a guy she works with with the same name as i, and who she actually thought was cute and compared him to me too, but that even he didn't compare to me and she lost interest in him because of it....a week or two later, i messaged her again on facebook, right away stressing that we shouldn't talk, but what does she do? talks to me anyways, she could've very easily deleted me off facebook and/or ignored my message, but she kept talking...she added that since i last messaged her a week or two ago, she could not stop thinking of me...i actually sent her a "hi, how are you" text message a few nights previous, but apparently she had changed her number a few months ago because she changed carriers, and before i even had the chance to ask for the new number, she threw it out at me no problem, though she added "only use it for emergencies, you can't just randomly text me "hi"...which i thought bull...anyways, more talk about the relationship and feelings, and she kept stressing the whole "we shouldn't talk thing" and she had to go....a week later, now having her new phone number, i sent her a text message this time saying "hi"...and once again, she was receptive and actually talked to me...didn't play the "we shouldn't talk/we should me on" card, we actually had a conversation and enjoyed it...and then she even asked to meet up at a park that we used to hang out at and is special to us kinda...so we meet up, talk and catch up, i make her laugh and everything which she loves and is always easy to do because she loves my sense of humor...i was quite nervous on the way there, but it went away when we saw each other, and it was the first time seeing her in almost 4 months...before leaving, we hugged and held each other for probably 15 minutes straight...and i know just how much she loves being held by me...i could feel how much she enjoyed it and didn't want to let go, but finally she did and we left...6 days later, its my birthday, and knowing very well that she knows it is my bday, i was anxiously awaiting a birthday message/text from her didn't recieve one, so at night, i texted her saying hi, and kinda mentioned that it was my bday and such, told her i was kinda hoping i'd hear from her, but she told me she actually did send me a big long bday text early in the morning before she went to work, but i just didn't receive it...which totally relieved me and made me so much happier, cause i went the whole day bummed that i didn't hear from her...she also told me that she really wanted to talk to me shortly after seeing each other the other night and thought of wanting to see me on my bday as well...i said thank you and how much it meant again and told her sweet dreams but she didnt reply back to that....the next day, i kept wondering why didnt respond back to those final texts, so i texted her wondering if she got those and maybe didnt? she finally responded saying thanking her wasn't needed but she didn't reply back back she just wanted to leave it at that because we shouldn't talk like we used to...i didn't get it...it was like she was playing the "we shouldn't talk/move on" card again already....i told her it's as if its a law when she says that, and she told me it's something i want to stick with...she told me that she just didn't think she felt the same way for me anymore, that she had fallen out of the love she had for me due to some past actions (not handling certain situations that made me mad in better ways, seeming somewhat controlling in some ways) but that she will always kinda like me, and that i'm amazing and that she could be held by me forever...that she hated saying that this is how she feels not because there are so many things she loves about me and that i am so very dear to her still to her and that she still cared for me so very much...i just didn't get it...she kept talking to me and even asked to meet up the other night and didn't want to let go of me, yet she doesn't apparently feel the same as she used to anymore...she then kept saying we should move on and let go, and even said we should stop being friends off facebook, ect, but she still never deleted me off there, and it's not like she forgot...i could feel she really hated feeling the way she did because of how amazing and dear to her i am, but she said what she said...i really don't know if i should take it seriously or not...like i said, she very easily says one thing and feels another sometimes, with what i've experienced with her before...and i have no idea what i should do, my head is saying i should stop wasting my time and finally move on in case she really does mean what she says, but my heart is telling me not to give up, and keep trying to make this work again, because something just doesn't add up, between what she says and how shes been responding to me talking to her and even wanting to meet up to see me, ect, wishing me happy bday in a long text...i love her to death still, we have/had a bond and connection like no other and i don't even think 3 of our 4 break ups should've happened...they could've have been resolved without breaking up, but she just runs away when something gets a little shaky and doesn't know how to talk it out, and thinks breaking up is the key thing to do right away sometimes....don't know if i should contact her again soon or if i should just leave her be now...any advice? suggestions? thoughts? thanks!




     


  2. #2
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    don't you get tired of the chase? how deep must the pain be for you to move on?
    this time let things go. if you are meant to be, let her do the chasing not you.

  3. #3
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    it's been 3 days since her and i had the last conversation, and honestly, i've been deeply contemplating just moving on this time, yet a decent part of me doesn't and has some sort of hope...idk,

  4. #4
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    and also, in terms of how deep the pain must be to move on, i guess i was so used to her talking to me herself and coming back to me in the previous 3 relationships, that i thought i be the same way around this time...she told me recently that she has really missed me and has really wanted to talk to/text me like she did in previous relationships, but she hasn't really talked to me this time around unless i talk to her, with the exception of her texting me happy birthday the other day...idk, i'm so lost...i think i really do need to move on now, but still have glimmer of hope things can happen again between her and i, because i am getting tired of trying to chase and persuade her, and scared that she will ultimately cut me off, delete my off facebook even though she said she is going to and didn't, and just completely ignore me with whatever attempts i make!

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  6. #5

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    No, just no.

  7. #6
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    its okay to have some hope but it is important that this doesn't consume your life. Move on and cut all ties. This is going to hurt but you will heal faster. Honestly, most people hate hearing this on here, but it may even take years before you both can talk again. There needs to be enough time to get over each other. That is truly the only way. Never chase anyone. I did that for a year straight trying to get my last ex back and it was a big mistake. Start living.

  8. #7
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    i've texted her a few times this week since then and she's still hot and cold...i can definitely sense from her that she misses me and being with me, but anytime i bring up us starting new and fresh, she still stresses we shouldn't go back...nonetheless, shes still receptive to me when i contact her and hasn't deleted me off facebook or her phone yet like she thought we should do, so i don't know whats going to happen...i guess i just need to let her come to me in order for anything to matter?

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