Lack of "spark"? I would like some ladys' opinion!

So I met this girl at a bar, of all places, and we really hit it off. She has a happy personality, very kind, has a big imagination and a closet dork. She actually asked me if I wanted to go out sometime and we kiss in a bar a bit before she left.

First date was great, we ate dinner and sat at the restaurant talking for a few hours. She warmed up to me quickly and we kind of snuggled in the booth. I walked her to her car and we had a pretty long kiss. She told me I looked very handsome that night.

Next date she wanted to see a movie, so we went. After that we went to her place to hangout, watched a show and made out a bit. She was really tired and kept dozing off, we didn't talk much that night.

Following Friday she invited me out with her friends, I came over before we went out and she, again, was tired and wanted to snuggle a bit. We went out, she was telling her friend how much she liked me, so I was told, and was really flirty.

Saturday I asked her if she was going out with other guys, in a conversation we were having via txt. The reason I asked, I told her after she answered, was that I told a girl I met before I met her that I was going to go out with her that night and if she was not dating other guys I wasn't going to go. She said it was too soon to be exclusive and she really really liked me but wanted to know me better but she was slightly jealous I was going out. So that was fine, I went out.

Sunday I txt her about hanging out, she says Monday or Tuesday because she was very hungover Sunday (went out Sat. night to a concert). I said alright, then Monday rolls around and she is still not feeling well. We txt all day Tuesday and she sends me a cute pic on Weds.

As a background we txt a bit everyday, 6 or so exchanges. She initiated over half of the txts, and wanted to tell me about her. She tells me she always ends up dating a-holes and am really glad I am not like the usual guys she dates. Also, she tells me she is a virgin and is just waiting for that right time, she is afraid of ending up like her parents with having kids when she doesn't want them....

Anyway, Wednesday evening comes, I asked her out this weekend. She says we should just be friends, completely blind sides me. She claims there is no "spark" between us but she is attracted to me and has gone further with me than she lets most guys she dates. It was just making out but she is really modest.

She says she is attracted to me still and thinks I'm a great guy (stock compliment blah blah) but she feels no "spark" and thinks I like her more than she likes me. I, for one, believe the "spark" is just a chemical attraction some people have and it is not an indication of how a relationship will turn out, seeing it could fade next month or even next week. She keeps looking for this high caused by a "spark", even though she's ever only really had 2 b/f's.

Is it possible to talk to a girl like this and try to bring up that what she wants and what she is basing who she dates on are not entirely compatible? I mean she is attracted to me...

She says she's attracted to you, but says she doesn't feel the spark?

That sounds like a new way of saying: "I think you're a great guy, but let's just be friends."

You say that 'the spark' is just a chemical reaction and is no basis for how a relationship will turn out. That's true. But you're also saying this as someone who actually feels the spark for HER.

Explanations aren't needed really. She wants what she wants, and it's not you. Accept it. And keep moving.

this is how i see it. i need a spark. its what gets me going initially, if we were strangers who met. im just geting to know you so at that point i cant stick around bc i think we might be really good, or i think you might be really fun, or i think youll be XYZ. i wanna feel it NOW.

if im not excited in the beginning, im not going to stick around. we might very well be a great match, but im not gonna be around long enough to find out.

you are totally right that the spark fades. and if its a good relationship, there will be other great things to replace that spark. however, that spark is what sets things off...

i went out with a guy who was VERY handsome, VERY intelligent, kind, funny, hardworking, and all that jazz. but ya knwo what, i just wasnt feeling it like "that". on paper it was a match made in heaven, but it wasnt what my heart wanted.

so there is no hurt in explaining to her what you feel, but give it a shot and if she still says no, let it be.

She was trying to let you down easily. The worst thing to do is try to convince someone how they feel is wrong, just so you're not being rejected.

Let it go. Plenty of fishes out there...

Move on you're in friendszone, Although its early stages in the dating it's obvious that she's either put you on a hotplate to keep warm, or she is politely turning you down.

Lack of spark )physical aspect), ie sex in your situation. It seemed you had a couple of times to make progress and either you're body emotions or something made her feel that she couldn't get physical/warm to you.

@lana111: Where are you now though? Are you where you want to be relationship wise? Does waiting for a spark work?

We hit it off well, she even said so. Maybe I'll see if she wants to talk sometime in the future, I'm not going to bother now. I think she is worth it, we really do have a ton in common and she said she was kinda floored by me but then all of a sudden, she is done. Truthfully I don't even know what this "spark" is, sure sometimes I'm really attracted to a girl but I know that's just that, physical attraction. I could be too jaded, haha.

@Ariel85: I'm not trying to convince her that she feels a "spark" for me, I'm trying to ask her if she would give it one more date. Two of our dates we hardly were able to spend any time together to talk and learn about each other. Plus there aren't really plenty of fishes out there, I rarely meet a girl I like and if I approach a girl at a bar or party most think I only want one thing even before I open my mouth. I'm not sure why I get that all the time but I do.

@Davic Mac: We aren't really friends, so not really in any zone haha.

Maybe it's pointless to try. I guess a better strategy would be to hit her up later on down the line and see how she's doing and what not? Not that I'm going to wait around, I have a date tomorrow, I promised my friend I would take her friend on a date.

Well I am moving on, but her decision didn't really make sense and she is worth trying to start something again, maybe sometime in the future. We hang out and she is all about me then days later she isn't when we haven't seen each other? Doesn't add up, if she wanted to go out with another guy she could have and said she would tell me.

 

I don't really feel "sparks" for people, I'm not even sure what that is suppose to feel like. All I know is I was and am attracted to her.

I don't think it's worth sticking around for this one, regardless of whether she's telling you the truth or not. Who knows what she's thinking. And she's probably trying to be nice by throwing out all sorts of random terms about sparks and what not.

Move on. I, for one, was never into sparks and I generally have better long-term relationships with guys with whom I don't have sparks at first. Find a girl who is on your wavelength and don't worry too much about the why, especially at the very beginning when you are fortunate enough not to have gotten attached yet.

Yea good point Taking, sorry I changed my post above.

You're really over-rationalizing it.

She said she didn't feel any sexual attraction for you. Just because you don't think this is important, doesn't mean you try to invalidate her feelings.

You need to leave her alone. You're not going to change her feelings towards you, and, considering she also was turned off that you liked her too much (or "more than she liked you" - which is the same thing), not acceptiing her dismissal is only going to make her opinion worse.

Also, for the future, when you are alone with a woman snuggling/cuddling/kissing, and she keeps claiming she's tired (as she did on two separate dates), it's because she wants you to leave.

As I've said before - rejection is a part of dating. We all need to learn how to accept it and move on.

Uh she invited me over. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said no aaaand she told me I made her "hot and bothered" sometimes. Plus one date I was over before we went out and she said she was tired and wanted to nap on me while we waited for her friends. I'm not an idiot, I don't need you telling me what to do I asked for opinions.

I didn't bother her about it, so don't tell me I need to leave her alone. Plus if it makes her opinion worse of me what does it matter? I'm not hanging out with her or will see her ever again.

there could be someone else in the picture. so she got her head turned or put doubt in her mind about you.

only today i have been given 'The spark' line. its happened before, in the end they are jsut not into you enough to want to move it onto the next level. women can be friends with a guy but most guys always want something more and cant be jsut friends.

i met an online girl on tuesday we seem to hit it off, felt relaxed and conversation flowed. we even set a 2nd date for the following tuesday on the night. she checked her diary and picked the day and said she would love to meet again. we were even the last ones out of the pub. on the train on way home i text her saying i had a great time and she text back saying she did too, that time flew and she was looking forward to next tuesday. things looked great for a 2nd date. there was potential.a few days of a couple of texts back and forth. then today out of the blue she said it was lovely meeting me and hadnt met such a nice guy in a long time. but didnt feel any spark. no idea why the turn around. maybe she jsut got wrapped up in the moment at the time. maybe someone else or maybe not over someone. think with online dating too many people are lookign for some instant magical chemistry as if it is like some hollywood film. there just no time to build things. all the women in their mid 30s seem to looking for the one to have the family with and everything has to be perfect. time is ticking for the family.

i've been on quite a few online dates and its quite common. i've also not been bothered about someone and felt no connection but the girl has remained interested and then i've give the old 'no spark' excuse

anyway, what i'm saying is women are more emotional and complicated than men. we want a relationship but would do with some physical action in the meantime. women are looking for the full package and want the full emotions. men get the wow factor from looks, for women its not that simple.

you're probably a decent 'nice guy' but just not make her heart flutter. just move on. some people do get together after knowing each other as friends or colleagues but dont hang about waiting.

Uh she invited me over. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said no aaaand she told me I made her "hot and bothered" sometimes. Plus one date I was over before we went out and she said she was tired and wanted to nap on me while we waited for her friends. I'm not an idiot, I don't need you telling me what to do I asked for opinions.

 

I didn't bother her about it, so don't tell me I need to leave her alone. Plus if it makes her opinion worse of me what does it matter? I'm not hanging out with her or will see her ever again.

All righty then. lol

I'm not sure why you're lashing out when you're the one who posted asking for advice. I wonder if maybe she picked up this quick to anger thing possibly?

 

I didn't bother her about it, so don't tell me I need to leave her alone. Plus if it makes her opinion worse of me what does it matter? I'm not hanging out with her or will see her ever again.

Dignity, Pride, You get to keep it all. Walk away, and let it be, Put yourself into her shoes, "you date a girl your not all that into, tell her your better of just friends, and she proceeds to explain to you why you how your not into her is wrong. Do you want to be with someone telling you that your feelings are wrong?

If you absolutely felt inclinded to tell her,

IMO, Id say " thats cool, I didnt feel it either but I was giving it a shot anyway..I think a spark is just a chemical thing and wears off usually so you never know what could be"

Uh she invited me over. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said no aaaand she told me I made her "hot and bothered" sometimes. Plus one date I was over before we went out and she said she was tired and wanted to nap on me while we waited for her friends. I'm not an idiot, I don't need you telling me what to do I asked for opinions.

 

I didn't bother her about it, so don't tell me I need to leave her alone. Plus if it makes her opinion worse of me what does it matter? I'm not hanging out with her or will see her ever again.

My friend, the beauty about this site is it gives you the advice that you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. You need to remember that when you post asking for opinions and advice.

This sounds like a simple case of shes just not that into you. It sucks when we think that isnt the case but sometimes it happens and we cant understand why. You just need to learn from it and then dust yourself off and move on. Plenty more fish in the sea as they say.

@Ariel85: I'm not trying to convince her that she feels a "spark" for me, I'm trying to ask her if she would give it one more date.

This is one massive contradiction. Your not trying to convince her theres a spark? But you want her to go on one more date? Seriously mate, stop putting your eggs into the same basket. Rejection sucks, ive been there, but its a massive learning curve which we all have to endure. As previously stated, dust off and then move on. Simples.

There is somebody in my life who other people have said things unprompted to me - that this guy really likes me a lot. I like him too, and I've asked myself several times why I can't at least right now feel a spark for him. I think it's because I'm not long enough out of a relationship where I got very hurt. This guy is actually a lot better looking than my ex and it feels weird to acknowledge that, but he is. I think he is a much more down to earth and nicer person than my ex - he is prety much "what you see is what you get". The weird thing is that I do want him in my life. It's also occurred to me that if there was involvement, I might lose him as a friend one day, and I can actually see us being life-long friends. Don't make assumptions. The only person who has any chance of being able to answer your questions is this girl, but she may not be able to at present. I do think though that the best thing to do is just maintain low contact as friends with no expectations.