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  1. #1

    Unhappy Do rebound relationships really move that fast?

    Well I'll try to make this short. Well my ex-boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago from a 1 year and a half long relationship. It was not really mutual, as I had made the mistake to cry and beg the first week after breaking up. Later on, I told him I had agreed. (not really, but I just didn't want him to think of me as pathetic anymore) Well, It has been more than a month since our last time talking. He waited only a month to get into another relationship with another girl. This girl is someone he has just met a couple of months ago and he sees her on a daily basis at school, but they weren't really good friends til only a month before they started dating seriously. The new girl he is going out with had also gotten out of a long relationship. I was starting to think that they were both rebounding.

    When we broke up he told me that he had feeling different lately but he still "loved" me as a best friend and will probably always have some sort of feelings for me in his heart. We were each others first serious relationship. I feel like he was rebounding because a few days after we broke up we were still talking and then he told me had feelings for another girl. It's like he transfered all the feelings he just had for me onto her. people that see them all the had told me that they spend so much time together and are already displaying public displays of affection. They seem to be moving much much more faster than how I was with him. It's like both of them (my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend) are picking up where they both last left off in their previous relationships. Since, I think they are both rebounding off each other. They already have made out the first week they've been together, and kissed...but when I was with him our relationship progressed pretty slowly and we let our love and physical intimacy grow over months and weeks. I feel as though they are moving way too fast and seem to be all over each other already, in the honeymoon period.

    This is this video that I had watched on youtube that gave out some information on rebound relationships and I was wondering if any of you guys had experienced a situation where your ex had already found someone else right away? I know I shouldn't care too much anymore and try to get over it, but I really do care and love him...and I miss him so much. We have known each other for years before we started dating, while he had known this girl for less than year...I want to know if I'll ever have a chance again..Please give me your thoughts on this situation.

    Also if you were wondering the video I watched was called "how to win your ex back when they're seeing someone else!" on youtube by a relationship expert called Ashley Kay. I can't post the link on here for some reason, so maybe if you could search it up and tell me what you think of the infromation..if it seems realistic to any real life situations you know. Thank you everybody for reading this.

  2. #2
    Gold Member lucasky's Avatar
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    My first love and I loved eachother very much. He loved me even as he broke up with me - to date someone else. I kept posting on another forum and hoping as you are that I'd win him back. I watched videos, read advice columns, whatever info I could find I'd soak it up.

    In the end, they fell in love and dated for two years. While he regrets it now (hurting me as he did) we are not back together, I don't want to get back together, and yup... you'll probably find you need to move on too.

    Remember, why would you want to date someone who would rather date someone else?

  3. #3
    Member ladyninja30's Avatar
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    I was going to pm you my story but I can't seem to pm you at all....
    "I believe that everything happens for a reason.
    People change so that you can learn to let go,
    things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
    you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
    and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
    Marilyn Monroe

  4. #4
    Gold Member lucasky's Avatar
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    New members can't PM or be PMed with.

  5. #5
    Member ladyninja30's Avatar
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    I'll say my ex was in a relationship with a new girl within a week of leaving me. It's pathetic really because they developed a relationship after meeting once, and then talking on fb untill he realized he'd crossed an emotional line. I was hurt that he changed his status within a week (which was how I found out there even was a new girl) I was told she was at the house the day after he left me. It all seems so calculated. He gave her a key to the house within 3 weeks of them dating, I never had one in the time we were dating. She moved in about a week after that, whereas he always told me I couldn't stay there when nobody was home because it had to be cool with the rest of the house...fair enough but he never asked their permission but they told me I'd have had it if he had asked them.
    What boggles me is that the girl he left me for is neither cute nor nice. She is a b!*** and she manipulates and controls him.
    So to answer your question, yes rebounds do usually move rather quickly, but more often then not they fizzle out as quickly as they started. (sometimes not but usually)
    "I believe that everything happens for a reason.
    People change so that you can learn to let go,
    things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
    you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
    and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
    Marilyn Monroe

  6. #6
    Well it's good to know others have experienced this and I'm not the only one. But I am doing a lot better now. I'm not crying over him or anything. I guess for me what's happening right is that I feel lonely and it's just human nature to want what you can't have anymore...or get whatever strays away from you.

    I really do wonder if this relationship between my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend will last. They are definitely moving way too fast. Their feelings for each other were only developed after my break up with him! I just find it ridiculous to already have them moving on a more serious physical level..

  7. #7
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    I understand rebounding to be something the the dumpee would do to get over being dumped. If you jumped into a relationship quickly, for example, that would be a rebound. Someone who ends a relationship with someone and starts dating right away was probably not emotionally attached to their ex at the time. That is not a rebound, IMO. They were probably emotionally cheating if not more with the new person if it was so easy for them to move on. Sorry.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member endy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gessolin View Post
    I understand rebounding to be something the the dumpee would do to get over being dumped. If you jumped into a relationship quickly, for example, that would be a rebound. Someone who ends a relationship with someone and starts dating right away was probably not emotionally attached to their ex at the time. That is not a rebound, IMO. They were probably emotionally cheating if not more with the new person if it was so easy for them to move on. Sorry.
    That's not true at all IMO, I've been a rebound to a dumper who ran back to the ex. It happens... To the OP yes they move very fast, but once the in love stage is over... Both people get to know who they really are. Someone that does this usually has issues from what I've seen. My ex suffered from depression etc. She went back when she started getting depressed. Looked to her ex for happiness again. Our relationship wasn't bad, she just never got over him. I was forced to break up with her when I found out she was pursuing him again.

    You really need to move on, if they do come back it's not going to be for the right reasons usually. It's going to be because the other relationship wasn't working. My ex cheated emotionally on her ex with me, and then basically the same thing happened to me 7 months later, back to him. She was checked out of their relationship, however... you still need to grieve a LTR after it's over. It's usually best to stay single as a dumper or a dumpee until you heal.

    My advice would still be to move on and get over it. If he does come back, it's not going to be for the right reasons.
    "If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.

    -Thich Nhat Hanh

    "Out of a fear of the unknown people prefer suffering that is familiar"

    - Thich Nhat Hanh

  9. #9

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    hi jane...
    i know it has been awhile since you have posted, but i wanted to respond in case you are still recovering/coping/healing.

    first of all, break ups suck in general when the relationship was really rooted in love and growth (as it seems that yours was, by your post) regardless of if you are a "dumper" or "dumpee". i think that is something that isn't stressed enough. i agree with you on how quickly feelings can be transferred. i have experienced that many times, both as a dumper and dumpee.

    rebound relationships can be incredibly hurtful to all those involved; sadly, often those who launch into them just don't have the capacity to see the wide realm of that. just as with everyone after a breakup - one is just trying to do what they can do to feel better. when you think about it, we all rebound in some way... some ways are just more healthy than others. hence why a lot of times rebound relationships can move really quickly! i feel that a lot of times people will say "oh they were already emotionally attached" - which i acknowledge can be true in some cases, but after a relationship - one has got to take time to reflect and adjust to the loss. that simply can't be done healthfully if one jumps into another relationship. jumping is a dangerous way of subconscious coping.

    i experienced a very similar situation to yours, and i offer my sympathy to how much it really stings. feels like a slap in the face at times, though it is all technical. my ex-boyfriend snapped from stress (to make a very long story short) and we went through a hard breakup that ended up finalized because he didn't think that he could ever get over hurting me so badly. within a week later, he was dating someone new that he had recently met and "connected" with in the aftermath of our breakup... and ironically is described by my friends as a "carbon copy" of me. he has done a complete 180 in his life in reaction to our breakup - going out all the time, blowing off work, changing physical appearance, etc. has it been rough watching it all? oh man! so many times i have felt that our relationship has been completely devalued by how quickly he could do that. absolutely heartbreaking at times.... but despite it all, i am glad that i have taken the time to feel my grief and really reflect on what worked and what didn't work so that i can be ready for my next relationship.. as opposed to jumping in without having gone through that process.

    if your relationship really was solid... it will catch up with him at some point. you may or may not ever be told of that, but it will. it caught up with me when i left someone without trying and i paid for seven years before i could really be open again. catching up doesn't always mean reconciling... but it will be felt at some point by him.

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