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Thread: Why do I feel like my ex doesn't care about me anymore?

  1. #1
    Member Tell Me Why's Avatar
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    Why do I feel like my ex doesn't care about me anymore?

    It hasn't even been two weeks since she broke it off. During that time we have still lived together which has made it harder for me. Luckily I am moving out this Friday. I have been trying to avoid her as much as I can considering we still live together, I think I've been pretty successful and we have only seen each other and spoken to each other a few times in the last week and a half. She claimed by ignoring her I was making things awkward, I told her this is what I needed to do in order to deal with this.

    I also mentioned that once I moved out, I was going to need a lot of time and I told her I wasn't sure if we'd ever speak again. She said it was unfair for me to cut her out of my life since we were together 5 years. Another night she came to me and she was crying, saying she is sorry for ever hurting me and saying that she feels like a bad person. Maybe she was trying to get sympathy from me and ease her guilt, I don't know. She also told me she cares about very much and wants me to be happy. I tell her things will be better when I move out and I just need to be away from her.

    Later that night she comes to me again complaining about her head hurting because she was in a minor fender bender earlier in the day. She always gets paranoid about injuries and she always would come to me about them and I would comfort her. Of course I wasn't going to tell her to go away, so I did comfort and tell her she was fine and looked up symptoms of head injuries on the internet. She asked me to keep my bedroom door open in case anything else happens to her. Then she proceeds to ask me all these questions about my new place that I am moving into. She asks if dogs are allowed, as we have a dog together. I say no, and she tells me "Well you can always come here to see the dog". I really do love our dog, but I know it is best for me once I move out to just be away from her, the house, and everything that reminds me of her.

    Ever since then, I have been avoiding her and she hasn't really tried to talk to me. And this is what worries me. I got all excited for some reason when she came crying to me because It showed me that she still cared and that maybe she just needed time to sort out her feelings. But when a couple days go by and she doesn't try to speak to me, I feel like she no longer cares.

    I am probably being very paranoid, considering its hasn't even been two weeks since the breakup and I haven't even moved out yet to start NC! I know I shouldn't be worried about what she is thinking, but I can't help it. Someone said on here in another thread, that your ex won't forget about you if you had a long and meaningful relationship. We had 5 years together, we shared so much, it was very meaningful and now I feel like she is forgetting all about me. Either that or she is just respecting my wishes of wanting space.

    I know I am reading too much into this, I suppose I need to move out and give it more time, it is just hard when you still live together. I just wonder what will happen when I move out this Friday and initiate NC.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member vertigoxo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tell Me Why View Post
    It hasn't even been two weeks since she broke it off. During that time we have still lived together which has made it harder for me. Luckily I am moving out this Friday. I have been trying to avoid her as much as I can considering we still live together, I think I've been pretty successful and we have only seen each other and spoken to each other a few times in the last week and a half. She claimed by ignoring her I was making things awkward, I told her this is what I needed to do in order to deal with this.

    I also mentioned that once I moved out, I was going to need a lot of time and I told her I wasn't sure if we'd ever speak again. She said it was unfair for me to cut her out of my life since we were together 5 years. Another night she came to me and she was crying, saying she is sorry for ever hurting me and saying that she feels like a bad person. Maybe she was trying to get sympathy from me and ease her guilt, I don't know. She also told me she cares about very much and wants me to be happy. I tell her things will be better when I move out and I just need to be away from her.

    Later that night she comes to me again complaining about her head hurting because she was in a minor fender bender earlier in the day. She always gets paranoid about injuries and she always would come to me about them and I would comfort her. Of course I wasn't going to tell her to go away, so I did comfort and tell her she was fine and looked up symptoms of head injuries on the internet. She asked me to keep my bedroom door open in case anything else happens to her. Then she proceeds to ask me all these questions about my new place that I am moving into. She asks if dogs are allowed, as we have a dog together. I say no, and she tells me "Well you can always come here to see the dog". I really do love our dog, but I know it is best for me once I move out to just be away from her, the house, and everything that reminds me of her.

    Ever since then, I have been avoiding her and she hasn't really tried to talk to me. And this is what worries me. I got all excited for some reason when she came crying to me because It showed me that she still cared and that maybe she just needed time to sort out her feelings. But when a couple days go by and she doesn't try to speak to me, I feel like she no longer cares.

    I am probably being very paranoid, considering its hasn't even been two weeks since the breakup and I haven't even moved out yet to start NC! I know I shouldn't be worried about what she is thinking, but I can't help it. Someone said on here in another thread, that your ex won't forget about you if you had a long and meaningful relationship. We had 5 years together, we shared so much, it was very meaningful and now I feel like she is forgetting all about me. Either that or she is just respecting my wishes of wanting space.

    I know I am reading too much into this, I suppose I need to move out and give it more time, it is just hard when you still live together. I just wonder what will happen when I move out this Friday and initiate NC.
    I remember you! Hahaha, anyways. This is a sad lesson to learn in life, but usually after a break up, people find it too hard to talk casually to an ex, especially during the first few days/weeks/months even. I think she is finally getting the point of you wanting to be alone and away from her, and is respecting your wishes.

    I'm sure she still cares about you very much. But she might also want to heal herself emotionally as well.

    I mean... isn't this what you want? Her to go away?

  3. #3
    Member Tell Me Why's Avatar
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    As much as I want that, it still is hard. To think about someone you shared the last 5 years of your life with all of a sudden not being there anymore. Its tough. But I know right now, it is necessary for me in order to get better.

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    Platinum Member vertigoxo's Avatar
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    That's strange. Didn't you posted a thread a while back that you were a bit upset that your ex won't leave you alone?

    Listen babe, I know it's hard. I'm going through it. Everyone goes through it. But remember, she does still care for you. She just knows that it's 100% over.

  5. #5
    Member Tell Me Why's Avatar
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    She just knows that it's 100% over
    Of course, this is where I disagree. At this point, I still dream of reconciliation maybe somewhere down the road. I know I can't focus on that, but its hard right now. I know once I move out, things will get better and instead of thinking about that, I will think about myself and work on me.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Aeryn's Avatar
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    She probably does still care for you, but she needs to heal too. Both of you need your space.

    I'm going through the same thing. I know my ex still cares for me, despite the fact that he hasn't tried talking to me, nor have I tried talking to him. And it's because there are still feelings there, but he doesn't want to be with me. And I told him from the start that I didn't believe in trying a friendship with an ex, so it will be left at that.

    You and your ex...maybe things could be different. Maybe you can be friends someday.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member vertigoxo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tell Me Why View Post
    Of course, this is where I disagree. At this point, I still dream of reconciliation maybe somewhere down the road. I know I can't focus on that, but its hard right now. I know once I move out, things will get better and instead of thinking about that, I will think about myself and work on me.
    I see now. Okay okay, lol, I was so confused there! You may want to seriously talk to her about this. And tell her what you've told me. Who knows, she might even want to someday be with you again as well!

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    First off, she isn't forgetting you and won't forget you for quite some time. So relax.

    I think you're doing the right things with being civil but keeping your distance too. It’s hard not to while cohabitating. These little visits of hers are just that, sympathy. She wants to know that you still care about her, will be there when she wants, and this eases her guilt. I’m actually surprised she hasn’t pulled the “friend” card yet...? Probably tomorrow when you're moving out.

    My advice is that once you move out maintain your position with no contact. Based upon the actions you’ve described she will test your resolve on this. Expect contacts from her for just about anything to make sure you’re still on her hook. If you don’t respond out comes the sympathy card once again. Oh yeah… you’ll hear stories of how she’s hurt… this or that happened… I’ll bet she even uses the dog as leverage. Then once she gets a rise out of you you’ll be shelved once more and left wondering where she went. That is until her emotions get to her once again and the feeling she’s lost your returns… “Time to poke the bear again.” Seriously, don’t fall for it. Be steadfast friend.

    If you’re trying to get back together this will seriously make her question her decisions. Once she realizes you’re gone, you’re not there for her anymore she’s going to really think about what she has done and what she wants. She may come back, she may not.

  9. #9
    Member Tell Me Why's Avatar
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    Thanks. Yeah, almost 5 years together and In those 5 years I did so much for her. Every morning I took care of the dog and helped her get ready for work. It took her a lot longer than it takes me to get ready (usually the case for a guy).

    When she had to do things after work, she knew I was always there to go home and take care of the dog. I fed that dog every morning, I walked the dog every morning. I would go get us breakfast every morning on the weekends. I would pick up dinner or make dinner for her. I even used to run to the store at 11 pm to get her things she needed. At one point, I was even ironing clothes for my ex!! I did anything to help her and be there for her. She had me wrapped around her finger and I think that was a huge problem.

    Once I move out, she won't have that and I think it will be a rude awakening for her. She will have to adjust, and I just have a feeling she will try to contact me shortly after I move out. But like you said, I gotta stay strong and let her know that I am no longer going to be there for her like I once was.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
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    I hope the dog will be okay.
    Look for the good in yourself and others, it will change your life.

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